Ok my friend just got married in April and his wife is a total B****, everything was going fine until the wifes daughter moved backi into the house with her mother and of course she brought her 2 sons with her...That was fine with my friend because he would help his own daughters out too....but then he came home from work one day and the daughter had invited all kinds of kids around and hang out without my friends permission and he confronted the daughter and told her he did not appreiciate her doing whatever she wanted if she would have asked that would have been fine...she went off and the wife stuck her 2 cents in and took the daughters side and started bringing up his kids which really made him mad and now he is moving out and getting a divorce....he offered everything to her all he wants is his desk, tv, clothes and pictures. do you think he was wrong?
2006-07-14 07:15:54 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
is he wrong for telling the daughter to respect his house?
2006-07-14 07:17:00 · update #1
the daughter has moved in more than once and even brought boyfriends to stay with her while she had a 3 year old son to look after. so my friend always had to watch him
2006-07-14 07:23:40 · update #2
I don't think he was wrong, exactly, but all of this could have been handled a lot better by both him and his new wife. It's too bad that he and her are unwilling to go to counselling and try to get the blended family to work out.
Stepfamilies only work if both the husband and wife back each other up with the children (even the adult children). It sounds like there were a lot of conversations that he and his wife needed to have that just didn't happen.
Your friend's first mistake was trying to discipline his stepdaughter without first creating "rules of engagement" with his new wife. And also, there should have been very specific rules about kids having people over, and these should have been worked out BEFORE the daughter moved in with her mom bringing her 2 sons with her.
However, if the daughter is thinking this is her home, too, then she should be allowed to have kids over (I'm guessing they are friends of her boys?).
2006-07-14 07:23:42 · answer #1 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He was. That is something one can work out. He must remember if the wife had taken his side she would lose her daughter's trust forever. And from what you say the daughter seems to be a rebellious teenager. He should have tried to get his wife to directly confront the situation with it being her to confornt child not his. Cause face it, he ain't the girls father and she is probably pissed he is married to her mom instead of him. And her bringing up his kids was just below the belt arguement a thing that can be worked on. I think he should stay and fight for the marriage surely it can't be tha bad or you have left out much more about this story
2006-07-14 07:31:29 · answer #2 · answered by Kemo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh brother! He was only wrong for not kicking the daughter, wife, kids EVERYONE out of the house and changing the locks! He should just get away from all that BS and stay single! The wife is a biach and so is her daughter! They need to learn to have some respect! I'm proud of him for at least getting himself outa there!
2006-07-14 07:21:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very right. The wife is trying to stick up for her daughter which is like a mother taking care of her cub.
But she needs to do this only if the daugher is being wrongly accused. But it sounds like the daughter is in the wrong here big time. Maybe mom let her walk all over her when she lived at home before.
2006-07-14 07:24:11 · answer #4 · answered by B D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he's not wrong, but they should have had counseling before getting married, bringing kids from both sides in a marriage is tough on a married couple and often times don't know how to deal with it in the right ways. they get mixed up in when they should put the kids first and when they should put the marriage first. its a mess, but he was right in having the daughter respect the house. its just sad that they aren't willing to keep trying, they just give up like that!
2006-07-14 07:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by toni h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was wrong when he did not discuss the daughter's living at his house before he got married. Apart from love and romance marriage is a contractual deal with certain provisions to be fulfilled before tying the knot. Anyway, the dye is cast and the best thing he could do is get his clothes, t.v and pix and get the hell out to start a new life.
2006-07-14 07:25:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he is wrong at all. If the daughter is not going to respect him and the mother backs the daughter instead of him, then the marriage would have never lasted in the first place. No matter how hard it might be, when you marry someone he/she is the one who you are suppose to stand behind and support no matter what. Your children might get mad at you but they never stay mad long.
2006-07-14 07:22:31 · answer #7 · answered by todayillsee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blended families are a tragedy in the making most times...
No, he wasnt wrong. And the wife was wrong in taking her daughters side... (He wouldnt have said anytihng if his daughter was doing something that was not appropriate, I will bet!).
And to bring "his" kids into play, was a huge screw up by the wife... THEY ARE BOTH OF THIERS NOW...not his and hers!!
Thats what "blended means", both kids belong to both parents... and if there is division between them, then they will fail every time.
I think blended families should have counceling before they all "go together" in this venture...
That way, things can be worked out first, what is expected, and rules laid down...
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-07-14 07:21:52 · answer #8 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you get married its you and your spouse against the world, even if you have kids from a previous marriage.so she should have sided with her new hubby not her kids.i know your kids are suppose to be everything to you but you have to respect your hubby and his decisions, you have to make sure your the rules are set when your kids move in, thing change when a new person is moves in abut she should have let her daughrter know that look it is going to be this way and thats it, you ahve to listen to my new hubby and thats it, she shouldnt have taken her side.that was really wrong of her, i am glad he is moving out and moving on, if you cant be on the same side, what makes you thin they will be on the same side later on when they really need each other.
2006-07-14 07:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, but holy cow! They just got married! If something as little as this is enough cause for divorce, they should not have been married! Marriage takes work, especially marriages of blended families. I think they should see a counselor or something. Sounds like something that can be talked over and fixed.
2006-07-14 07:19:50 · answer #10 · answered by happymommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋