Please help me take care of my jealous streak.?

Question

Okay, so basically this is what it is. My boyfriend and I have been in this relationship for a little more than five years. It's a long distance relationship. And we're both in love and happy, etc. The problem, however, is with me.

I'm not normally a jealous person. My boyfriend does these things like playing Halo long hours with his buddies or going out with friends, etc, and I don't mind one bit. I realize that we should both do stuff we like to do on our own and I'm fine with that. So I'm not possessive, or anything.

But I hate it when he so much as calls another woman attractive. I know it's human nature to find other people attractive even while you're with someone. But I'm still jealous. And I even know why I'm jealous: my own insecurities. I know he loves me and that he would never cheat on me. He's been asked out before and he's stayed loyal to me despite all that. Then what is my problem? This jealousy is ruining my life and I know it'll ruin our relationship one day.

Someone please help me understand why I'm so insecure. :( What can I do to not be so jealous anymore.

Thank you all for your answers, I can't choose one best answer since there are so many good ones.

He does pay a lot of attention to me, actually. He tells me how much he loves me pretty much every day. He hasn't even called any woman attractive in front of me, just in forums (after seeing pictures of pretty womenm, etc) not even in person. I found out by googling him up (I know, I'm not proud of myself either for spying on him).

But thank you everybody for your replies, and I think some of you hit the nail on the head. I was cheated on by my exboyfriend and have had issues ever since.

Thankyou everyone, once again. :)

Answer 1

Yes, you are correct. It is normal for people in relationships to still find other men/women attractive. But do you really understand that? Perhaps maybe you don't want to hear his comments about other people that he finds attractive. Since you know that he won't cheat on you, then tell him that you can't hear him say those things to you anymore. Just tell him that you need to talk to him, tell him that his comments are getting you upset, and to please stop. It worked for me!

Answer 2

Well we dont know you well enough to determine exactly what the reason could be because it could be many things
but I know insecurity comes from going through problems
and has alot to do with other people. Take a look at your childhood. Did anything ever happen to you that was a problem emotionally? Physically? Or even from your adult hood? Anything that affected you to the point where you felt that you werent ''good enough'' on an unconscious level. Keep in mind that this dosent HAVE to have something to do with other men, relationships etc. it could be anything. This insecurity is comes from, alot of the time, feeling like your not good enough. See if your confidence was higher, you wouldnt be affected so much by your bf saying that other women are attractive, you could even agree with him like ''yeah shes pretty'' and after that, stil feeel confident and comfortable in your own skin. It could be so many things. Think about things in your life that affected you deeply and start trying to put the peices together.

Answer 3

First of all, calm down...I have been there ( and still get that way sometimes) I know how your feeling and what your feeling....I think it's the worst feeling in the world...it makes you say things you don't mean, do things you might not normally do, indescribable pain and you can't get it out no matter what, it stings, hurts, grates on your nerves, makes you sick, you feel like you have NO control of yourself or of the way your feeling...I started out by meditating and getting self help books....I started rationalizing with myself and telling myself that there was nothing I could do about someone else....only me...so..I worked on myself...sometimes it rears it's green ugly head but I try very hard to squash it before it gets out of control..I don't always succeed but if I fall, I get right back up and start over....I made the deal with myself that I wouldn't let jealousy get the best of me and eat me alive (which it was doing) you have to be strong, which you are...IF you can be THAT jealous, then you CAN BE just as CALM and rational...it takes time and patience....you are beautiful, your boyfriend loves you and even if for some reason you two would NOT wind up together....YOU WILL GET PAST IT.....you can beat it...give yourself pep talks....don't fall into the trap of succumbing...that's too easy of a way out.....
I try to look at it this way too....there will always be someone prettier than me, smarter than me, wealthier than me.....it doesn't matter...you can compare all day long and really get nowhere...work on yourself girl...if I can overcome this thing...then I know you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

it is up to you to change the way you think about others, i can honestly say that i used to be the same way. it was so childish to me. i mean why be jealous if there is nothing to be jealous about. if he truly loves you, then another girl being attractive is not an inkling of what he feels for you. you are everything to him, but sometimes he just thinks that other women are attractive. maybe you should try to put yourself in his position. what if you always said that a guy was attractive. do u think that he would mind or get jealous? no, of course not, b/c guys think differently than girls. so, all you can do is just think about how much he wants to be with you; therefore there is no other reason for you to feel bitter against another woman. afterall, what if a guy with a g/f told you that you were attractive? wouldn't that brighten your day? good luck sweetie

Answer 5

You lack faith in yourself...You must have enough confidence with who you are to realize such comments that make you jealous is the small stuff...they don't compare to who you are and what is between you and your bf, they can't hurt your relationship at all. But on the same note, realize the only way they can is by your own reactions and no other way...you are in control of how this situation is handled, choose not to let the small stuff ruin your relationship nor the way you feel...have faith in yourself you have nothing to be jealous about...good luck..blessings.

Answer 6

I'm afraid no one really knows why you're insecure but you. You know you best. I can help you try to stop yourself from getting jealous though. Remember that he might find others attractive, just as you might, but the important thing is that he finds you to be the most beautiful woman in his eyes. That's the key difference. Hope that helps!

Answer 7

look at it this way. If you think the girl that he calls attractive is attractive in your opinion then he must think that you are even more attractive. You have to understand the way a guy thinks. He isn't out to make you jealous. Obviously he thinks you are the most attractive girl or he wouldn't be so loyal. take his comments to other girls as saying that you are better then them because he is with you and not them.

Answer 8

My boyfriend has A LOT of female younger friends and IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!! Of course they all are thinner and have bigger boobs to boot...anyway...

Best thing to do is talk to him about it. Let him know how much you care, and that you do get a little jealous. (It helps boost their ego and make them feel manly and loved) Maybe tell him things you need like a little more attention even just things like random notes, texts, phone calls or emails. Tell him you know it's your insecurity, and if he could help you with it. (Don't blame him or he'll get mad like they always do.) Make him feel involved and loved and that theres no other one than him.

I found it really helps, and any time the green eyed monster rears its ugly head, just let him know in a cute way, and it'll let him know how special he is to you.

Answer 9

girlfriend I too am very jealous the only thing that is differenet between you and me is my now husband has cheated on me many times troughtout the years but it's been a very long time since he has and if he would again (it would be to bad for him) and ways I believe he has no respect for you if he says it when your there or at all he should only think it

Answer 10

I would like to say that maybe your heart needs to be confirmed in its present state by extra attention from him. More of everything. Its is great to be strong on the outside. Let the Heart felt emotion of the inside be the power that brings the joy that you have for each other. Full expressions of the heart. Confirm your love for each other with good communication about where you both are. And this will calm your spirit. Discover why you are in love with each other.