Is the divorce only answer?

Question

Have a husband, who does not help around the house and with kids, does not 'care' about me, at least doesn't show that. It seems that I have tried 'everything' to get him more loving and passionate. I would describe him as 'cold'. It's not that he does not love me (sometimes I doubt that) butno kisses, no sex for weeks and weeks, and believe it or not, we have been married for 2-3 years and we are in mid 20s. So, help me please?!

Thanks!!!!

I have tried talking to him so many times, and it seems to me that I'm just waisting my time. I loved him so dearly, but now I feel more aggitated by his behaviour and 'coldness' than love him. He tries to be a good husband, but that lasts max 2 days. So...?!

Answer 1

get out whilst you still can, or wake up in 30 years asking where did my life go.

Answer 2

No. I think you have got stuck in a right rut. Dont give up. I am sureBut you are right, things will have to change. Life is too short to be unhappy for such a long period. You are both young and have a family and probably alot of pressures on you. Maybe this is what is wrong.. Talk to him. Maybe something is really getting him down and he is withdrawing cos he is not coping well. I know sometimes its hard to talk to your partner when things have got to this stage but try. Write him a letter even... sounds daft, but its a controled way of saying all you feel without getting into an arguement or interupting or blaming eachother. Remember why you love him and that all relationshps go through really hard times. Or try counselling. Best of luck xx

Answer 3

If all that is true...and more importantly he wasnt like this when you first got together...then you have to sit down and talk with him.

Ask him outright....what changed?

Kisses should be an every day thing...in the morning and at night at least when your leaving or going to sleep.

Sex?? Well thats pretty much up to the individual couples...sometimes its hard to find the time for once a week let alone every night. Its a bit unreasonable to expect GREAT sex every night when one or the other is exhausted but working out a "its just for me" this time and a "its just for you" next time deal is a good idea.

If he's totally unresponsive...then you have to face the facts
that he's either involved or interested in someone else. Or he is suffering from a clinical depression....but he has to talk honestly about it with you.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds as if your husband is harboring deep anger and or is depressed.

It may help to have him go see a medical doctor and obtain a full physical. There may be underlying medical issues either causing or contributing to the problem.

Next in the day and age of easy advice - a divorce is NOT always the answer to your marriage problems. A good marriage requires years and years of relationship building both through good and bad times. I strongly recommend Christian counseling with a well trained experienced family counselor.

If it works out, you'll be glad you did and it'll be well worth it. Afterall it's your life and your sanity! If it turns out that after you get to the bottom of the truth that he simply doesn't want to or won't do anything to take responsibility for his part in this, then again, it's your life and your sanity. You'll be able to make a better more informed choice for yourself and your children.

Good luck and God bless you!

Answer 5

I think that the answer for divorce because if he don't care about you and kids and not help you at all and never told you how much he loves you and no sex for weeks and weeks oh my god that COLD hard head dude.

I am male I help my wife alot and I always tells my wife how much I really love her and I always help my wife with kids and Kids I always to help and never once say can't or don't want to. It made me so mad that he should of though about it before he got you pregant and then now not love you anymroe????? and you guys are so young... and I now married for 9 years and very srong about this.

I am sorry that all the things not show anything what normal man suppose to be doing in marriage.. then it worthless crap of him. Pls., Find a place first and get everything you need for you and kids and all the stuff you need and then get the rest later. You can sepation from him or get divorce papers and then get retraining orders, and child support if he can't help with kids then he will have to pay for child support. That only way he will have to learn how to be a man to take care of kids. It not like you get him payback no it for him to see the real life. If he begging you to come back tellhim he need to show you what real man he is and give him a 2 years for him to work so hard to get you back and that equal your sex, not helping in the house and kids and everything.

Answer 6

Divorce is only the answer after you have tried absolutely everything else. Do you love him? I know its not easy when guys don't seem to help around the house or with the kids. Sometimes we need to find a creative way to get them more active in things.

Talking about things is the easiest way to try to get a handle on things. Without communication its hard to make any relationship work.

Nagging or hounding men to do things never works. We need to beat them at their own game sometimes. It doesn't work with teenager either ... its never easy that is for sure.

Look within yourself and see if what it is you really want. Talk to your husband and seek counseling if necessary to work though thing.

When you have tried everything you won't have to ask questions you will just know.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I am in a similar situation except I'm older. I've been married for 9 years to a selfish man. We have no children and I have recently separated from him. He does help around the house, but we don't kiss or hug and he's always tearing me down. Never has a good word to say to me.

Now that I've left, he begs me to come home. He tells me I look nice when I see him. He kisses me a little. I've told him that if he wants me back , he will have to really prove it, not just some little bull crap. I live in my own place now, and am learning to like it. It's a bit lonely at times, but I'm enjoying being myself.

I may divorce him, but I'm trying to hang in there until the last hope is gone.

Try therapy or talking to him, but if he doesn't respond, leave him if you can possibly afford too.

Hang in there and I hope things improve.

Answer 8

Oh, so young and having problems of this kind. I could understand it from an older couple that has been married for twenty years, but not two to three years. Divorce is not the answer. Seek help to settle the problems you are having. Communication is a big key to keeping a happy marriage. Sometimes, it takes a stranger to find out what is going on with him. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Have you tried talking to him? Sometimes, all you need to do is talk to the person and let them know how you feel. You know some guys are just not passionate with the kissing/hugging and sex too. And if he's not going to give hugs/kisses/sex, the least he could do is help around the house. So just talk to him....Also you might need counseling as well.

Answer 10

Divorce is not the answer becuase it is not in the best interest for the kids. It is a last resort. He might be tired or a little bored. Try spurcing up the realtionship. Do something different maybe make a night to go out just you and the husband. He might just need to rekindle the relationship.

Answer 11

You've only been married a short while, but you dont say how long you've been a couple. Men are so not known for their ability to chat and cope with emotions (in general - sorry guys!). Maybe there is something on his mind that he feels he has to protect you from as you husband, or something. Reassure him that you're in this for the long term and that you can talk about anything that's bothering him, and try to work through it. All the best. xx