last mth my wife say she wan a divorce, she know a guy online n went out with him over night. now she wan to came back to me....... we have 2 kids. what should i do........ forget abot what she have done or forget abot the marriage???? pls help ........ for me, my heart is 3/4 dead.....
what can i do or what i should do...........
2006-07-14 05:21:46 · 43 answers · asked by Andy Heckmen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, here is the deal as I see it...
If you are not sure how you feel, then you can't just take her back and try to pretend that nothing happened. You probably won't be able to trust or forgiver her and you'll end up with that divorce anyway. Here is the important thing to consider, she left you for another man (aka cheated)... and if you can prove this, it lessens your responsibility for alimony, giving up the house, giving her custody of the 2 kids (all those bad things that come with diverse) If you forgive her and let her move back in and in a year or so finally only THEN it comes to diverse anyway, then it's 50/50 split.
If you really love her and think you can forgive her, then take her back. Personally if I really loved the person, I would still wait a while before I told them how I felt or let them move back in. Anything good is worth waiting for.
2006-07-14 05:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by linetap 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The "Big" question is "why"? Why did your wife stray this far from your arms? Sit down with her and ask. Let her open her heart to you. Listen carefully! She has made a huge mistake that has the potential of ending a marriage. Your family is worth the effort of exploring why your marriage is in this kind of trouble.
This is a hard one. 1 run-away wife + your 3/4 dead heart + 2 precious "kiddies" = Take some time, go to a Marriage/Family Counselor, perhaps this marriage can still be saved.
Forgiveness goes a long way. Consider your own mistakes. Does she know about them? I'm not pointing the finger at you but trying to help you understand that there can be mistakes, sins, failures all over the place that may add into this equation. Your making the effort and taking the time to explore fully the "why" of this failure could pay huge dividends for years to come in her life, your life and the children.
This failure is the failure of two people, not one! It will take two people committed to repair and restore this marriage. Problems, failures, sufferings can either ruin us or make us better people; stronger, more compassionate, wiser.
Go for it! I wish you well and God-speed!
2006-07-14 05:51:08 · answer #2 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't sound like a very good wife, or a very good mother, if she would leave you and her children to spend the night with some stranger she met online. You'd be better off filing for divorce, seeking custody of your kids, and building a life for your children that is stable and "normal". A woman who would behave the way you have described is not going to provide consistency or stability for your children. She wants to come back now, but that's because things didn't work out with this particular guy. Next week, she'll meet some new stranger on the internet and she'll be off again. What example does that set for the kids? And what kind of life is that for you?
Let this one go, and after you've fully healed, find someone who loves and respects you.
2006-07-14 05:28:06 · answer #3 · answered by zartsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter your choice you have to think about you and your children. What is best for you and them? You will never forget about what she has done. The real question here is DO you still love your wife? I know she has lost complete trust in you and the family, but if you love her I'd bring her back in to hold the family together. But on the other side if you really still love her but just don't want to put up with it then go through with the divorce. She may change and she may not. Now is the time you have to listen to your heart.
2006-07-14 05:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by lillady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out what was missing from your marriage before you even think about taking her back. For some reason she felt like she needed to get out. You need to ask yourself what would keep her from doing it again? If she walked out on you & 2 kids she must be real unhappy for some reason. Maybe your never home or maybe she just felt unloved at the time. I dont know but please try and find a way to fix the damage that has been done even if you don't take her back, but most of all make sure the kids know it had nothing to do with them. Good Luck
2006-07-14 05:33:13 · answer #5 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never forget it - the real issue is can you FORGIVE it? The grass was obviously not greener on the other side. Is she returning because she really wants to or did the guy not want her?If your marriage is strong - you can probably work through it with help. If not - it will be a matter of time before she does it again. Once someone decides to stray - you cannot build a fence high enough to keep them at home. I am sorry for your pain.
2006-07-14 05:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have some very serious issues.
If she went on line, and then slept with him, clearly she is very unhappy.
I assume even before she cheated you were equally unhappy.
You have 2 kids and a history. You can't throw it all out and cruelly hurt the kids because of one nite.
On the other hand, even if you take her back, you will all still be in an unhappy/unhealthy relationship.
The only solution: You must both immediately get into counseling -- jointly and separately. This way, somebody objective can help you all make the best decisions.
2006-07-14 05:28:51 · answer #7 · answered by profdave99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question has no easy answer... I would have to say "No" if there were no children involved.. But in your case you have two kids who do not know what is going on between their parents.. If you get a divorce, it will most definitely be traumatic for your children..
Family courts witness the most fierce custodial battles between warring parents who want to portray the other parent as incompetent in any way possible.. Trust me, you do not want to bring up your kids that way..
But some relationships do not work out and spouses do have to get separated.. If you can find it in your heart to forgive your wife just this once, that would be in everyones interests.. Spare a thought for your kids and ask yourself what would be best for them... Then you will find your answer.. Life is all about compromises... Your love for your kids should get you through this dilemma..
All the best....
2006-07-14 05:34:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that maybe she just go bored with her life and maybe got depressed and just wanted to go out on her own (which she prolly hasent done in a long time) and just be free, with no responsibilities just for stress relief, if she was a good wife and mother before all of this then she was just confused and most likely, tired. you should forgive her and see what was going on in her head to make he want to do that and dont yell at her and hold it over her, people react very differently when they have a lot on their plate. She also could have felt like she was getting no attention from anyone and that would be why she went to see someone else, she must have felt like she needed to do something drastic to get your attention, are you a busy guy?work?school? kids? you are married and marrige vows say better or worse, this was just her worst and im sure she has or will deal with your worse too.. dont be like the rest of the world just giving up and getting divorced, be strong for yourself, your kids, and mostly her, and work through this as a FAMILY! because thats whats most important... let me know if you need to talk, i did this same thing to my boyfriend and he handled it perfectly and i am still thanking him to this day for loving me and being with me...
2006-07-14 05:37:16 · answer #9 · answered by tADA! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is really emotional time for you
so my heart goes with you.
Beore doing anything permanent (like divorce),
first set a time when the two of you can talk.
Ask her why she did what she did.
Let her know she broke your trust.
Tell her exactly how you feel
and exactly what it would take for her to do
(both now and for the rest of her life)
if she wants any chance of you two getting back together.
If things don't work out after you've given one last chance,
then kick her out and have no regrets.
You already did everything you could
and she chose her own fate.
Good luck!
2006-07-14 05:29:17 · answer #10 · answered by divalicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋