any veterans/wives out there, i need advice on my changed husband?

Question

i have been happily married for 4 years. husband returned home from iraq 2 months ago. at first everything was normal. but the past 3 weeks he has changed drastically. he says he is no longer in love with me, that he doesnt want the same things that he once did. we used to get along so good, we were each others everything. this hurts me so bad. he refuses to go to counseling and says he doesnt even know if he wants to work on our marriage. what do i do? do i try to let him go and if so how? or do i stay and give him space and see if he changes back, if so how long do i give it, what do i do?

NO! he knows i was totally faithful to him. those were the hardest 12 months of my life being without him. i love him so deeply being unfaithful never once crossed my mind.

Answer 1

let him go, sometimes war changes ppl, let him go and if he comes back then he does but if he dont then thats what he wants but if he dont love u anymore then move on with ur life.

Answer 2

husbands and wives grow apart and sometimes for one of the partners involved that love dies and its extremley hard to render.
You do what u can to repair it including counselling and give it your best shot. If he really wants out then u may have to let him go.
Has he met someone else maybe?
I know this hurts and u could benefit from some individual counselling yourself in time this pain will heal. How he could not tell u until now is totally self serving on his part.

Answer 3

The same thing happened to a friend of mine when her husband came back from Afganistan, her father retired from the army his self, told her, to let him go, and it will play itself out. She did exactly that, with maybe a message on his answering machine once a week telling him she still loved him. After about 3 months they got back together and are very happy.

Answer 4

Get help quickly. If he is still in the military go to his CO. There are also alot of groups out there to help you adjust to the returning veteran. We will never ever be able to truly understand what happen to our men overseas. The things they did and saw are beyond our normal comprehension. Get help now. My ex was in the 1st Gulf war and at that time there wasn't much help. We waited too long to get help and by then it was too late. Do it NOW. Good luck to both of you. I'll pray that things will work out for you. And I will always be indebted to the sacrifices your husband made for you , for me, my family and this country that I love.

Answer 5

It sounds to me that your husband is having a hard time re-adjusting now that he's back home.
A lot of veterans retuning home are going through PTSD. Post Tramatic stress Disorder.
He most likely seen things that is not normally seen here and probrobly may have seen people lose loved one's and fears the same for you and personally does not want to go through that kind of hurt.

I suggest you contact your local Veterans Bureau to get your husband the help. even though he refuses to go to counseling.
You can look up one in your area on the VA's web-site, their link is.... http://www.va.gov/

My best to you both

Answer 6

similar thing happened to a friend of mine. With her husband she told him that she would accept a trial separation, give him his space. But before she would sign divore papers they both had to go to counciling, each with at least 30 min alone for a month.
the 30 min alone was spent him talking about his experience, and her learning how to help him. The time together was to help with typical marriage counciling.

They've been getting better they were separated for almost 7 months but they've moved back in together recently.

Answer 7

My husband has been to Iraq twice and never acted this way, and he has ptsd. Either he fooled around with one of the girls why he was there, or he had been unhappy but unwilling to say anything. You really need to talk with him and ask him why he has had such an abrupt change of heart. I hope everything work sout for you.

Answer 8

War can change men. But don't give up hope and possible help for your relationship. He may be experiencing depression or some type of post traumatic stress.

Take care of yourself. If he won't get help, then you get help for yourself.

I'll pray for you.

Answer 9

often times we as ladies do merely not comprehend what we choose. Please bypass and promises your husband a hug and kiss him. each guy usually has a "guy cave". Its element of the homestead, even if is the storage, outside on the porch, or possibly a small secluded position contained in the decrease back backyard with a shed. adult males prefer to carry jointly themselves from thime to time. Its the DNA of what makes them who and what they're... adult males are territorial as contained in the wild too. I digress. He feels isolated, disconnected, and not in any respect element of the relatives. frequently more desirable than none, adult males are quite very tender beings, yet they comprehend if any weak spot is displayed, we may be able to/will eat them alive. (As contained in the wild too). I comprehend your plight, as my husband has a guy cave and over a era of months at the same time as i stated a disconnection we spoke about the "guy Cave" and he said the time on my own allowed him to easily somewhat solace to video show the video games and merely relax in his ingredient. there have been no rules in his guy cave, and he knew that became an section wherein he would not be distracted by: The vacuum, bypass your ft, do not sit down there, i choose the area, and those sorts of issues that we do not see as a situation. at the same time as i will not ask for forgiveness for my candor, i ought to say that the merely excellent paragraph you wrote on your tale speaks volumes: "i have self belief like he's extra of a room mate than a husband. He even sleeps in there, besides the undeniable fact that it fairly is kinda my fault because I kicked him away from mattress considering the fact that he snores like a undergo and wakes me up continuously, being pregnant it fairly is demanding to handle. And he's an highly tremendous human being so he's taking up countless the area in our mattress so i will't get comfortable". THAT PARAGRAPH became no longer VERY variety". Marriage is demanding sufficient, yet once you upload the aspects of disdain, it reaps havoc on the effective ones too. attempt to artwork with him by spending time with him contained in the guy cave. bypass SLOWLY. he's tremendous and the final public of the region of the noisily snoring is probable the muse reason for different concerns. Please locate a medium, I mean it fairly is between the elements of marriage. (COMPROMISE), yet now to not make him experience so disconnected. have self belief ME: some one is available waiting to take him out of the guy cave and all she may even see that he needs is a RECONNECTION! i have self belief you'll do nice. Peace-loved

Answer 10

Hun my hear goes out to you.....I don't know your ages.....but mine woke up one morning and told me he loved me but he wasn't in love with me anymore. But mine was going thru mid life crisis......we went to counseling...but he lied during the sessions.....he said he didn't want to hurt me......but I found out he had someone else.....I did the only thing I could do......I let him go.....I wanted him happy.....because I loved him so.....It has been 2 years and he has already went thru 2 girlfriends....I wish you all the luck.....but you can not make someone love you.....you can only make yourself worthy of someones love.......don't force him......you will only be miserable.....give him time and space....see if you can work it out.........