My boyfriend's ex is still in the picture...?

Question

It's not like he wants her back, or that anything bad is happening, but it's starting to get to me. She sends him text messages like "did we have fun?" (regarding their relationship) or things like "are you in love?", when I think they're just rediculous questions to ask because 1) she has a new boyfriend who is in the army, and if she cared about him, she wouldn't be worried about her old relationship, and 2) whether or not we're in love shouldn't matter to her because it's not her relationship. I wish she would just leave him alone.

Another problem is that all my boyfriend does in response to these messages is ignore them. That, to me, is not really helping much. It's saying, "I don't want to hurt her", but at the same time, it's saying "it's okay that she sends me the messages, since I don't respond to them anyhow". Why doesn't he just text her and tell her to leave him alone? Or at least to stop asking dumb questions?

I love this guy so much. This is killing me.

FYI:

I talked to my boyfriend about it. He got almost frustrated because he said he was planning on telling her to stop, but now that I told him that he should do it, it'd be like he was doing it because I told him to.

It almost makes me feel as though I shouldn't be able to say how I feel...it makes me very unhappy.

Answer 1

Well, I'm too old for that **** (but it goes on all the time.) How much do you love this guy? I wonder how long they were together (and how long were you?) When somebody's got a bf in the army, they've got 'play time on their hands' and that's what's going on here, man. Boy, the timing sucked too when you asked him to stop and he "was almost ready to do it." (I believe him.) It sucks because if you had waited a teeeeeeny bit longer, then things would have worked outyour way! Now, it makes you miserable thinking you screwed up /appear (to him) now to be 'telling him wht to do.' Guys DO hate that sorta ****. (I'm married to a moron who hates it.. I went to college, he's got a GED and I ****** up marrying him man..)Well, it could have been worse, man.. you could have contacted her and told her to leave him alone, buzz off and the like.. (lol) Good for U you didn't. I think time will heal this all up.. wait a week, no make that two. Hey, I just re-read this. you don't say he DID or did not tell her to buzz off. (Did he?) If he did, then I say wait a week, don't bring it up.. make it FUN as hell for him (next 2 weeks..) Run around, screw off a lot.. you get my drift. Make him be in LOVE (w/you natch!) Divert his attentions. If he just keeps ignoring her, this kinda sux.. you're gonna just be miserable I am thinking.. (hm, now I am curious.. which is it.. which did he do? ignore her? tell her stop?) curiousity killed the cat (me in this case.) (oh and she loves to ask dumb questions because it is obvious to me she IS just that.. dumb!) You sound intellient.. (you sure you want to stay w/this guy? you need a smart man..) Don't let it 'kill you' as guys do this 'kill women' deal (too damned much) in my book. At least you aren't some over the hill broad (me!) w/some husband w/erectile dysfunction (who thinks it is MY friggin' fault..guys.. such assholes at times..) later - melancholia

Answer 2

Seei if he's not responding while you're around him what really makes you think he's not doing it while you're not around? She must not be in love with her new boyfriend if she's so concerned with you your relationship. I have a question, why does it matter if he's in the Army? we're not bad people we're also entitled to love right. anyway to get back on track, It really does not matter how the relationship ended, it's very irelevant. I know some people will justify having any kind of contact with their ex-significant other by saying "we're just friends and we ended up in good terms' wait that smell like B.S! they obviously broke up for reason and attraction will definitively will always be there. Is that something you're willing to deal with? well thats my 2 cents..

Answer 3

This woman is after your man. Questions like that, are checking on him and his relationship. They are not harmless. As for him, you better watch him too. He should respond to these messages as, "Its none of your business, so don't worry about it." A non-response does not say start or stop. As for him not telling her to stop because it looks like you're telling him what to do. I don't think he would feel the same way if you gave him money and TOLD him to go buy a x-box.

Answer 4

I completely agree with you. And it does not seem that he wants to get the ex out. From what you say the way that he is acting would totally frustrate me. Ask your self, "Is my boy friend for real"? For me I am for totally moving on that is from an ex and the old relationship. U know making life better with your partner, and having the best relationship u can. And not just the apperance of one. He should treat u like a queen and there should be no doubt in your mind about his devotion to you.

Answer 5

He is better off ignoring them. By responding it shows her that he has read the message. If he continues to ignore them long enough she will give up and go away.

Answer 6

tell your bf to tell her to stop sending messages b/c he is taken and she obiviously isnt if she is still tryin to talk to him...then ask your bf what he would do if the roles were reversed and you had an ex text you..(hopefully he will give you an honest answer)

Answer 7

Tell your boyfriend to either fix the problem, or make a choice because it is really bugging you. He needs to understand that this is pissing you off. Best of luck......

Answer 8

well, if he loves you he should stop taking to her about what they had cuz that is the past and you 2 are the future.

Answer 9

btw - you are hot!!!!!!!!!!

need to talk with bf and talk him about your feeling