My kids haven't spoken to me in over a year since I left their mother. They were fine with everything at first but then she started poisoning them against me. I call them all the time (they don't answer), I send cards, gifts, letters to no avail. If they see me drive by they just give me rude gestures. I miss them so much but I don't know how to get through to them when they won't even answer their phones. Any suggestions?
2006-07-14 02:19:14 · 9 answers · asked by justme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At this age, there's is probably not much you can do at the moment. They are old enough to make their own decisions and right or wrong this is what they have decided. You cannot change how they feel, or what their mother has told them. All you can do is to keep trying. Don't stop trying. Though i wouldn't go overboard with it. If they aren't answering the phone, maybe just try calling once a week. Writing a letter is about the best thing. Even if they don't open it, try putting a short message on the back like "I love you" or "I miss you", or if there was something you did, that even if you don't think it was bad, maybe they miscontrued it, or can be the bigger person and just say you are sorry. They will more than likely see these short messages on the back. And even if they don't believe them now, they may remember later on that you never stopped trying and telling them how much you care. Or even send a postcard. How about saying " Will you meet me at _______ to talk? I want to know what's going on with you and I willl gladly answer any questions you have. This way there is nothing to open and most people won't toss it without reading it, even if they pretend not to. A couple of important things. If you do ask them to meet you somewhere SHOW UP, even if they don't call or say they will be there. You make sure that you are there for them. They may drive by just to see if you showed up. You don't want to dissappoint them, and hang out for at least 1/2 hour or more. And another thing, never under any circumstances in any letter or if they do talk to you, ever say anything bad or against their mother. You may not and probably do not like her, since you left her, but she is stilll their mother no matter what. If she is telling lies about you, don't say that to you children. Just say that maybe you mom misunderstood this or that. Think carefully before you say anything against their mom. She is obviously very important to them, and putting her down will only make them defend her and stop speaking to you again.
2006-07-14 02:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by moddedmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the circumstances of your divorce. If there was another woman involved - it will be a long time. If that is the case - they have lost respect for you and it will take a long time to earn that back. It will be doubly hard if you are still with the woman or if you marry her. From experience - my own daughter who was 16 when we divorced and a real Daddy's girl refused to have anything to do with her dad for 3 years until be broke off the relationship.This may not be the case in your situation so may be a moot point. At their age it is unlikely their mom is poisoning them against you. They are old enough to think for themselves. Since when have adults been able to tell a teenager anything they believe!? Time will heal - just be aware at this age it will take much longer than it would had they been younger. As my daughter says - after 10 years have gone by - "I love my Dad but I don't really respect him." Sorry I couldn't be more supportive - just an honest answer.
2006-07-14 09:46:22 · answer #2 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it might be because of the issues that caused the divorce? Maybe instead of drving by them, you should *stop* and talk to them. You say the divorce was a year ago, and sounds like you had some communication with them at that time, if you were consistently involved with their lives during the last 12 months or so, I can't imagine the ex- could have that much control over them, unless there was some *event* possibly on your part(???) that turned them against you....just a thought. But I'd still try to talk to them and tell them how important they are to you and your life and you want to mend the relationships with them.
2006-07-14 09:34:12 · answer #3 · answered by sammy22005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could send them a letter suggesting that youget together to talk about everything. Let them know you are willing to answer any questions they have. You may have to really put yourself on the line to gain any trust from them. I would say most of all, let them know how much you love them. My husband's parents are divorced and I know it haunts him that he's not sure his dad loves him. So even if they won't talk to you yet, always let them know that you truly love them.
2006-07-14 09:31:40 · answer #4 · answered by caitlinerika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient,i dont know your whole storey,love them,talk to all together and individual.Make sure you listen to them,alot of problem,s are because parent,s dont listen to there kids and do things with them at an early age.Then they wonder why the kids later on dont want to do anything family.Be careful be strong,it sounds like you are a good parent.
2006-07-14 09:50:37 · answer #5 · answered by Don Juan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Patience, and wait for them to 'grow up'.
Reason with them individually.
Tread carefully - it could last for decades.
2006-07-14 09:24:32 · answer #6 · answered by arnold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT BUT
THERE IS REALLY NOTHING U CAN DO ABOUT IT
U JUST NEED TO WAIT AND GIVE THEM
TIME UNTIL THEY R READY TO TALK TO
U AGAIN
2006-07-14 09:58:19 · answer #7 · answered by JAZY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep trying keep hoping don't give up the time will come if you keep trying.but b paient it might take alittle while but what ever u do don't stop trying
2006-07-14 09:34:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was it your fault?
2006-07-14 09:25:54 · answer #9 · answered by nomorepblm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋