Boyfriend...argh?

Question

My boyfriend seems to be the one who like is getting my emotions in a uproar anymore. Everytime i bring up something about a baby item hes like ''yea yea okay okay'' like ARGH! this is your son or daughter in me! He goes out and does stupid stuff, so he's not spending money! Im kinda afraid that im gonna end up doing this on my own! Like right now, hes out drinking beed and eating at a expensive place. Why? Because this ''friend'' he works with wanted him too..i swear sometimes he cant say freaking no and it makes me mad!! ARGH! How can i approach him about all of this? And Ideas? Im almost 7 weeks pregnant!

I guess girls only? No retarted answers just to get the free 2 points like some i see already!

Answer 1

I hate to say it. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, casual the first year and serious the second, and he has a 7yr old from another relationship. They are going through the court preceedings now for child support. All he tells her then and now is how he didn't want a child. She said that she thought she wasn't able to get pregnant. He said go on birth control pills. She said it didn't make her feel good or that she was on it. It was and awful of him. He wishes he was a better person then but he wasn't. He's trying to be now and has asked her every month how much she wants and what she wants. First she told him the amount then after a few days (and some coercion by a few bitter friends and relatives) she says that she doesn't know what she wants and will take it all because she's not the one living with him.

By the way he's a great father and has him when ever he's not working!!!

My point to you is this. Make note of anything he's telling you about his feelings about having a baby or what he wants in life (my bf said it over and over again to her and she admits that she wanted nothing more than a baby with him because she was so nuts about him - guess it's that girls always love a jerk syndrome - and he hardly ever went home). Ask him directly and tell him you won't be mad or punish him if he tells you the truth. If the truth is he wants to be 'free' so to speak that will make for a healthier relationship for him and you and him and your child.

That was 8 years ago. Thank god he's a much diff. prsn now. I would not have a child with a man who wasn't ready for a legal family, if they're not ready for marriage then they're not ready for children (as a rule of thumb). Both can always cheat on you but a husband made a committment all around where a boyfriend (live-in or not) has not.

Good Luck... you have your whole life ahead of you.. and it's always about the choices you make. You're NEVER stuck!!!

Answer 2

If you're only 7 weeks pregnant, he might still be a little in shock and still getting used to the idea, maybe a little afraid of the looming responsibility & aware of the freedom he's NOT going to have once baby arrives.

Give him a little time, and maybe try to find a way to calmly talk to him about it -- in a way that is not confrontational or accusing, but lets him know that you're afraid & wondering if he's going to be more or less involved as time goes on.

Try not to overwhelm him about his obligations, as it sounds like he might be feeling that already -- let him know you think of him as a partner, and ask him how he sees his role in all this.

Like I said, give him a little time to adjust & see how he does, but don't wait too long -- if seeing that ultrasound at 18-22 weeks doesn't win him over and get him thinking/talking/excited about the baby, you're going to need to sit him down & get to the bottom of it for some answers.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you it's because you're not married -- those kinds of comments are given to judge and make others feel small -- they don't help and they don't matter, so let them breeze right past.

Answer 3

He may just be freaked out about your being pregnant. Give him a little time to get used to the idea. Tell him that you need to start setting a certain ammount of money aside out of his paychecks every month for baby items. Also when you hit about the 4-5 month mark you can register for baby items for your baby shower so you don't have to buy everything yourself. If he does not change his ways and is partying a lot leave because you do not want to bring your baby up in that enviroment, and you can take him to court and get an order for child support, and most states now garnish right out of their checks.

Answer 4

I think you should sit down and let him know how you feel make sure you dont try to talk to him while the tv is on you need his full attention. If you tell him how you feel let him tell you his feelings too dont just tell your side. You may be able to come to some kind of agreement maybe he only goes out once a month or only on a certain night. I am 9 months pregnant and I broke down when I was about 5 months pregnant and called the father of my soon to be baby and told him I felt alone and I didnt think I could do it anymore. I actually left that on his answering machine he called me back and we really talked and he has done a great job of showing me emotional support. I talked to him about the baby about 95% of the time and it really overwhelmed him I think that if you want to talk about the baby you should try to pick certain times and not over do it. I did for awhile and I got the same response as you "yea yea okay okay" but when I stopped talking about the baby 24/7 he was more open about talking about it when I brought it up. I dont think that it was becasue he didnt care but because men dont really understand that as women we have a bond with our child from pregnancy and on while men tend to have a bond with their child from birth and on. Also for men they dont really think of the baby as much because they the child is not phyically here and men are visual creatures. Women we are not we are more on an emotional side of things thats why when we get pregnant not only does our whole life turn into our baby but so does the rest of the world. Sitting down and talking to him may work but it may not. If it doesnt you may have to leave him, I know that is probably not what you want to her but I feel no need to sugar coat it. If you do have to leave he may realize how stupid he has been and change, he may not. If he doesnt just make sure that you have support person..your mom or a close friend or relative. It doesnt matter who as long as they are supportive for you emotionally. I seen a couple people make comments that if you were married then he wouldnt act like that but my friend is 7 months and she is married and has the same problem so dont listen to people like that married men are not perfect eighter.

Answer 5

The difference between a husband and a boyfriend is a piece of paper. Boyfriends can be as loving and commited as any husband. Being a husband, good or otherwise, doesn't make anyone a good father!Granted it doesn't look like your boyfriend is particularly commited at the moment but it's early days. How long have you known you were pregnant? Was the pregnancy planned? Maybe he is in shock and this is his way of dealing with it. Im not saying thats right but it may be the case

Answer 6

I had this same prob. and I ended up a single mom for a while until I met my current husband.All I am saying is the right man is out there and if he can't grow up then don't sit around and hold your breath for him. My biggest advice would be to absolutely make sure you give your baby your last name that way if anything happens you wont regret it later but if you do stay together and get married then you can change the baby's name.

Answer 7

Tell him how you feel cause this baby is both yours and his. Tell him that he's gotta start showing more responsibility cause otherwise the one that's has to be bold and brave is you. If you see that he's not spending any kind of money for you and the baby, then the best you could do now is to start child support.

Answer 8

You should probably give him money to go out and drink. He doesnt have time for a nagging whore. He works hard Im sure and if he wants to not be around you then I think he's sayin, "Yo Im the boss, I DO WHAT I WANT". Shouldnt have spread those legs so easy, silly girls.

Answer 9

you still have time..the trick is not to be too pushy unless you really have to..he is just being a boy..just make him give you some money and go with a girlfriend to shop for the baby..trust me boys could care less about shopping..especially for babies..you will have more fun shopping and what not without him anyways...just explain to him what needs to change by the time the baby comes

Answer 10

my boyfriend of 5 yrs, also did this up until our son was about a year old, when he started to buy our little one stuff i asked him why he couldn't have done that awhile ago, he told me that while i was pregnant he was afraid of getting close or happy about our son because he was afraid i would miscarry, then he was afraid of sids but when he realized our son was doing fine, he started to buy him stuff every time he went out, so i wouldn't push him, maybe hes afraid, just ask him