Just before my girlfriend and I were about to split because we realized there is no trust in our relationship
we find out she is pregnant, worst timing ever !
After we find out the news we have a long talk and decide we should give it another shot.
I am currently living with her and I dont feel happy, I dont want to be there
I have realized I dont want to be with her and we should have never gave it another chance or messed around without using protection.
Whats done is done though right, I cant chenge that now.
I am 100% not in love with her.
My question is, should I stay with her her just because of the baby coming up ?
we already have one child together and did fine and shared the responsabilities with the first one when we slit in the past
Im sure we can do the same with the new one.
I cant help but to feel bad inside if I leave her though.
What should I do ?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thx
2006-07-14 08:50:46 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well I slept with her because we had just got back together and I thought I was still in love with her.
Shes the one who left me , therefore I was the one all upset and wanting her back.
4 or 5 months into it I realized I was more happy without her and we should have never got back together.
It starts off good then it just gets bad.
The whole baby thing was not planned but I am willing to take care of my responsabilities, im not trying to run away from them.
2006-07-14 09:13:31 · update #1
I really appreciate everyones answers, even the ones that make me feel like this is all my fault and im a bad person.
If it wasnt for her being pregnant I would have told her how I felt already, but shes pregnant and I just dont want to hurt her feeling or make her stress right now.
Like I said before, it was just bad timing.
She found out she was preg. on the night we would have broken up.
It sounds unreal but thats exactly how it happened.
2006-07-14 09:30:05 · update #2
I know this is a delicate situation for u. Honestly, I think she will respect you more for telling her the truth. Let her know that you have fallen out of love with her and will still be there for those kids 100%. I swear even ur kids will love you more because u stood up and took resposibility for urself an them. The kids need two parents that can focus on them and they need both parents. Have u ever seen the commercial that asks"Who does depression hurts" Well the answer is everyone and everything. make a better life for urself and those kids. Right now I know she will be emotional being in her state right now but when it is over she will appreciate u more. ur kids won't be the first to not live with their father so don't feel bad. Make the right choice, she deserves to know the love is gone. During the pregnancy U can still make it comfortable for her. Still bring her icecream and other cravings but make it clear U no longer r IN LOVE with her but LOVE her enough to make sure she is fine. Good Luck!
2006-07-14 09:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 5⤋
Well for me I stuck around for 5 years being unhappy with two kids! You must be careful. You could stay for the kids in order to try and do the right thing. Just you asking this questioin tells me that you are an upstanding kind of person. However, sympathy is never a really good thing to use as a means to stay with someone. You could end up in a situation that you will be stuck with like more bills or whatever the case may be. All the time you will have been not that happy, and in the end you could and probably will end up apart. Maybe you should give it some time to think it ove for a while, get counseling or something. You may still be in shock, I don't know! One thing you said ewas that you feel "bad" if you left. Ask yourself why that is the case? Do you really still have feelings for this woman? Relationships can be so complicated because they play on the very emotions that help make us who we are. I know what you are going through. Give it time, but not forever...talk to her and see how you could fix all this, maybe there is salvation inn careful planning and mutual understanding? Don't put too high of expectations on anyone either, that causes a world of problems, and remember you will not like everything about everyone. When the BAD things outweigh the GOOD things, it becomes very hard to get back the relationship that once was. Good luck my friend.
2006-07-14 09:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by truthseeker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in love with her the relationship will never work. You should split up with her for good and give her and yourself a chance to find people you both truly care for.
You will make yourselves miserable and your kids miserable by staying with someone you don't love, doesn't make you happy, and just don't want to be with.
As for the baby you can provide support for her financially. This way you are not leaving her high and dry. You could work out an arrangement with her to take care of the baby financially and visitation rights. You might want to consult Planned Parenthood as I am sure they have experience with these matters.
If you just walk out and leave her own her own this is wrong. But being honest with her and saying you will provide support for the children is the correct thing to do.
2006-07-14 08:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by Glenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I'll be honest and not just say the conveniant thing. It is a catch 22. If you leave, you only end up with visitation of the baby. Can you live with that? It is also important to find out why she left. What was the root of your problem? You may want to see a councelor or a preist and not make the decision on line. This is a LIFETIME decision,and none of us can make it for you. Don't ruin your life for something some stranger said on the internet. there are so many factors that weigh on this decision.
2006-07-14 10:34:24 · answer #4 · answered by rebecca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, the thing is you will not make the child's life better or yours or hers by doing this. If you want to give everyone a good life - be apart of the child's life. Help take care of the child and stay level head with each other don't down each other ever no matter how mad you may make each other at some point in life. But you have to keep it civil that child has now linked your lives forever.
2006-07-14 08:54:28 · answer #5 · answered by lostoneok 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a chick who is pregenate, I strongly believe that being with some one just because you're going to have a baby together is the wrong reason to be in a relationship. In time, you'll just come to resent her and possiably the baby. Seeing them as the people who are holding you down. And you don't want that, do you? Now thats not to say that you can't be there for her DURING the pregenancy and you know you need to be a part of the babys life. After all, the baby is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. Not your relationship with your chick.
2006-07-14 08:55:49 · answer #6 · answered by star23grace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart.. I don't' believe in staying in a unhappy relationship.! However, I also don't believe that you should abandon your children.. and although that is not what you are actually doing, that is what she will "feel" like you are doing. To be completely honest.. I am a woman, with children and I was devastated when I found out my man was cheating on me... but I knew he was unhappy, I knew we weren't making it work for each other.. and I was being selfish.. I used him to make my life more comfortable and in the end.... I used him as an excuse to our relationship falling apart... but in fact, the relationship had already ended.
I believe that should you talk to your girl and really let her know how you feel.. there is no reason for you to stay in a unhappy, unproductive relationship. Things will escalate... whether is is arguments, distrust, cheating... what have you! Shyt is going to hit the fan and it is better that you talk and reach an agreement here, that way you, her, nor the children get hurt.
pray on it sweetie!
2006-07-14 08:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine_Diva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice from a mother's heart is to be true to yourself. Having a child, does'nt mean that you have to stay with her or get married as long as you own up to your responsibilities which it seems like you've been doing- then you're fine. Don't marry her if you don't love her and you should'nt feel bad about it. Besides your babies are what comes first and they don't need an unhappy father. Good Luck!
2006-07-14 08:56:41 · answer #8 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not good for children to grow up in houses where parents don't love each other. Trust me I grew up in one. My parents should of gotten divorced years ago. Situations like that just put more stress on the kids.
If your not happy than you shouldn't be together. You both should move on. The kids are young enough now that it won't create a huge impact.
2006-07-14 08:55:15 · answer #9 · answered by meisa777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very complicated. What's done is done. You have children involved, so you need to stay and help with them. You really must think of the children first. They are little and can't fend for themselves, and your girlfriend will need your help. That's the practical and right thing to do. Pray about it, and the answer will come, but you have to be patient. Does she know you feel this way? Maybe you can both come to some agreement for the future.
2006-07-14 09:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by catarina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt be with her if you dont love her anymore. I dont know, but I think there is someone else right? Thats the reason why you "think" you dont love her anymore. Well, go ahead and leave, but you are going to realize later that you do miss her, and love her, and cant stand seeing her with another man. When she has given birth, and looks skinny and pretty again, and with someone new, you will start feeling it. But it will be too late, you messed up because you thought you liked someone else.
2006-07-14 09:17:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋