and found that she had emailed him, too. He lives halfway across the country, but we're moving near there in two months. When I confronted her about it, she said "Oh, I looked him up a long time ago, it's nothing." When I told her I knew from the browser "History" that it was the day before, she became teary. She claims that nothing bad was happening, and that she just wanted to say hi to him. Our relationship has been very good, with normal ups and downs, but I am a very supportive/understanding husband. She told me that she lied because she didn't want me to think anything was happening (backfired, eh?).
My question is, what to think of this. Should I be concerned about moving to the ex's territory? Should I "forbid" any future contact? If it was just innocent, than I would hate to be "that guy" that controls his wife. Women, can this scenario be "innocent"?
2006-07-14 09:59:34 · 19 answers · asked by Whattodo? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now while she was wrong in not telling you she looked him up and then trying to play it off like it was a while back, I do think this was innocent. She may have only been trying to hide it because she didn't want to upset you or have you thinking she had any interest in this person. Like you said, backfired. I believe a person can be curious as to how old friends (and old ex's) have been, without meaning they want to hook up with them.
Be confident of yourself and dont be concerned about moving closer to the ex. I honestly believe its innocent and nothing will come of it. More harm may be done if you dwell on this and dont let it go, in my opinion.
And I wouldn't forbid her. Just talk with her and let her know you wont mind as long as she is open about things with you. No talking to him behind your back anymore. Communication is the key.
Good luck on your move!
2006-07-14 10:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by heathermama_tx 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
depending on the country and her faith and custom she would not favor to be considered as an unmarried lady even as that's commonly used that she has youthful little ones? in common words a concept. carrying a wedding ceremony ceremony ring perchance a way in which she stops strangers from determining that she is and in no way making use of a/her husband. i'm now not judging her or you or making any social remark, purely speculating somewhat there. Technically regardless of the very incontrovertible actuality which could not he's inspite of the actuality that married to her? i'd analyze the different valuable homes of your courting which contain your boyfriend. is this the only element that concerns you or are there different factors that make you doubt him? What i'd be extra interested in (if I genuinely were you) is how surprising a father he's and if my substantial different had a toddler with yet another female i'd completely assume him to love that toddler more advantageous than me and positioned the youngster first - if he did not i'd not evaluate he replaced into once ok for me to love him. i wish that's smart, what I advise is that a good guy ought to continuously positioned his toddler(s) first and that if he's a respectable guy then each of the extra purpose why you should love him.
2016-11-02 01:53:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know from your words I believe you that you were a good husband... Don't forbid her anything. Maybe there are people for who forbiddions wok but not for people like me for example. But I don't know the carackter of your wife. But think of this... I have been with my boyfriend for more than 2 years and some time ago we had some really bad quarrels. Apart of them everything was always great and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. But lately we began to quarrel of some stupid things. And after his offence on another stupid thing I went on-line and surched for a guy who I knew 3 years ago and who loved me very much and gave me flowers every time he met me and was very good to me. He lives in another country now but actually the country I like very much. He was very happy to hear me and we talk very often now. And I am really happy of this either. So I recommend you to check if you really do everything you can for your wife to be happy! You know when I was thinking to write or not to write to this guy I really remembered all the flowers and restaurants he took me to. So I wish you Good Luck! Show your wife you are better than her ex! Don't forbid anything, this won't help. Just be very good to her. And I don't know if you have to move there. I can't decide what to tell. Hmm.. I am still too young :)
2006-07-14 10:29:01 · answer #3 · answered by Maria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, it can be very innocent. I had a friend who was a little bored with her marriage and so she contacted some exes. They chit chatted over messenger, then she remembered why she didn't end up marrying them and it was over. Her husband knew what she was doing, he just let her do what she felt she needed. Anyway, they are stronger than ever. So, yes, it can be innocent. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape yet, but you might keep an eye on it. You might at least ask her if she's happy with your relationship, and if not see what you guys can do to improve it. Sometime just going new places and breaking up a routine can help a lot.
2006-07-14 10:25:52 · answer #4 · answered by babe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You best back off now. You have been spying on your wife. She was curious. Why does an EX become an enemy??? Can't she have an Ex that she remains friends with. I do...and I am very friendly with them, not sexual. I spent a lot of time with them and it would be stupid to burn a bridge .. friends are hard to come by. Get over your insecurities..you have the problem not her. Oh, and I suggest...strongly suggest..that you don't even thing of the "forbid" word again. That is a sure fire way of shoving her right out the door. Grow up and relax. So much energy over so little. Geees!
2006-07-14 10:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The looking up wasn't so bad. The lie she told you was awful. I don't think this was that innocent. You are moving near this guy, and she's looking him up and emailing him. Wow, I think you have some serious issues here. She has to understand this. I'd be suspicious. Make sure she feels bad about it, don't let her shrug this off. She violated the trust of your marriage, that's a real strong blow. Good luck.
2006-07-14 10:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be honest with you, of all the web searches I have ever done I do the most on my first love. It isn't that I am not happy with my wife, it is just that this person taught me how to love or at least I taught myself how to while loving her. I want to see how she is doing, what she is doing, etc. There were a lot of discussions we had about future plans and whatnot, we talked about everything. I just want to know that she is doing ok and that her life turned out like she had hoped. I feel guilty for breaking up with her on some BS. I wouldn't try to get back with her or anything, I just want to see how she is doing. I love my wife and would hope she would understand.
2006-07-14 10:11:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, lighten up! What are you doing snooping around on your wife anyway? Do you go through her underwear? Her purse? You're awfully insecure for a mature man. Just drop it. She probably wanted a little excitement in her life with a controlling freak like you. Develop some boundaries, will ya? You're going to push the woman into doing something drastic!
2006-07-14 10:29:43 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be innocent curiosity. I keep trying to find a guy I dated in High School (30 years ago!), just to say "Hi, how did your life turn out?"
You either trust your wife or you don't. If you trust her, let her google on the guy's name. It's not going to go anywhere.
You may want to discuss her emailing him, to see if she may be reopening old wounds (for the guy).
If you don't trust your wife, you have bigger issues than her looking up an old boyfriend. You may want to think about counseling.
2006-07-14 10:09:08 · answer #9 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey
if your marriage has been good then be done! dont even get angry, dont jump to conclusions, what do you want blood?! you have a good woman, she just wanted to say hi! you act as if you have never wanted to say hi to an old girl friend before...and if you say no your lying! everyone does from time to time, most of it is just that hi, ohh you have kids good! and just that, some ex's hate eachother, good too!
Dont concern yourself with foolishness, and upset that lady! Just continue to be a great and loving husband, after all did she marry him, give her life to him, promise to be there in good times and bad with mr, ex? NO SIR....she choose you, and that was a great choice for her, give her a break, no go make love!
hope you listen, rayjenne
2006-07-14 10:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋