my son-in-law of just a few months is going to be going on his first of many boat debts(navy) in a couple of months and my daughter is having a really rough time of handling the whole idea of him being gone.she's had time to get used to this but it still bothers her. she and i have always been best-friends but they live VERY far away.I'm going to stay with her on his 2nd tour, which will be his longest , but i can't afford to go back and forth too much. any Navy wives (or mom's or mom-in-laws) with advice for her?
2006-07-14 02:32:49 · 13 answers · asked by bgdmom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my daughter works full time and has a dog.
2006-07-14 03:06:42 · update #1
All ships have spousal support groups, also go to family support, they can help. The navy is understanding more about problems with dependents being left behind as of before, where the old saying was if the navy wanted you to have a wife they would of issued you one. Dont worry she will be okay, all ships have email access, even phones now, so they will be able to talk to each other more.
2006-07-14 02:38:31 · answer #1 · answered by paki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not a Navy wife but I'm a Marine wife and have had to endure several deployments and Med floats throughout my husband's 17 year career. What works for me is to stay busy!
Does your daughter have a job? Personally, when I am working I find the time goes by much more quickly and I do not feel so alone. I also attend school and we have children too so they keep me extremely busy.
I would suggest your daughter look for ways to keep her occupied so she is not dwelling on the time apart. Take a class for fun, network with other Navy wifes, work, do something she always been wanting to do (like a sewing project or scrapbook).
Another thing I do when my husband's deployed is designate a date each month on the calendar for "me". Whether I want to go see a movie, go out to eat, to the beach or whatever....that is my day to look forward to. It really helps me in avoiding the "Six more months and he's home, or 96 days until he's home." When I have a more closer goal in sight, it's easier to not focus on the amount of time my husband has left until he's home.
The Marine Corps community really pulls together especially when there's a deployment and I'm sure the Navy is the same. There should be a Navy wives group (Marine Corps has the Key Volunteers) who organizes monthly events for families. Although they are directed more toward families with children, she will meet so many people who are in the same situation.
I share the same type of relationship with my Mom and rely on her so much even now (I always will). And of course she will enjoy your company while you're able to visit but she will find her way to manage through the time her husband is gone. I hope these suggestions help!
2006-07-14 02:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by sukey32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend is in the Army, and will be leaving for his 3rd deployment in January. I know its not even close to being the same thing but there are a few things I can say. I do not know much about the Navy, but with the Army, they set up internet (sattelite) access for the soldiers so that the can have contact with their friends and family. I was able to talk to my friend (instant messenger) almost on a daily basis. They gave him calling cards as well. So hopefully the Navy may do something similar.
I know in some areas, they have support groups for wives/family members who have loved ones that have been deployed. During/after the going away ceremony, assuming they have one, she could get with some of the other wives, exchange phone numbers with them. That way during her husbands absence, she will have/make friends who are in the same situation. The only other advice I can give is to keep busy. Find things to do, hobbies, going to the gym, community center, take a fun class, have weekly/bi-weekly girls night out/in. It took me a while for me to get used to my friend being deployed to Iraq, but I got myself busy with work and meeting other people, and a year went by pretty fast. (it also helped with the IMs and phone calls)
2006-07-14 02:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by cindy1576 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a navy wife or mom or mother-in-law. But I do know how it feels to be far away from the one you love. I am a senior in high school and my boyfriend is in Michigan in college. Only get to see him on holidays and my birthday. So the only things I can tell you is bare with it.. Write letters, take pictures, and send him things so that way it will be a little easier. It will be just like your there.
2006-07-14 02:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by babyjay_babyjae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is REALLY hard - my husband was in the Navy, now he works off-shore on the Gulf Coast. We got sell phones so that when he was docked he could contact us. I try to have a life without him - meaning I find interests that keep me occupied (to a certain extent) We also have 2 small children and I am fortunate to stay home with them - so that takes up my day. If your daughter can enroll in school that would be great for her! Join a gym and get sexy hot for when he comes back! Get her movie passes so she can go to the movies every once in awhile.
And tell her to think of it this way - less laundry, less cooking, she doesn't have to do her hair if she doesn't want to, and they can go back to courting with love letters written back and forth!
2006-07-14 02:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to create or join a support group for other wives in this situation. Let her talk about her feelings and encourage her to stay faithful to him although she may get lonely at times. She could occupy her time by volunteering at the local hospital, mission or nursing home. Depending on her emotional stability, this separation could either make or break her new marriage it's up to her to get through it.
2006-07-14 02:40:27 · answer #6 · answered by beefy1947 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure she is on birth control and does not try to get pregnant before he is shipped out! There are other wives in the same position, she should connect with them and keep herself busy. I sure hope she was mature in her decision to marry him, this is not an easy life.
2006-07-14 02:39:07 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ck with her daily, write her email her and help her keep herself busy, volunteer work, support groups. Listen to her feelings and let her express herself, but you don't need to allow her to feel sorry for herself. She has to accept this as a part of her marriage and get involved with unselfish things. You can show her the ropes when you get there, but incourage her to get out of the house and make herself happy.
2006-07-14 02:36:46 · answer #8 · answered by Sue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont Ever Give Up Hope.
2006-07-14 02:36:57 · answer #9 · answered by mks 7-15-02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably needs to talk to others in like situations, maybe other navy wives who can best undeerstand her fears and have been there..........but tell her how much we appreciate his valor and courage and hers as well..................
2006-07-14 03:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋