Got any good political joke to Eeeezzzeeee... the tension ???

Answer 1

A man enters a bar and discovers the bartender is a robot.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
"What's your IQ?" The man replies "150".

The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology and a TV special last night on PBS.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.

He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him a perfectly prepared drink and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100."

This time the robot starts talking about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, fast
food, guns and primetime TV.

Really impressed, the man again leaves the bar to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns.

The robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says... very slowly... "So.... ya .... gonna ... run ... for ... Congress ... again?"


How about one that will piss EVERYONE off? (And no, I'm not racist!)

How Moses Got the 10 Commandments



God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will
make your lives better." The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?" And the
Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?" .... "Thou shall not kill."..... "Not kill?
We're not interested."



So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and
Mother."...."Father? We don't know who our fathers are."



Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said....."Thou shall not
steal.".... "Not steal? We're not interested."



Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments." The French too
wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit
adultery."...."Not commit adultery? We're not interested."



Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments.
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"....."They're
free."....."We'll take 10."


Here's a political joke, aimed especially at Liberals. Very amusing, at least, IMHO, because I know people like this.

TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL


1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

GOD BLESS AMERICA . . . . oooooops, can't do that either

Answer 2

President Bush, Dick Cheany, and Hilary Clinton r all on a plane. Bush throws 10 $100 bills out the door and says, " Just like that i made ten people happy." Then Cheany throws out 100 $100 dollar bills out the door and says," I just made 100 people happy." Then Hilary Clinton throws 200 $100 bills out the door and says, "I just made 200 people happy. While this is going on the pilot mumbles to himself, " Those big shots think there so great. if i threw them out the door, I'd make 100 billion people happy."

Answer 3

George Bush is the epitome of America and he's the best President ever!!! Yippeeeee

Answer 4

Americans with No Disabilities Act.

WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer (D) CA. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy , (D) MA, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Answer 5

I got a hilarius one!


George W. Bush has a brain!

Lol

Have a nice day

Answer 6

That's brilliant. They should print jokes. And then bomb the region with jokes.

Answer 7

W. thinks that the National Anthem starts with "Jose, can you see..."

Answer 8

Yeah, the democrats really care about the little guy and not their own power. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Answer 9

I GOT A GOOD ONE...................GEORGE BUSH..........HAHAHA