Divorcing, need help with an angry 10 year old boy?

Question

I'm just starting what is working up to be a nasty divorce. Tried very hard to make it work with as little drama as possible but my husband is just hell bent on making my life miserable and my son is so angry. I want this so he's mad at me. I started asking him for a seperation months ago, he refused to move out or sign the agreement, living this way has been hell. My marriage has been over for a while and I went out for a drink with a friend, he followed me with my kids in the car, it was ugly. I know it was wrong but I feel like an animal in a cage, now I think my son might never forgive me.

Answer 1

take him to a social worker they will be able to talk him through his hurt and anger

Answer 2

Your son will forgive you. It is you who has to be the adult and make the decisions. The only thing I can say is this. Even if he slings mud, don't ling it back in front of the kids. When they ask questions say that mommy and daddy have a difference of opinion. If anyone says mean things about you just tell the kids, that sometimes people disagree, and that is what daddy thinks but mommy thinks something else. Do not use your kids as a pawn. That is what hurts the most. Also, try spending some alone time with your son and let him know that you love him and will always be ther no matter what.

Answer 3

I feel bad for you. 4 years ago I left my lousy husband and my kids (son especially, who was also 10 at the time). Its been a horrendous 4 years. The kids seem to idolize their father (who, incedentally, was NEVER around all the years I lived there), they have memories of him that don't exist. Its frustrating. My son just moved back with his "wonderful" father, thinking it will be better. Only time will tell, I think he needs to experience it so he knows first hand what kind of person his father really is. Counselling is the only thing I can recommend for your son. Divorce sucks, but I understand your situation. My marriage was awful, I had to get out. Unfortunately, with kids, a divorce isn't the end...my hell goes on and on and on because I still have to deal with their miserable father on a weekly basis (even though we live 5000 kms apart now)...its horrible. Sadly, I cannot wait until my kids are past the age of 18 so I NEVER have to deal with the B@stard again. Sorry you're going through this..God, do I know how you feel.

Answer 4

It sounds like that you are really upset and that you just want things to be a lot easier. I have no idea how exactly you feel, but I can try to help you. Your son is only ten years old. Perhaps maybe he doesn't understand what is going on. I don't know how your family was before, but maybe he saw it as a happy family, and a great place to be. But now, he sees anger and frusteration and it sounds like he is scared. I am no social worker, but you need to get your son to a social worker NOW. If you don't, he's going to have problems either with his body or mind. If his body is affected, he might sweat a lot, tremble a lot, he may have stomach problems or a lot of headaches. If he's angry constantly, he will be even more angry when he becomes a teeanger because he's dealing with physical changes and mental changes and then he would be dealing with this. As for your ex-husband, he just sounds really angry and unsure of what to do. All that I can say is to stay away from him.

Answer 5

The worst thing for you to do would be to put your son in the middle. He is angry and is going to be. It's like someone dying, he needs to grieve. Counseling can help this. No matter what your ex husband does, you need to protect you son's feelings, and I'm sure that is hard for you right now because you have to grieve the loss as well. Always let your son know how much you love him, don't even bring his father up. In time he will adjust and understand that you did what you had to do. If you help him to feel secure and loved he will not hate you later and will come to appreciate and love you more for all that you have done. I know it's hard right now. His father is probably going to make it harder, but as your son grows older he will understand both sides better and see his father for what he is. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

going thru the same problem. I have talk to school councilor and that is what has helped us the most. My son now realizes that it is better that me and his father are apart. Your ex is wrong for bringing the kids there. Show your son every day that he is the most important thing in your life. Don't give up I went to the school councilor because it was free! Kids do open up to others but realize it takes time love and patience. Good luck I'll be thinking of you and your son.

Answer 7

you did the right thing becasue marriage should be about trust, caring, protect, loving, commucations, other more stuff to it..

Now you made that choice becasue what best for you and your son. Your son will need to understand that life not fair. and He will or will not get over it. when I got older and I didn't udnerstand why my mom left my dad when I was 2 and she keep telling me how bad he was and all that and I finally saw my dad firt time 18 years and Now I know what it like. But make sure you don't talk bad about his father to him and make sure that he can visit his dad.. why beause you not doing anything to hurt your son not letting him see him.. let him see for himself and know that father beingmean and my mom being nice ??? he will know.

hope that helps.

Answer 8

You are in a tight place...... I have been in your shoes, and also your son's shoes. In your shoes i know what you mean with living in a cage deal. It is hard, but it will get easier with time. your husband is going to be a jerk. You want out, and the male ego gets hurt real easy, and the easiest way for him to deal with it is to be an a$$. I know cause my now ex-wife wanted out as wel, and i became a jerk. He will calm down, but it will take a bunch of time.

Now for your son's feelings. Like I said i was in his shoes as well. my parents split up when I was 9, and like you my mother wanted out, and I hated her for it. When my parents split I went and lived with my father cause i was so mad at my mother. 2 years later I moved back to my mothers cause I couldnt stand my step mother (she tried to take the place of my mom) My mother and I are very close now, and have been since i turned 17 or 18 (33 now)

Your son is hurt cause you are spliting up the family. He views as your fault and is going to continue to do so for some time. He is to young to understand why you want out, but someday he may come to understand it.

Just be patient with him, and be sure to let him know that the reason you want out has nothing to do with him. That parents sometimes just cant see eye to eye, and that it is really better for you, and his father to not be together.

Good luck with all of it, and dont be to full of pride to go and see a counselor. the three of you should go together it will really help with things. I know it helped me and my two kids.

feel free to email me same name @yahoo

Answer 9

It is tough to explain these things to a child, but time will help. Are you getting your son, is will your husband fight you? If you get your son, you must allow access to his father and hope that with maturity he will understand why you divorced and come to terms with it. But, remember there will be anger and some hatered to deal with, you must be stronger and show unconditional love to win him over. Time will heal all wounds.

Answer 10

Take the computer out of his room and set it up in a substantial component to the living house like the lounge and positioned filters on it so he won't be able to get into pron etc. If he has a television in hose room, take that out of there too. He can in common words watch television in the lounge and in common words once you're saying. particular agencies can get channels blocked besides. you could also get a gadget which will without delay close the television even as time runs out and he won't be able to turn it back on till he has the code If he performs violent age inappropriate video games, take them away be particular your mom follows an same regulations as you so he won't be able to get away with undesirable habit. If he does some thing that breaks your regulations, get rid of privileges. Like no television, no video games, no pc etc. As for the cousin, appears like a terrible impact and that is the position distinct the habit is coming form. I agree without longer permitting your toddler to go over there to sleep. in actuality i'd not enable him over there in any respect. The cousin ought to ought to come to my living house and obey my regulations or go away. once you positioned the regulations, stand with the help of them. do not enable him get away with breaking them and throwing a tantrum over it. positioned your foot down.

Answer 11

Have you tried God threw your situation.It takes time and help to get to the other side.you must sit down and talk to your ex like adults with no fighting or talks about what he did wrong or you did wrong.the focus should be about moving forward and the child.always remember that your child will need someone to talk to but he also will need disapline too.you are the adult and he is the child don't let him forget that.