I am considering a separation eventually divorce. Help!?

Question

My husband (of which we were married for 2.5 years) is just mean to me and my son. He says he'll never change but wants to do counseling. He gets in my son's face (19 mos) when he makes a mess or when my son "acts annoying". He also calls my son a moron and that he's stupid. Plus, when my husband gets mad at me, he calls me names, and he's called me a c*** but says he doesn't remember. He has an anger problem but says it's just the way he is and he can't change and for me to just live with it. Also, he says he treats our son the way he does because he was treated that way when he was growing up and why should he treat his kid any different. He grew up where his parents fought all the time and physically abused each other. I'm just scared.... Hope someone could give me a mental kick in the head so I'll get the balls to do something.

Answer 1

I am the future! You have 24 hours to make this decision. If you don't leave now, something will be done that can never be undone. You will have to live with this all the rest of your life, because you, for some reason, actually believe you don't deserve any better. Look into your sons eyes. Does he deserve better? Children are a gift from God, and the mental and verbal abuse that is happening as we speak, will eventually elevate to physical abuse. You have the chance now to change history for your son and his son, and so on and so on. Its just one step at a time, and the most powerful force in the universe will see you threw this, but you have to make the right choice.

Answer 2

You should seek professional help before things get worse, either that or get out of the relationship. If his parents physically abused each other, and he treats your son the way he does because that's how he was treated, what's to stop him from hitting you?

Do you really want to put your son through an entire life with that man? A father should not degrade his son, but encourage and love him. I hope you can figure things out without anything drastic happening.

Answer 3

abuse is a vicious cycle. He convienently forgets, it's obvios he has self esteem problems so he uses that on you and your son. It took me seven years to get the courage to kick my ex out. I left him on a number of occasions but he always apologized, promised to get help etc so I went back. His upbringing is no excuse to treat you and your son that way. I was worried about divorce harming my children...Well it was the best thing I ever did for them and my daughter remembers and tells me all the time. I was scared alot and I tiook his abuse and would lie there and cry about it. Then one day when he was verbally and emotionally assaulting me I stood up and looked him in the eye (knowing full well he may hit me) And reversed his abuse! I called him everything he called me! I called him a tiny man who has to bring down a woman and a child because he can't do it to other men. I took every word he said to me and called him that! I thought he would hit me but I think he was just too shocked. (I am a christian and often used that against him as well) I threatened to call his parents and ask them if, since that is what they did to him, Do they think it was alright for him to fo it to me. (I wonder why that scared him so bad?) Now next time this happens, make sure your phone is somewhere safe from him and no matter how insignificant you think the violence his, trust me it is worse. Call the cops. You will need the reports for your sons sake. I would have had a hard time proving it, except the cops had come out once to our home. (Thanks to my brothers call) you call and don't think it's not enough. One scratch was all I had that day. The cops have lists of places you can go, just stop by and ask. He won't find you. Get rid of him before you son ends up like him.

Answer 4

Yeah your son will grow up just like him and treat you the same way as soon as he is old enough. Picture your son in your face calling you a c***. That should be all the motivation you need. Seriously your husband obviously doesn't think his behavior is a problem so he won't change. Counseling won't help him if he doesn't want it to. Cut your losses now before your son is old enough to pick up those habits.

Answer 5

Get out of that house. Eventually your husband will start treating your son worse and worse. Even if your husband gets 50% custody, at least half the time you can show your son what a normal household looks like. If your husband really wants to stay together then tell him that the ONLY, ONLY, ONLY way is if he gets some counseling. No ifs, ands, or buts, that is the only way you should stay in that household. I grew up in a household like that and I still don't talk to either of my parents.

Answer 6

Here is your KICK...and here are another set of BALLS to take some action NOW before you or your son get hurt! That man is just waiting to explode. You either need to get some serious counseling or leave the s.o.b. You want to be abused? Your letting this man abuse your son, as it is! What the hell is wrong with you, woman???? You can't possibly be that desperate to allow someone to treat your child like this!!! MOVE OUT NOW!!! This will not get better.

Answer 7

Your first concern and responsibility should be your child, then yourself! If your husband does not seek professional help on his own, then you have no alternative. You must realize that you were not created nor was marriage established for your spouse to abuse your and your child.

There have been a number of people reared in abusive homes, however they have become productive citizens and loving parents without being abusers.

At some point he is going to become overly abusive (if there is such a thing) and harm your small child as well as yourself from which you may not recover.

If your child is constantly exposed to this type of abuse, what type of a future does this hold for him?

I'm praying for you and may God give you wisdom and guidance. Take care!

Answer 8

Well, you obviously decided it was more important to find out how your "boyfriend" was sexually, than to spend some time to find out what he was going to be like as a man. Now your child is the victim.

I imagine your husband feels as if you trapped him. He's angry at you and himself, but it comes out onto the baby. Both of you need to get some counseling. The man is going to be in your life for the rest of you child's life. I think both of you need counseling and a few years to "grow up."

I don't think it's "balls" you need. I think it's some common sense. You're married. You have a child. You have a husband. Now, what you need is to grow up. I just wish you could have done that before you decided to make sex your top relationship priority.

Answer 9

Run - don't walk to the nearest lawyer. His treatment of your child is inexcusable. It will only escalate. It is your job as his mother to protect him at all costs. No woman deserves to be treated this way. I would not separate - go straight for divorce. I say that because you mention he has said he can never change - nor apparently does he want to. Separating will just give him more time to play with your emotions. He will do the "I miss you - I'll change. please let me come home" routine ( which you are likely to fall for) and you will have wasted months of time and countless weeks of emotional stress playing these games with him. In the end you will divorce anyway. please be strong for the sake of your child. All it takes is one temper tantrum on the part of your husband - maybe grabbing and shaking the baby to have tragic consequences. Sadly, it happens all the time.

Answer 10

Ok, here is your kick in the head. If you don't divorce and get your child away from him, your child will grow up to be just like him. You deserve better for your life and your child's life. We all are capable of change unless we don't want to change. I don't think your husband wants to change. I think he has been looking forward to getting this life so he can behave this way and exploit his feelings that he has developed regarding his past over the years. He says he isn't going to change so you are the only one that has the power to make a change, and that change is divorce. If you don't divorce him he will eventually tear you and your child down to where neither of you feels worth anything and are just as angry and sad as he is.