Can a Man be a lesbian? Am I Bi? Am I Transgendered ?

Question

I find myself at a crossroads, I am 25 years old and I find myself torn between attraction to women and to men - I however do not believe I am bi - I however have surrounded myself with many if not all lesbian friends --- I however know i am also having feelings for men --- I was in a long term 4 year relationship with a wonderful girl and we had wonderful lesbian sex (i would call it) becuase it was not all about penetration -- but i also had an experience when i was 11 with a guy -- so i just dont know -- but i want to be comfortable with myself -- and finally I would say there are many days when I would believe I would be most comfortable as a butch lesbian -- But I really dont want to change my sex - I would not be happy with the result

Please suggest options on helping find more info and resources and any comments

I would comment that I do not want to be more fem - I actually find fem women and flamboyant gay men a major turn off-- I just like being me -- i would say many people say i am emotional and think like a woman

Answer 1

Interesting questions. Multiple answers Various conditions need to prevail within the man's brain. Being 25, you must first strip off all the preconceived phobias and denials that have been placed into your head ever since childhood. So to speak lay your true uninhibited self in front of you for observation.

Regarding the first question "Can a man be a Lesbian?"
My answer is yes, a genetically born male can be a "Lesbian" in the assumtion that -he desires to be both female and sexually active with another genetic female or even a Transgendered "male to female"-.In this case the man is in fact Transgendered (either a Transsexual or a Cross-dresser).
But then there is also the case of "fantasy fettish" where a man could get sexually excited seeing themselves in a "Lesbian" role with another woman. In this case the man really doesn't want to become a woman or wear woman's clothing but rather enjoys the "fantasy" of being in a "Lesbian" relationship.

Regarding the next two questions,"Am I Bisexual?" and "Am I Transgendered?"
My answer is yes again. You can be Bisexual in the confines of enjoying sex with either gender. You can also be Transgendered and Bisexual at the same time. It all depends where you brain is at when you are having sex with either gender. For example: If in your mind you see yourself as a woman having sex with a genetic male, and you see yourself as a woman having sex with a genetic female, most likely you are both Bisexual and Transgendered. Now, if instead you see yourself as a male having sex with another genetic male, and you see yourself as a male having "fantacy Lesbian" sex with a genetic female, then you would be only Bisexual so to speak.
I would like to mention that just having sex once with a male doesn't make you automatically Bisexual though. That needs to be established by your desiring to have sex again with a male.

Your statement, "I would say there are many days when I would believe I would be most comfortable as a butch lesbian -- But I really dont want to change my sex - I would not be happy with the result " doesn't mean that you aren't Transgendered , but perhaps belonging exclusively to the "Cross-dressing only" segment of Transgenderism.

Finally, I would recommend that you do seek the help of a Psychotherapist that specializes in Transgender issies to determine whether or not you are Transgendered. They usualy go under the heading of specializing in Gender Identity Disorder "GID" or Gender Dysphoria. Usually they are pretty well studied up on Bisexual and Gay issues as well. Why do I suggest this? It is very important for you to thoroughly know where you are regarding these issues before you screw your life up, and someone elses life, by getting seriously involved or married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person.
Good luck.

Answer 2

confusion about ones gender and sexuality are normal many people question it throughout there lives i don't think you are transgendered you would have an uncontrollable desire to change your gender and you don't, transexuals feel they literally have the wrong body I am going to say that i think you are more likely to be bisexual because you are attracted to both and likeing oral sex doesn't make you a lesbian male it does however make you a more likeable male to women lol so try things with a guy and enjoy yourself which ever you end up falling for is who you will be with there is not do's or don'ts with falling in love let yourself love whom you will.

Answer 3

well, how about the category --lesbian identified male? i heard this "classification" mentioned on the show the Lword some years ago, and the character involved, as i recall, stated that he was not gay,etc and just wanted to be with a woman as a "woman". interesting. i'm hetero, but started to think about that, and it sounded a bit intriguing. anyway, that approach requires nothing but a change in attitude and sensitivity level, i guess. btw, he became, plotwise, quite popular with some of the female characters in the story,a result which certainly appealed to me. hope this helps.

Answer 4

I'd say you're questioning. I was at the same crossroad when I was 25. Just do what feels comfortable and right. You don't have to paint yourself into any corners.

good luck!

Answer 5

I think you are placing too much emphasis on labels. You are you. Find someone to love, wear what you want, act the way you want and accept yourself for who you are. If you are still feeling confused and need answers, find a counselor or psychologist who specializes in sexual orientation issues. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Those are very serious questions to be asking various strangers on a public world wide chatboard. You might want to narrow your search to areas where you can find some opinions you can trust.

Answer 7

You can be a transsexual woman and lesbian. If you identify as male, you can't.

Answer 8

I am definitely a lesbian trapped in a mans body !

Answer 9

just become more femenine, if you want to stay a guy, but date girls, thats okay, some girls like very very very femenine guys, some even like guys that are, for lack of a better word, girls. some like guys who dress, some like those who personalize like a girl, others are more masculine and like a guy who is femenine, its called switched roles.

Answer 10

You don't sound too torn. Or even confused. Go with your gut--Oh, is that pun by misdirection!