I've been with my mate for about three years at this point, but he has hurt me in the past. I've mostly gotten over these problems, as he has sworn to be a changed man. However, I find that I am not as kind to him as I used to be, and find myself being unreasonably angry sometimes. He is very special and I really want to try and save this relationship... I just am not sure how. Does anyone know what I could do?
2006-07-14 08:22:55 · 7 answers · asked by Saraid O'Bryan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Steps to Saving your Relationship
1. Acknowledge the Reasons for your Rocky Period. Most of the times, couples break up because they are having problems or feel they can no longer get along, but never really acknowledge what the true problem was. It is important that you both know what the root of your conflicts are so that you both see a clear picture of what is going on and where it all came from and why.
2. Be Rational, Reasonable & Calm. When a couple is experiencing conflicts and hard times, there all kinds of emotions flying around, which can cause one or both of you to act irrationally, and say or do things that will only worsen your already frustrating situation. Though it can be very challenging, it is essential that you make a real effort to stay calm and think rationally, as well as speak rationally. Your partner may be acting completely uncooperative, and that is exactly when you need to take charge of the situation and make sure that things do not get out of hand. Be patient and hear everything your partner has to say before you take your turn in speaking. Make sure you do not say things that you will regret later.
3. Use Space to your Relationship’s Advantage. If your rational, reasonable and calm approach does not work and you notice that the two of you are getting nowhere at the current time, then take some time apart. It may be hard for you to do and go through, but it really would be doing your relationship good. Many people get overly emotional when they are having problems with their lovers and want to work out their problem right away and do will not leave their partner alone until they do, but this id definitely the wrong way to go about it. The only thing that will happen is frustrating your partner more, making him or her feel more pressured and therefore pushing your relationship further back instead of forward. Take some time apart so that you both have the space to think on your own and set your emotions and thoughts in order.
4. Agree to Disagree. The next time you and your partner feel ready to attempt another rational discussion, be sure to agree to disagree first. It is important that you both remember that although you may be one as a couple, you are still both very much individuals with your own thoughts and beliefs about certain things. Make an agreement that being different does mean you both are incompatible, but what it does mean is that you are both unique in your own ways and will respect your differences and use those differences as a way to better your relationship instead of trying to change each other.
5. Find a Middle Ground. There are probably some things you would prefer your partner not do and vice versa, but the fact of the matter is, you cannot change your partner’s personalities or hobbies. What you must do is find a middle ground where you both feel more secure and comfortable with certain situations where you can both trust each other and feel that your relationship is safe from any damage or harm.
6. Work as a Team. Saving a Relationship and maintaining it requires effort from both of you, not just one of you. If your partner shows no interest or effort in making your relationship work, it would be best to leave him or her alone until he or she figures out just how important saving the relationship is. Sometimes the results will be painful for you and they will not want to have a relationship anymore. However, it could very well be that they realize how important sharing their life with you is, and will eventually come to you-ready to give full cooperation in mending your wounded relationship.
7. Patience is Key. Do not panic! Relationships are very fragile when they are going through a rocky period and cannot be repaired in a day. Do not feel afraid or depressed if things do not go at a pace of your expectation. There is no spell or psychic who can predict your future or make things better. The only thing that will give you real and honest results is time, patience and effort. If you truly want this to work out, then it will be worth the wait. Keep in mind that no matter what happens, you did your best and will survive regardless of what the ending results are.
8. Take it Slowly. Once you and your partner have smoothed things out, be sure to take things slowly. Rushing back into things can make your relationship an easy target to the same problems that caused your rockiness in the first place. Have a serious conversation together about what happened and work together on how you can prevent the same conflicts in the future and/or how you can handle it differently in the future if it does come to surface again. If the two of you agreed to stay together, then there is no need to rush. No of you is going anywhere.
2006-07-15 00:51:46 · answer #1 · answered by @ngёL♥PÏήK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 15:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by Misty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in the exact same position. The only way to change it is to act as if you cannot wait to see him and treat him as if you are not angry. It sounds funny, but after awhile, you actually start feeling that way. I don't know if you are a spiritual person, but I also prayed ALOT for help with this. It also helps to talk to him about your unresolved feelings, but there comes a time when the past is in the past and the only thing that can help you let go is time. Make yourself have fun with him, and maybe after awhile you will forget to be angry, and will find yourseld seeing him the way you used to. Good luck, and God bless.
2006-07-14 08:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by mynickname 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are probably just skeptical because of the past. If you know and see yourself being unreasonable, then step back and take control of your actions. Subconsciously you are acting out your skepticism, you will have to consciously change those actions, at least for awhile. Do you really believe him, that he has changed? Has he shown it? Most important, Do you really want the relationship to work? If your answer is yes to these questions, then try to make it work. If your answers to these questions is no, then move on.
2006-07-14 08:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by Fantasy Kel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound too sure about restoring the relationship after the breakup so it'd be safer and better for you both to go your own separate ways.
2006-07-14 08:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to find a way for yourself to not be so hateful, its hard in a relationship to find forgiveness and closer but if you really want to work on it try a therapist to get that anger out so instead of takin out on him you get it out somewhere else or like my husband and I we try to get anger out in the bed, not abusive no!! just the work out works wonders for ya,
2006-07-14 08:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by BRIAN J R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jump on his back and playfully bite him or something. If you knock him down, don't be embarrassed to play! It adds fun and and really bring you together. Works for me and my guy! It can also build up to something steamy...
2006-07-14 08:26:34 · answer #7 · answered by sam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF IT CANT BE FIXED DONT STRESS YOURSELF TRYING TO. IF HES NOT HAPPY AND YOUR NOT HAPPY THEN GO YOUR SEPERATE WAYS.
2006-07-14 08:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋