What do i do now??

Question

My botfriend walked out on me and our son who has learning difficulties 2 and a half weeks ago,At first i wanted to hurt him and not let him see our son,but this morning he emailed me and i decided to change my mind.He hasn`t seen our son since last friday,and sent me the odd text which is making me now think he is seeing someone else,he is moving into a flat not that far away but anyway i told him that i think he is with someone else and that if she is telling him when to see our son then he shouldn`t let her.i sent him a very civil email saying he could come up either tonight after his work or tomorrow whatever suits him,he says he`s working tomorrow although it`s his day off,he says he`s doing overtime but he only works till 1pm anyway,so i said he could come up then.I told him i`m trying my best to do whats right for our son although it`s killing me and asked him to put our son first for the first time in his life.He asked if he could visit next friday on his day off,wot do i do??

I feel as though he isnt interested in our son at the moment at all,i couldnt go 2 weeks without seeing my child,how could he,he obviously has some1 or something on his mind.He could have spared an hour surely,our son is almost four and i want him to know his daddy,but i`ve more or less given my ex an ultimatum come up tomorrow or dont come up at all,am i being unreasonable here??

My ex didnt put me or my son first when we were together he would stay out nights at a time drinking not answer his phone or send me a text,it looks like he`s doing the same now.

Answer 1

Your break up is very new, and you are feeling emotionally drained, exhausted by the break up and possibly fear of the future. It seems like neither of you know what to do for the best, maybe you are concentrating on your child, when actually, what your son needs is you, calm and beginning to come to terms with the situation. You can't make him respond, and no doubt he has an equal part to play in making an effort for your son. I wonder if you made it clear to him, that, you want him to arrange regular visits, ask him what would be best so that your son is not let down, then compromise from there, remembering that, as time goes by, you will have things to do and committments to keep. If he is settling with someone new, remember, there is nothing you can do about that, but, he needs to know, that anyone involved in decisions affecting your child, must be a reliable person, and not one who is scoring points at the expense of a child. You can go forward from here, find some support, friends, family, try to avoid negative comments about him in front of your son. Make it clear to everyone that you want this father's relationship with his son upheld, and not detroyed by emotional blackmail. In any case, you sound like such a lovely Mum, whichever way things go, your child will always have you. The best gift your son can ever hope to have - is you! This bit is a rocky bit, see it through, things, given time and space, sometimes seem a little brighter. good luck.

Answer 2

If he has not hurt your son in any way, YOU SHOULD NOT KEEP YOUR SON AWAY FROM HIS FATHER. This is not about the child. It is between you and him. It doesn't matter if he's seeing someone else. That has NOTHING to do with it. This sound like another case of putting a child in the middle of a break up and that angers me. I went through a divorce with a 2 year old over 20 years ago -- it was bitter at first yet NEVER DID I DENY MY SON'S FATHER THE RIGHT TO SEE HIM (and when it was good for all parties - he saw him more than divorce papers ordered). You need to think about this child - not the fact that you were hurt. You are the grown up here.

Answer 3

I really feel for you..I have 2 sons and my ex-husband really doesn't give a hoot about them, but even though my divorce was accrimonious, he has never been able to say I stopped him seeing his sons, and in time children pick up on who really cares, and if you give him the opportunities to see his boy, then you are doing all you can to help him foster a relationship with him. If he chooses to put someone else first, in the long term he will lose out. Good Luck with the future and put the dead beat out with the junk, but let him ruin his own relationship with his son, he will only live to regret it. Regarding seeing him on his day off, insist on the meeting being on neutral ground, don't give him an inch into your home, show HIM who's boss and has control.

Answer 4

Let him see your son, its important for your child to have a relationship with his dad (if he is a good dad that doesnt misstreat him) I would say ok to next friday but tell him you guys will work out a set schedule so it will be a normal rutine for you son. You dont want your ex to come see him when it pleases him, it has to be a regular visit not whenever! Good luck and try to not show your son how much you dont like his dad right now (I know its hard) Take care

Answer 5

Maybe his subconcious is telling him he's a failure for producing a son that's got learning difficulties. I say help him expell this demon and then give him the freedom to learn love his son. He may also feel that you are using your son to bring him back into your life. I know this is not true, but the ultimatum(that you don't have to stick to) will help him realise this. Let him know that you're ok with him moving on and that you just want your son to know his father.

Answer 6

See a solicitor to find out where you stand with this. Visits to your son should be agreeable to BOTH of you, not just at his beck and call. If he is now with somebody else, thats up to him now he has left, and theres no reason why you should not do the same. and move on with somebody new. What you must not do it let this man walk all over you and order you about. He is the "guilty" party here, sweetheart, not you, so dont feel guilty because of him; he isnt worth it!! You call the shots now, and dont you forget that!!!

Answer 7

Don't deny him the right to see his child. You know that your child needs the love and attention of Both Parents, so don't keep it from happening. Also, he should be able to take the child to his place and not be required to stay at your place to see him. It seems that if you want him to only see the boy at your place, then you are more about getting interaction with your ex than you are into letting him interact with his son. Good Luck

Answer 8

You don't say how old your son is, the fact that he has learning disabilities may make the break up harder for him, he must be wondering what is going on in that he has not seen his father.

If your son is old enough, ask him what he is thinking and feeling, you and your ex are adults and responsible for yourself, but you both have a responsibility to your son.

Good luck.

Answer 9

First of all, do not deny your son his father or the other way around.

If his reason for leaving you is your son, then it only means that he could not accept the fact that he could produce such an offspring.

It is not your fault.

What you can do is seek child support and then find someone else who can accept the situation you are in.

Respect yourself.

Answer 10

Be the better person. As long as it is not too inconvenient let him see his son whenever he wants.
If he is with someone else, f**k him. You're better off without him anyway and he'll most likely do it to her too.
Easier said than done but try not to let things get too nasty. Be strong for your little boy.