Husband's Opinion about my weight vs. My Opinion?

Question

I consider myself to be a larger person. I'm not talking obese, etc, just that I have several pounds I could stand to loose and still be nice and healthy. However, I've always been curvy (very large breasted, etc) ever since I was a very young teenager. My husband absolutely loves the way that I look, but I think that I need to loose some weight because I'm afraid that 1) when we have kids, I won't be in good enough shape to keep up with their fast pace and 2) I fear that other people are always judging me for being overweight. My problem is that when I mention that I am losing a few pounds, or he notices my clothes fitting looser (this happens just because my weight naturall fluctuates so much), he gets very sad. How do you think that I can be attractive for my husband, and still be attractive for myself?

To make it easier for you, I'll clairify a bit. I am not so overweight that I can't do normal day to day activities. I can walk for extended periods of time, I can spend all day outside walking around an amusement park, swimming, hiking, etc. Of course, I'm pooped at the end of the day, but I don't think that's too unusual. I do think that I get out of breath more easily than I should, and I think that I get tired more quickly and need more breaks, though. Maybe it's an issue of being out of shape rather than being overweight? I know he will love me no matter what I look like and he won't be worried about me as long as I'm healthy. I just want to be the best I can be for both him and myself.

Answer 1

Listen Hon, I too am a somewhat larger curvy woman. I am older than you, my children are grown. I lost my first husband when my children were only half grown and I finished raising them myself. I am now engaged to be married to another wonderful man. Both my first husband and my current fiance love my body and find it VERY attractive. I feel I could not only stand to lose a few pounds but could use a tummy tuck to get rid of some of what I consider a too large tummy area from having children. I am well porportianed and I know this. I look very good in my cloths and I get a lot of attention in looks and such from other men. Not that I am looking. My fiance says I am not even fully aware of just how many men look at me and woman as well. NO I don't see women look at me but I do know an attractive woman when I see one, and NO I am not gay. You don't have to be gay to see that somebody is attractive.

Listen, I strongly advise you take your husands assessment of your attractivenss for him very seriously. I think he is being very honest and will find you attractive even if you gain more weight you have trouble getting rid of for a while after a pregnancy. I had more weight than I do now for several years following my child birth years and my the look in my first husbands eyes when he looked at me never changed, nor did he ever say I needed to lose weight. He was one of those rare men who love their woman regardless of their size and honestly find woman with real curves and a full figured body extreamly attractive. He did not find the bodies of young girls attractive. You know, the bodies which you can instantly tell are young girls as they have these flat bellies and bodies which have never had any hardships of weight fluctuation of a full figuared woman. My current fiance says he sees that young girls are pretty and that they have nice firm bodies, but he does not find their bodies sexually arousing, as it would be like having sex with one of his daughters. I agree. I look at the friends of my ninteen year old son, some who are in their early twenties and who, along with friends of my twentyone year old daughter asked if they could date me!! No kidding! It was a nice compliment, but I don't do babies. Well, thirty five is NOT a baby, but it is still too young for me at fourty two. Yes, my children have friends of all ages.

Look, be happy your husband is one of those rare men who finds the entire package of who you are attractive. He is one of those individuals who knows that it is what is inside which is most important than the outside package. Be happy he also finds that ourside package sexually attractive. He knows that one day he and you both will not have your looks any longer and that he will still find you attractive when you are old, grey, wrinkled, and needing a walker to get around.

If you are really concerned about your health then lose a few pounds. But don't do it just because you feel bad about how strangers look at you. You may not realize most are looking because they find you attractive, NOT because they think you are obese. You said you are not obese, so consider thiese people are looking because they think you attractive, not unattractive. Plus, isn't it really what you and your husband think, not what strangers think. What place do these strangers have in your life? None what so ever. You see them for a moment or two over the course of your day then you are likely to never see them again. Unless you live in a very small town or community in which you are very active in certain community activities. Even then though, these people are not your family, or even close friends. They would be aquantances at best and as such have little influance or impact in your life. If you have friend and family who get on you about your weight, then you would need to discuss this with them and let them know your doctors says you are healthy, your husband is fine with your weight, and while you appreciate their love and concern, you have everything under control.

It sounds to me like you are having self esteem problems and may not be very accurate in your own assessment of your body and its attractiveness. This is very normal amoung woman, especially with movie actors and models needing to be anorexic to get parts and gigs now. They have to be skinnier and skinnier to get work in these fields and are starving themselves into bad health in order to do so. It is very sad, and gives our youth the wrong idea of what is a "normal" body size for women. There is not a "normal" body size for women or for men. We are all very different and there is nothing wrong with our differences unless we are unhealthy. If we are unheallthy then we need to take some type of action to bring us back to good health.

Listen, Maralyn Monroe was always between the sizes twelve and sixteen during her career as an actor. She was a sex symbol for millions back in her day. She was considered the "blond bomb shell". He body type was the norm for health and beauty, and in my opinion that type is still extreamly normal and healthy. It is OK if a woman is natuarlaly small. It is natural for a woman who is a size two or four and weighs only 110 pounds and is only five feet one or two inches and has a very fine bone structure. It is not OK for a woman who is five foot seven or eight to weight 110, and has a medium bone structure. She would be vastly unhealthy, anorexic. A woman that tall with that bone structure should weigh between 150-165 lbs. The charts are very wrong these days. It says I, at five foot eight and one half and a medium bone structure should weigh between 13o-150llbs. At 150 I wear a size six pants and am just so skinny I can't stand my own boney a.s.s.!!! ;-) No, I am best at about 160 lbs. That is what my own optimum weight should be, in my own mature opinion, and my last two docs agree with me. I currently weigh 168-173lbs. I fluctuate five pounds from water retention every month. My fiance did not even notice when I gained fifteen pounds shortly after we met and fell in love, nor did he notice when I lost it and got back down to my normal weight. I gained the weight because I eat much more regular meals now we are together. For several years I would eat sporadically. So, he finds me attractive not just because of my outside package but because of my inside package which consists of my heart and soul.

I love his inside packange too. I do not care he is going bald, nor that is stomic is not a six pack abs. I do not care that he is two and a quarter inches shorter than I. do not care that I put my arm around HIS shoulder and he puts his arm around MY waist, instead of the opposite when a man is taller than the woman. It means nothing to me. Well, actually it does, as I have a physical disability due to a car accident and him putting his arm around my waist when we walk helps support me if and when my leg suddenly gives out on me or I get dizzy from over being over heated in 115 degree heat where we live. LOL

No, be happy and grateful that your husband loves the whole you and not just your body. I think he gets "sad" because you are not seeing yourself clearly and he is concerned for your self esteem. I hear of woman who have men who are constantly putting them down for not being the wieght the husband would like them to be. It is too sad when a man or a woman puts more importance on the outside package than the entire package which includes the heart and soul of an individual. Your husband finds your attractive from the inside out. Not just the oustside, nor the outside in. Women need to learn if the men they are getting with put too much empathis on the outside and not enought on the inside. A person who is beautiful on the inside increases her attractiveness on the outside. A normal somewhat plain woman will be beautifull to her man who sees the beauty in her soul. If he is not looking at her soul and finding it attractive then she should not be with that man. Men like that will leave a woman in later years after she is "used up" from having his children and putting in all the hard work of raising them and taking care of him and their home. Men like these are the ones who "trade in" their wifes for younger, firmer, "better looking" models. They will not stay with any woman who is aging normally.

When I was feeling insecure due to what my pregnancys and breast feeding had done to my body, I would turn to my husband for reasurance. He would tell me "How could I NOT find you attractive? You bore my children, are the mother of my children, your body is like it is due to your giving me my chidren, you are the woman who loves and respects and honors me. How could I NOT find you the most beautifull woman in the world?" He was a fine man and a fine husband and a wonderful father to our children. Our loss when he died was immense, and I never thought to find another man who would love me as he did. I stayed single while I finished raising our children, plus four more children, and two others. Yep, I raised a total of eight chldren, plus took care of an older friend who lived with me up to her death. After my responsibilities to any children were done, well, when they all where on their own, living adult lives of their own, I met and fell in love with my finace. I was not looking for a man. He just found me and we fell in love. He too loves me as my first husband did. He too loves the entire me and not just the outside of me. I have no fear he will "trade me in". We will grow old together.

If you are worried about your health, then fine begin an exercise program and work on your health. I do not think having some weight on you is going to slow you down with your children. It did not do so with me. In fact it helped me lose some of my weight when they were old enough to begin running me ragged!! LOL
Be grateful and believe your husband when he tells you how attractive you are to him. Take his needs into consideration in regards to your looks. After all, he looks at you a lot more than you look at yourself. It matters what he thinks as he is your husbnad. Stop worrying about what strangers or aquantances think of you. Start wondering if they are looking because they think you attractive too. You may be projecting your own ideas onto these people who are looking at you and not seeing the real looks. I know I went years thinking the same until one day I realized just how wrong I was.

Let yourself be happy and stop worrying so much. I bet you are very attractive and just are experiancing the fears the movie actors and magazine and clothing models are putting into our hearts and souls because they are asked to be so unhealthy in their weights. They are the unhealthy ones, not you. When I weight 200 lbs I worked out six days a week on the stair master and weights an hour and a half each day. I was extreamly healthy. It has been five years since my accident took my abilty to exersice away and my resting heart rate is still at 158. I was once at 145. People who do not exercize on a regular basis have resting heart rates around 170-180. So, my exercizing for twenty years has kept me healthy years after I was unable to exercise as I once was able to do.

Be happy. Begin considering that it is your lower self image that is driving this insecurity and that you are not really seeing an accurate reflection from those who look at you. I think most find you attractive, not unattractive. Be happy that your husband is one of those good and intelligent men who know what matters most is what is one the inside. The outside will grow old, the inside will only grow more beautiful as you nurture yourself, grow in maturity and wisdom.

Be happy and allow yourself some personal care and attention. Stop looking for negitive feedback and start seeing the worlds reaction in the positive light instead of a negitive light. You will be able to keep up with your children, trust me on that. You are young and strong, and healthy and you will be just fine.

Good luck and much happiness always.

Answer 2

I have a question for you; are you so overweight that it makes it hard for you to do normal, everyday activities? Normally I would say to just be happy the way you are, especially if your husband accepts you and loves you that way (and in fact, wants you that way! how great is that?). But if it is getting in the way of your ability to be physically active then it is a concern, especially if you want to keep up with children as you say. My advice in this case would be not to diet but rather to exercise; you may not lose weight, or very little weight, this way, but you will gain more mobility and energy. Start out slow with walks or swimming or easy bicycle rides, and work your way up to more. And keep eating whatever you already are to keep that luscious figure.
I need to digress a little here, though, and say that when you are in a committed relationship with someone, you have both made a promise to love each other no matter what. So if your husband can't love you after you've lost weight then you both need to put some serious consideration into your relationship.

Answer 3

It depends on your location as if you live somewhere less associated with horses, you may have a smaller range of breeds available. Something between 15hh-16hh would probably suit you best, even an aged (though not too old) school master etc for you to get back into. Feeding and shoeing really depend on the horse and what you'll be doing with it. A Welsh Cob, Connemara or even an unraced (well-educated) Thoroughbred may suit you, just judge on the horse than the breed. Being picky when it comes to horse buying is a good thing, don't apologise. In the long run, this will probably benefit you as you won't take on something dangerous or more than you can handle. Hope it helps and good luck. (:

Answer 4

soemtimes people will try to sabotage another's efforts to lose weight or exercise because they fee that you will then look for someone else. Go ahead and lost the weight you want. Let him know you love him and just want to be as healthy as possible so that you two can be together longer. Do it for yourself.

If you get pregnant it will make it easier for you to stay at a manageable weight because you will probably gain some extra weight while pregnant.

Just make him feel secure, and don't deny yourself feeling your best. good luck

Answer 5

Let him know that although you understand he likes the way you look, you need to be healthy first. Let him know that you don't feel healthy and when you get to your desired weight, you will be much happier and healthier. And to really rub it in "don't you want me to live a long life?"
Also, you are right in needing to be at a healthy weight BEFORE you have children. So you can tell him that you want to lose weight for this reason also.
Good luck, you need to do what is right for you.

Answer 6

If you are not comfortable with the way you look, you should change to what you want to be. Try to explain to your husband that in order for you to have a healthy relationship, you need to feel good about yourself. Try and find ways you both can have fun while loosing the weight, maybe he wont notice as much, I suggest any kind of physical activity both you and your husband are interested in such as biking, playing sports, hiking, or even walking.

Answer 7

Your opinion is the only one that matters. You'll never be able to lose weight and keep it off if you are doing it for someone else. And if you are happy the way you are then good for you. You only live once, might as well enjoy it!

Answer 8

You have a very lucky husband that he loves you for who you are, curves and all. A lot of men are attracted to those feminine curves that we sometimes dont like. If you want to feel better about yourself I would recommend some cardio excercise and eat healthier. That way both of you will be happy. And, just tell your husband that you are doing it so you can change your life style to a healthier one and since you know that he loves you, he will accept you the way you are. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think if you want to start living an active/healthy lifestyle, you're making positive steps for your own well-being. Dieting is NOT the way to go, but your husband should be happy that you want to be more healthy! I think he would have to be very selfish not to want you to be in good health. Try to encourage him to join you in this.

Answer 10

Love yourself enough to accept yourself the way you are. Look at yourself through your husband's eyes. We American women have such warped views of what our bodies have to look like to be beautiful, and we need to learn to love ourselves. Be healthy, be happy, and dont obsess about the rest.

Answer 11

walk your dog