How do you deal with the death of your first love. He died 9 years ago and I still think about him almost every day. I also have dreams about him alot and even fanticise about what my life would be like if he had lived. His death was so unexpected and left alot of unanswered questions. There are still days when I cry over how much I miss him. No other man has every measured up to him since, even though I am now married with a family and I do love my husband. My mother says that I am loving him with the love of a teenager and I still think of him because of the unanswered questions. Is this normal?
2006-07-14 09:03:56 · 19 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
ignore the people that are telling you to move on and get over it. obviously you've moved on...you're happily married. But you'll never forget him or stop loving him. It's normal. Period.
2006-07-14 09:22:04 · answer #1 · answered by sookieruthie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes. Obviously he was an important person in your life. Your new husband doesn't replace the old; he is another person that you love the same.
My mother lost her first husband when she was 19 years old (26 years ago). He was killed by a drunk driver (who got out of prison last year) driving the wrong way on the expressway trying to commit suicide.
She still looks at the old wedding album, and she used to visit the cemetery up until a few years ago. every time she drives past the place of the accident, she says a prayer; as do we all. She has been happily married with 11 children (all from the second husband, my father), but nothing will replace Bill.
If you still feel that strongly for him it is normal. there isn't anything wrong or embarrasing about counseling though. just a thought. it can only help. Im terribly sorry, but there is more to life, and what you have now, in the living, is great; enjoy it.
good luck
2006-07-14 16:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes of course this is normal. It is always good to remember those we have lost over the years, however you also have to live your life. 9 years is a long time to honour a ghost in such a way. you need to get your closure or else it will torment you for the rest of your life and effect those around you. you should be concentrating on the life you have now and not so much the life you could have had. I know its hard but if you keep fantasizing about this you may lose what you have in reality. Everything subconsciencely arises to the surface at some point , and this could effect your relationship with your husband and children.
2006-07-14 16:15:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over it, my mom was like this after 16 years and it really had a negative effect on us. Now she regrets that she dealt with the death of my father that way. Just appreciate what you had together and what you have now. Live your life to the fullest and offer your family all the love that he offered you. Believe me you'll be happier. And it's not bad to think about him, but turn your negative and sad thoughts to positive ones and remember all the good things rather than the lost things and his death.
2006-07-14 16:08:43 · answer #4 · answered by Sunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
still after 9 yrs ago you are dealing with your 1st loves death? WOW> I believe your mom is right about the unanswered questions..maybe finding some answers will give you closure. Maybe you should try to find out more information about his death??
2006-07-14 16:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nine years is so long. you should have gotten over him by now. maybe you keep comparing your husband to your first love that 's why you still think of him. it's about time to let him go. deal with the present, its not fair to your husband and to your kids. as for the unanswered questions why not just let it be buried with your first love. life has to go on you know.
2006-07-14 16:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by lhee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is normal. You shared a special time with your first love; no one can take that away.
I do caution though that you recognize your feelings, and move on. You have a husband who loves you and wonderful children. Do not lose sight of the now - if you do you will be mourning the loss of your husband and family.
2006-07-14 16:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by 'Barn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel it's completely normal, I lost my grandfather in 99 i felt like i lost my whole world he also died unespectedly i know it differs from what your saying but i still have dreams about him and wonder what it would be like if he was still here.. you never really move on though but maybe your mother has a point..
2006-07-14 16:13:34 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally , I mean you have a right to cry about him. Who cares if you're married. Like if you lost a father and your mother remarried, and you got real close to your step-dad ,you would still have a right to miss your "lost" dad! It's just life!
p.s. sorry 4 the death as well!
2006-07-14 16:07:16 · answer #9 · answered by Joe & Nick Lover ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reasons could be that he is with you and is watching over you. Just talk to him as you would if he was here. It helps and it could be a sign that something was wrong with the way he died and he is trying to tell you. I know that this sounds crazy but I know of someone this happen too.
2006-07-14 16:13:00 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋