My fiancé jumps to conclusions thinking things are worse then they really are. What can I do?

Question

I love my fiancé to death. However there’s a challenge I’m trying to deal with. That is, if I do or say something that concerns her she will assume things to be much worse then they really are. She will also think what I did that concerned her to be something that I will always do for now on. For example if I miss her phone call she will think I never answer her calls. Or one time I spent time with my guy friends one night, and she thought I am deciding to see her less and not see her on her anniversary. I definitely wasn’t thinking that. She is not being controlling; she is simply assuming things to be bad or worse then they really are (she jumps to conclusions.) This gets aggravating. As a trait of this, she takes things very personally; as a result, I can’t joke with her. What could I do about this? I would greatly appreciate any help or info. Thank you!

Answer 1

Well first, I wouldn't jump to your own conclusions about yourself. A lot of times people tell themselves that they must be doing something wrong in order for this behavior to manifest in the other person. Obviously I only have your view of the situation, but it sounds reasonable. It sounds like she is insecure. Everything else stems from that. I know that not everyone does things in the same way, but here's my opinion.

You need to communicate to her that you love her dearly and that she needs to stop reading into every little thing. I know that's obvious, but you need to lay it out and discuss why she does that. She could be acting this way due to the influence of any number of things: previous guy cheated or treated her badly, felt unloved or was abused while growing up, or simply has a low self-esteem. While you can't change her past if she has one, you can do your best to understand and work with her. She will have to meet you halfway of course.

If she refuses to talk about it or gives a lame made up answer, then you need to consider how this will affect your relationship after you're married. Things don't magically change.

Answer 2

Communication is the most important piece of your relationship. So, you are going to start mastering this tool, even before you are married.

Talk, Talk, Talk to your fiance'!!!!! You two are going to be communicating the rest of your lives. Be open with her. Listen to her thoughts and then share your own. You cannot change her thought process but you can help her to understand you and your ways by communicating with her. Continue to assure and reassure her when situations arise.

She has experienced some things in her past that makes her an "extreme thinker". (never, always etc) She will learn more about you as time goes by.

Be patient. Be loving. Be kind. Be sensitive. Be gentle.

Answer 3

Try this, tell her you think you both need time apart so that you can think things through. Let her know how she's acting, be honest. Reassure her she's the one for you there's just some things that are bothering you about her attitude. You don't need the drama! If she's the one for you, she'll realize she's hurting you and want to change that. Because believe me, if you don't change this now and get married, sorry to say but you just might end up getting divorced. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 4

ugh, she sounds like a world of fun.
well, you can't change peoples personalities unfortuently, and
I if I were you I wouldn't want to change my personality just for her
because you sounds like an alright guy. She's aparently a little
melo-dramatic. I think you might just have to be sensitive to her
for a little while, maybe cool off on the jokes and stuff and tell her
that you're willing to be more sensitive, but she has to recognise
that you are trying to cater to her amd slowley but surely gradually
go back to your regular self, like hopefully overtime she will finally
relax and see that youre not going to just find some other girl and runaway, also remind her that this type of behavior WILL ultimitly
drive you away and shes all apart of this self fullfilling prophecy.

was she like this before you got engaged? hmmmmm.

Answer 5

This is known as passive-aggressiveness and it is a way of controlling you.

It is at this time of the relationship, when pressures to get married are building, that you see the person's true character.

If you are willing to live with it, then do nothing, as you will NEVER be able to change her.

If you feel that this is way more than you have bargained for, NOW is the time to break it off and walk away.

This is as good as it will ever get.

Answer 6

Gee - your chick really has some problem. First of all, she does not trust you, but trust is the basis for any relationship.
Second of all, she does not seem to be able to spend time by herself or with her own friends. She expects you to master her life, to enrich it.

She first has to learn to be an independent person, she has to find friends of her own, an own job, own hobbies.

Sorry dude - you seem to be a really nice guy, but your missus is some mad cow. Don´t marry her! You spoil your life forever.

Answer 7

How can you love this extremist? Being constantly accused of things because she is insecure and has a low self esteem? Get out now. No one should be subjected to this CRAP!

Answer 8

She is actually controlling you. You just can't see it.
You are her emotional hostage.

See a marriage counselor before you say 'I do'.
You will regret it otherwise.
She can change.....easily....with a bit of help....and you'll be able to understand where she's been coming from. Sounds like she's very insecure....but she IS holding you hostage. Think about it.

Answer 9

Look at her parents. She is evidently accustomed to being betrayed and let down. She could probably benefit from counseling. A life-long pessimist is hard to retrain.

Answer 10

You need to be extremely clear in your communication with her - sounds as though she is really not trusting of you, and you need to discover whether there is any basis for this on your part. Maybe your styles just aren't suited to one another...