What is the best way to discipline a child without spanking them constantly?

Question

My only son (Child) is getting out of hand now that we have moved away from his normal habitat. He cant stand his cousin at times who is sometimes more aggressive than he is. He likes to scream when he someone gets within inches of him or comes towards me...He's jealous and very disobidient lately. What do I do, it's just me right now. For the most part he is a very loving child when it's just me and him

Answer 1

maybe something had happen to him,that you don't know about. try doing some time out. pick a spot where you can put him for a few min. stick with it. i am a single mom. i raise my son and it wasn't easy. stuck to you guns. and don't give in to him. try and give him something to do. you have to give him some time to get used to the new place. take him for a walk. put sponge bob on the TV. play games. he is probably is scared that someone is going to hurt you. kids are very smart they pick up real easy they know it something is wrong. they know if your are hurting or you are upset or something. then they start acting out. because they feel the tension. in the house. hang in their. it will get better. good luck.

Answer 2

Spanking is just about the worst way to discipline a child. It doesn't really get to the root of the problem and it teaches kids that violence is okay. This is a complicated topic that can't be fully addressed here, so I'll offer a few tips and general ideas.

You would benefit by taking a class in positive parenting or getting a book. John Rosemond makes great child rearing books. He uses common sense and I love his stuff.

1. Every time any person makes a choice (and we all make choices all day), there is ALWAYS a consequence. Sometimes a good one and sometimes a bad one. We learn from consequences. For example, you learn that hard work gets you money, and that driving too fast gets you a ticket. Both are consequences of our choices.

2. When your child makes a poor choice, there should be a consequence.

The most effective consequence (the one that works best) is a natural consequence. For example, if you touch a hot stove, you will get burned.

3. Of course a natural consequence is not always available or may be dangerous (an example of too dangerous would be - run in front of a car, get hit), so if there isn't a good natural consequence, the next best thing is a logical consequence. In the above example, stepping into the street means you cannot play outside, you must immediately go into the house. Another example might be - throw your toy at your cousin, the toy is taken away and you sit on the stairs for 5 minutes.

Our grandparents called both of the above "Making the punishment fit the crime."

If there is neither a natural or logical consequence, then you need to find another alternative. You did not say how old your son is, but it sounds like he is younger than 5. At this age, timeouts work very well. (ever watch nanny 911?). Basically you remove the child from the situation immediately and put him someplace to chill out for a specified time, usually 1 minute for every year they are old. They need to stay put. At the end of the time out, you talk about why what he did was wrong, then ask for an apology. The timeout spot can be a stair, a chair, a mat or their room. Little kids hate being away from the action so it works pretty well.

4. For older kids, removal of privileges and/or posessions can be quite effective. Again, the closer to fitting "the crime" the more effective, but sometimes there's no obvious correlation. However things like TV time, video game time, etc. are all privileges that need to be earned and can be taken away.

5. Not all consequences should be negative. You need to remember to praise good behavior too.
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Additional techniques:

There are ways to head off trouble too. Remember we are not born knowing right from wrong, so you need to be sure your son really understands what is acceptable behavior. If you ask him to complete a task, sometimes you need to break it down for him, or do it with him.

Foreshadowing is a technique by where you tell your child what to expect and what is expected of him. For example: we are going to the park today. I expect you to play nicely with the other chldren. 5 minutes before it is time to go, I will warn you that you have 5 minutes left to play. When the time is up, we are going home. If you make a fuss when I say it is time to leave, we cannot go back for a whole week. If you are not nice to other children, you will have to take a time out or go home.

When the child behaves as you have asked, be sure you tell him how proud of him you are that he was so good.

Another really important thing is to make sure that you are consistent. Your word is everything. Keep your promises (which is why I cringed everytime I said "do that and get a spanking" because then I might be forced to spank). If you say "no" you mean no. Don't give in to whining or tantrums.

If your child is out of control in any situation, you need to remove him from the situation to cool off. Usually this is just a few minutes. I remember my oldest. When I'd say "you can come out of your room when you're ready to play nicely and apologize" she'd cry for a few minutes or yell (mad) then she'd calm down and come to me and say "I'm ready to play nice and I'm sorry."

I don't know why he is screaming like that, but I would calmly (important) tell him that screaming like that is unacceptable, then warn him what will happen the next time he does it again.

It will take patience but you will turn it around.

Answer 3

I advise you should self-discipline your little ones without spanking like getting rid of toys, putting them in corners, punishing them, getting rid of dessert yet.... i know many little ones who've in no way gotten a spanken and they disrespect their moms and dads they cuss their moms and dads out, attempt to strive against them are are outright rebellious and they imagine they can get some thing they prefer. Now me i'm 17 this year even as i replaced into youthful I were given beatings, i do not hate my mom a lot less because of it I understand her and that i'd in no way disrespect her because i know i'd be the only on the floor...or in a medical institution etc you get the point yet often times spankings is the in common words way

Answer 4

Time out. Kids hate that. Somewhere secluded where they can't play with anything. Like a corner, or in the kitchen. Mouthwash or soap. Everytime he screams, you wash his mouth out. Anything to get the point across that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. My nephew is the same way. 5 years old and he still throws tantrums like I've never seen before. My father put a stop to that quite quickly. Of course, most dads have a way of being intimidating, right? If not that, you can always have him go outside and cut his own switch, if ya go back that far. haha!

Answer 5

The best thing to do is always get down on his level when you are talking to him and look him in the eye. Warn him and next time he must go in time out or lose a privilege or be grounded from a toy...this all depends on the age of the child, too. The most important thing is consistency. It is hard work, but once you set your rules and are consistent, it does work. Children will push you as far as they can. Always remember to praise things he does that please you. Make a big deal out of it, so he will want to please you. Remember bad behavior receives little attention....but good behavior receives much attention!

Answer 6

I've got psychology and business mgmt degree. Make clearly defined rules that are consistantly enforced. Consistency Consistency, Consistency! Make it clear what action leads to what punishment. Parents must be in agreement. His understanding of this is most important. Use negative reinforcement by finding something that they value and take it away. If the rules are clear the severity of the negative reinforcement can be less. Punishment doesn't work very well to change behavior.

Answer 7

Are you familiar with Dr. Phil? I ask this question because he gives great advice to parents with similiar problems. His shows on child behavior are excellent and he gets positive feedback from the parents who have followed his advice.

His number one rule is to take away items that are valuable to your child. Take away their favorite toy and DON"T give in to your son. Don't give the toy back until his behavior has changed.

He also advises to NOT send him to his room. This is nothing but a playground for kids. Which makes alot of sense if you think about it. That's not punishment.

You may want to check out his site and you will find good advice there I am sure.

http://www.Dr.Phil.com/

Answer 8

He needs more exposure to other children, that's how they learn boundries and Sharing.

to disipline with out spanking you have to be consistent if he hits with a toy, you remove the toy, if he won't eat his food then take the plate away and excuse him from the table, do not cater to his demands or you will forever be a slave to pickiness. if he throws a temper tantrum in the store leave your cart and take him out, it may be incovieant to you but it shows the child that bad behaviour in public will not be tolerated, same with tantrums at home, walk away from it and don't acknowledge it, a child with out an audience soon quiets down.

Rewards for good behaviour is good, but don't use it as a bribe.

Answer 9

Tough love. Take away certain privileges that he has (ex: playing video games, hanging out with friends, etc.) until he apologizes or talks to you about what's bothering him. Try to limit the time him and his cousin spend together, so maybe he won't be as stressed. But if all else fails, set him straight and remind him that you're the boss- but after doing so, remind him that you love him.

Answer 10

Cup your hand as you extend it out words .. then Jack Slap Him In the back of the Head.. after a few times of this he will get the idea and will shut up when he comes by you... If you have no choice and he doesn't respond to that take the belt and ware his *** out .. If he loves you he will understand and get over it in a few days .. Be sure to tell him you love him and that he is getting out of control... I'm older now but my mother did all this to me and I loved her up to the day she passed .. Some times you have to be strict .. If they start walking on you young you will have to put up with it all your life...