what can i do to stop my teenage son??

Question

from being a moody whinge bag, he has reverted to behaving like a 4 yr old, stamping his feet and sulking, i cant exactlty take his toys off him, he works full time has great friends acts like an adult when out an about, but behaves like a daft muppet around me, what can i do?? ps hes 18

Answer 1

Take him for mother/son time out to a nice natural place like the beach, mountains or some other place where you can enjoy nature.

Let him know that you want to talk with him about an important issue but you will not discuss it until you are parked.

Once you reach your destination, begin your talk with words of reinforcement. Let him know how much you value and cherish him. Let him know how proud you are of him. Let him know how much you appreciate his friends and then let him know that there is still one small issue which needs to be resolved.

When you present your issue to him, don't state it in a hurtful way. Instead, tell him that as wonderful as he is, you are having a problem dealing with his uncharacteristic tantrums and occasional childlike behavior which is making things unnecessarily difficult when they occur.

Discuss his reasons for it. Discuss the long-term harm that can occur from it. Pouting, whining, sulking and stomping feet are forms of manipulation and not only does nobody like to be manipulated - it is not fair to anybody. How will this manipulation affect future relationships with girlfriends? Will they stick around for more? Discuss techniques that you can both agree on where you can call him out on his behavior if he reverts to pouting, whining…..

Try to show him other ways to deal with his anger and frustrations. If you attend a church or temple, speak to your priest, reverend or rabbi for suggestions.

The nice things about having this discussion in a nature setting are:
A) Nature tends to have a calming effect on us.
B) He will most likely feel less threatened than he would in your house,
C) Even if he does not like the way the conversation is going, there really is no place for him to go until you finish talking WITH him.

Once you finish your conversation, hug and reassure him how much you care about him and his happiness. Then take him out for a special lunch or dinner.

You might need to reinforce his positive behavior when he tries to revert to manipulation but, in time, he should change his ways for the best - and he will love you for it.

All the best to you!

Answer 2

If he lives with you ask him to consider taking his things and his bad attitude somewhere else, you say he has friends and works full time so presumably has money.
You would not take this behaviour from another woman's 18 year old son, that he's your son is irrelevant to how he treats you. Everyone deserves respect, especially his mum!
If this is not possible, ask him to go out or stay in his room so you have free time, you can insist he make his own meals and clean his room if he doesn't already.
Be strong and show him that you will not tolerate this anymore, he does love you so you have an opening.
I will be thinking of you both x

Answer 3

Have you asked him why he is being a moody whinge bag? Is there a reason he feels that he cannot tell you? Is this 4year old act hiding something? Or does he just need a 'clip round the ear'ole'? Either way, be blunt and upfront - ask him!

Answer 4

Ignore him for a while so he sees that you can't survive in the real world with this behaviour. But always keep an eye on him...you don't want to hurt him, just to make him like an 18 year old boy!...

Before that, talk to him about it or try to find out -by investigating his life- any possible reason for treating like that.... You must show him that you really love him and that you will be here for him.

Answer 5

I would worry about it as little as possible. He might behave like a muippet now but face it and enjoy it because before you know he's the age of the muppets Statler and Waldorf.

Answer 6

Sit down and talk to him, this may be a way he is asking for your attention. There might me something major going on in his life that he is unsure how to handle. Have a night for just the two of you like a movie night or something. And just start talking about life and see if he lets you in. Don't pressure him just let him do the talking, I bet you will see a big difference. Remember when he is around his buddies he has a rep to keep. Around you he can be himself.

Answer 7

Time to start setting age appropriate rules. He is 18 so technically, what you say should go. You ahve to decide what your willing to put up with and where your going to draw the line, then sit and explain these conditions. It could be very helpful to draft a contract stating the expectations and if he refuses to sign then it time for him to start looking for a new home to live in.

Answer 8

Well unless he is paying room and board I would set him down and give him 2 choices.
1 - start acting like the adult he is .
or
2 - time to move out.
After all he is 18 and working shure it will be ruff on both of you but you need respect and if he does not respect you tell him to go.

Answer 9

Suggest he either shapes up or ships out, he is a big boy now, if he has all the answers now is the time to check em out!
Have been there and bought the teeshirt, they forget that once they are 18 you have done your time. The rest is up to them, you OWE them nothing! Once they actually do grow up the reach that conclusion trust me.

Answer 10

Don't buy into it. You know he can act like an adult, so don't give him any reinforcement (positive or negative) when he acts like a baby.

Say: "I'll be more than happy to discuss A, B or C when you can speak like an adult" and leave the room.

and encourage him to get his own place, now he's an adult.