Is our society too easy on female child predators?

Question

This question is not to take a shot at women, but just the opposite. I think that when a male teacher has sex with his female student (who is a minor) he gets the book thrown at him. In my opinion this is rightfully so. However, I am troubled that alot of female teachers don't get as harsh of punishment as men do when they have sex with their male students (who are minors).
In my theory, I blame us men for this. Instead of viewing both instances with equal repulsion like they should, and as most women do, I think they (we) tend to apply a double standard. I think that men hear of the women teachers doing things with their students and subconciously revert back to schoolboy fantasies, thus making it not seem as bad in their mind's sight as a male teacher doing the same thing with his female student. Do you agree? Why or Why not?

Answer 1

You articulated your question very tactfully, and I don't find your comments offensive as a "shot at women" at all. :-) I think you're dead on with the idea of *some* men reverting back to schoolboy fantasies. The student may think he's had some big conquest, bagged a big trophy, really gotten away with something, and sickeningly, some adults won't see the problem with it either. Along with that, some men have the old boys' club mentality, boys stick together, boys-will-be-boys "ah he was just tryin' ta get a little, who didn't at that age, instincts, hormones, blah blah blah and why should we begrudge him that?" Yuck. You know there are some people who really do think that way. I also think you're absolutely right that whatever the reason, the double standard is wrong. There is probably also something to the still-persistent underlying assumption of women as the weaker, submissive sex and males as the aggressors -- even when the males are minors!

I've never personally known a teacher who was involved with a student, but like everyone else, I've seen the high-profile cases on the news. When it's a male teacher, news reports talk about him like he's a deliberate predator, a sick, perverted pedophile. When it's a female teacher, yeah she's sick, but more sick in a pathological lack of self-control, pathetic desperate for attention kind of way.

I doubt any of the women convicted & serving prison terms would view it this way, but if you think about it, it's actually quite insulting to women to apply a lesser standard, as if the law actually acknowledges in a roundabout way, that men are powerful & in control and dictate the direction of a relationship (and therefore responsible for their actions) and women are weak and submissive and less responsible for the progression of a relationship (and therefore can't be held accountable to the same degree as men). Maybe it's just that the women's lawyers know this bias exists, and play it to their advantage.

I teach at the high school level, and I'm young enough to still get certain looks & smiles & comments from male students. There have been times I knew I was being tested. A male student, within the first couple weeks of a new school year when we're all still getting to know each other, will do something flirty, and I know he's doing it to see how I will react. Opinions will be formed -- by him and anyone else present -- will be formed based on how I react. Will I refer him for discipline? try to humiliate or shame him? call his parents? show anger or embarassment? be receptive? I think any of those would set a bad example & invite disrespect. Instead, I pay it as little attention as possible, and if I must acknowledge it, I do so quickly, lightly, and as emotionlessly as possible. They seem to like it best if he's a little embarassed but not humiliated, and if I appear to have taken it as a joke & then dismissed it. If I can't just pretend I didn't notice, I'll just shake my head "no" or say "Whoops, none of that or we'll lose our G-rating." Maybe I'll take the next opportunity to call the student "little brother" or "son", or I find a way to make a joke about how old I am. My focus has always been on how to bring them back to reality without encouraging them or humiliating. I've never even been tempted to think of it any other way, but whenever one of these high profile cases shows up in the news, I can't help but stop and think and just ... try to wrap my mind around what would make a teacher even tempted, let alone to actually step outside that role of responsible authority, of positive role model, and allow anything to happen with a child who's been entrusted to that teacher by the child's parents and the school system. The fact that the child may look & act like an adult, may express consent, and may even be the aggressor doesn't change anything, and this is true whether the teacher is male or female. Even if it's not deliberate or conscious, there is an implied coercion and abuse of authority when any person in authority crosses that line with a subordinate.

I'm not sure my opinion as a mom counts on this one, because I have two very young daughters -- if I had sons, I could try to imagine what I'd think if my son had a relationship with a teacher -- but all I can think of how I'd feel when my daughter becomes a teenager, if a male teacher ever.... :: shudders :: I think any teacher -- regardless of gender -- who viloates that trust, who abuses that relationship, and who crosses that line with a student has committed a horrible attack on the small and fragile amount of innocence that remains in our teenagers today.

I have so much respect for my students, and my fondest hope for them is that they all grow up to be healthy, happy adults. I not only find the idea of an inappropriate relationship with a student NOT tempting but actually full-on repulsive, but I also know that in order for a teacher to do that, the teacher would have to be completely devoid respect for them in order to view the act as mutual pleasure instead of theft of trust and innocence. The teacher would have to rank that act as a higher priority than their future, and abuse her role as trusted authority figure in order to carry it out. In my mind, that is a predator. I suppose that people who commit crimes aren't usually thinking of the consequences when they do it, either because they don't care, or think they have a right, or think they won't get caught -- all of which is also predatory thinking. It's every bit as predatory, uncivilized, coercive, and abusive -- and it's the same crime whether the predator is male or female. Anyone who thinks a female teacher who has a relationship with a student is less criminal, less sick, less responsible, or less predatory than a male teacher guilty of the same offense -- whatever their reason for thinking it -- they're wrong.

Answer 2

I have to agree it is a double standard. I am not sure how the male psychology works in regards to some sexual fantasy, but I do think that the laws and punishments should be equal.

Also,since many of the laws are made by men, I think that plays a key role in who gets punished how. The double standard will always be there, unless someone decides to do something about it.

Answer 3

Only in this country can we plea bargain for a lessor sentence. As far as I am concerned if you break a law, any law, the punishment should be the same for all. In the cases of child predators men and women should be equally punished. I think they are harsher on men because the majority of child predators are in fact men.

Answer 4

I don't think they should be put to death,unless they killed the child. If they sexually abused a child let him stay in prison until he can no longer get an erection. Anyway, I hear that once the other prisoners find out the person doesn't last long anyway. In most cases its the judges that are easy on the predators.

Answer 5

I agree with your statement that there is a double standard at play when it comes to this type of situation. I believe that no sex crime in this country is punished to the extent that it should be. Any crime against a child should automatically be penalized with double the sentence that someone committing the same crime against an adult would receive.

Answer 6

In our modern day society women are still thought of as the weaker sex. Granted we get alot more respect than we used to, but the thought of a woman sexual predator is still new and unheard of. It's hard to think of men as victims of a sex crime. It's wrong but that's the way it goes.

Answer 7

I totally agree with you!!!!!! A child predator is a child predator. They find ways to lure kids into the trap and hurt them. I think ALL child predators, male or female, straight, bi, or gay, should be sentenced to death period.

Answer 8

yes i have heard of this before. i agree but until people become cold hearted to the core, they'll be let off a little easier

Answer 9

Yes, especially since teenage boys are so willing