Did anyone else feel like this?

Question

I have just found out I'm pregnant. I stopped the Pill 2 months ago. I told a family member in confidence about it and it got round to a couple more people in my family. Cue lots of rows and lectures about throwing my life away, waiting years until I'm older, etc, etc. There were some valid reasons, money being the main one. So last week my boyfriend and I decided to wait for a while until we had a bit more money. But now it seems the decision has been made for us.

The thing is, I don't know if I'm pleased or not. My boyfriend didn't seem to be. I was shaking when the line appeared. It was faint but it was definitely there. I'm going to do another test but I think it will be positive as well. I feel scared because I don't know how we're going to handle the money side of things. I'm excited as well because it's what we're dreamed of. I feel so confused. Is this normal? Have other people been in a similar situation to us? What did you do?

Some things have come up in people's answers that I feel I need to clear up.

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 24. We have been together just over a year and living together for almost 9 months. We rent a house and we are both in full time jobs. In fact, my boyfriend is looking to join the RAF as soon as he can so he will be in a stable job.

Also, this pregnancy was kind of planned. We talked about it LOTS and decided together that I should stop taking the Pill so we could try for a baby. He is behind me 100% and I know he would never leave because of that. He was the one that talked me into stopping the Pill to start off with!

Answer 1

I was only 18 when I fell pregnant with my first child and felt pretty much the same as you do now.
But if you wait until you have money before having a child it will never happen.
My daughter is 10 now and I have no regrets love her to bits.
Your family will come around, so try not to worry to much.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

Answer 2

I have never been through that situation but I don't understand what your question is here. I know it is scary having a baby everyone says that. There are so many people who don't have money and have children so I KNOW you can do it! Just because you're family is scared for you doesn't mean it's a bad time or choice. Just thing of the product of the love from the two of you. Maybe you can try to go to school and get a better job? If you don't make very much you probably can get a grant. You just need to see all the choices you have.

Good Luck, and being scared is NORMAL! My husband and I made the choice to get pregnant soon and sometimes just the thought scares me! Even after the baby is born, it is scary. Taking a whole new life in your hands can be horrifying but it is always worth it.
If you are that serious about not having a baby, did you ever think about adoption? There are lots of people looking for children to adopt a nice healthy baby and if you are very serious that may be something you want to do. Although carrying the baby for 9 months may give you some time to think about it!!

I wish you the best of LUCK!

Answer 3

my husband and I are in exactly the same boat! although we both have full time jobs, we're renting and would like to buy before we have a baby. I came off the pill 2 months ago and am now pregnant - which happened extremely quickly! I thought it would take months, you do hear stories...
anyway, we're thrilled, of course, although havent told the families yet. I know there reaction will be the same as your families, and to b honest I just dont want to hear it right now.
I'm 26, I have a life of my own. if they can be happy and supportive, great. if they're just going totell me its a mistake and we'll have no moneyetc then I dont want to hear it.

draw up a budget - all your ins and outs. only essential/bills outs. then look at all the money youspend elsewhere... takeouts, cash machines, magazines, some evenings out..
compare. you''ll be surprised by how much you spend say on food shopping. we go out a few times a mont, but stll managed to spend £400 a month in supermarkets!!! so, I've halved that nd budget more carefull.

its tough, but you'll be amazed at how much you can save.
I hope you're partner gets into the RAF - you'll get a great house thrown in too!

good luck!!! and enjoy it :-)

ps - if you need further support or advice, here's agreat forum at www.bounty.com loads of threads, start you own, a really supportive bunch

A x

Answer 4

I can tell u right now I know exactly where you are coming from. When I read my first pregnancy test it came out positive with a faint line, but I almost passed out. My heart started racing, I had to grab the sink from falling over. I am 24 and had stopped taking birth control..whatever happens ..happens I thought. If I got pregnant it was no big deal. I am married. To tell you the truth though, I was terrified and thought about not keeping the baby...I even made the appointment to get rid of my child because I was soooo scared and thought that i wasnt ready etc....however this made me soo confused and i cried everyday up until the day before the appointment...I suddenly knew I could not kill my baby. At just 7 weeks the babies heart was already beating and i wanted him/her. I know how confused and scared you must feel right now...ITS COMPLETELY NORMAL. that does not mean that you shouldnt have the baby. it IS going to change your life...it will be hard, but you wont be doing it alone, and think of all the great experiences you will have raising that child. Dont let someone else talk you into getting rid of your baby. You will know what is right in your heart and you will do what is right. Just remember this baby was made with love...it is growing inside of you right now and is a part of both of you.. Some woman cannot even get pregnant...think of how lucky you are. If you are confused you can talk to me.. I am almost four months pregnant and keeping my baby was the best choice I have ever made. I heard his/her heartbeat the other day at the dr.s and I HAVE NEVER FELT SO WONDERFUL.. i am scared everyday but it is worth it.. I hope this helps hon.. everything will turn out ok--

Answer 5

I found out I was pregnant at age 20 (not planned) and the same week my boyfriend lost his job. I fell out with my family moved from Germany to the UK and everything just worked itself out.
We were skint for a while but got through it. Some months were really bad but you just put yourself last and the baby first.
We now have a gorgeous 4 year old daughter and have 2 mortgages ( we rent one house out). I can go back to full time soon when my daughter starts school. Although we are not in a relationship any more - I am glad I did things the way I did.
I still dont have a good relationship with my family, but I have my own now.
All the best to you - do what you fell deep down is the best decision.

Answer 6

Many congratulations to you both in this special time. Expecting a baby brings an avalanche of emotions and all these thoughts and uncertainties are completely normal. I have a baby girl who I love more than anything, but during pregnancy I wondered, do I want this, will I be a good mother, how can we afford a baby. A rush of questions ran through my head. This happens because it is such a huge new step in life, the mind can tend to run riot. Step back from these head spinning thoughts.

On the finances side, so many people have it tough with money and having a baby, you are not alone with that, but you will find a way. All gets crystalised when the baby comes - like questions do I work/don't I work (although some choices are determined our commitments...many of us would love to spend all our time with baby, yet circumstances don't allow us to). Don't seek to find all the answers now. Let things evolve and don't put a strain on yourself in your pregnancy, be healthy and happy and know that things will come right. You have the support of your boyfriend and a family who though they are lecturing you (and maybe some are being annoying) are doing so because they care.

As I said earlier, the answers will be clearer when the baby comes for you will probably want above anything to spend your time caring for him/her and you'll both tighten the purse strings to make sure that can happen. Unless you are a high flyer, it probably doesn't make sense to work & pay for childcare (unless your family will help you and go part time). Mum is best for their child and you'll want to be there for your baby, trust me on that one.

Being a very new mum myself a very happy time ahead awaits you, focus on that & the positives. Your life will change forever for the better.

Good luck in your pregnancy.

Answer 7

It is perfectly normal to worry. It is never the right time to start a family, thats a fact. You dont know whats around the corner. Having a job today does not mean you'll have it tomorrow. But there are other jobs. Also, you could win the lottery tomorrow and needn't worry. There are also sacrifices you need to make as a mum, but it is the most wonderful feeling ever, trust me. I have a good job (currently on maternity leave), a degree, am 28 years old, have a supportive hubby, but the biggest accomplishment of my life is the one thats given me the most joy - my 9 week old baby who is right now sitting in my arms, and I can feel him filling his nappy. Wouldnt change him for the world. Money surely helps, but babies dont care about money, just love. You can pick things 4 the baby cheap from friends, car boot sales and charity shops. Enjoy life...

Answer 8

My sister has just been in a similar situation and we all supported her in what ever she wanted, she decided to abort as she knew she could not cope with a child (physically and emotionally) or afford a child, with or without her boyfriend, she also wants to be a drama teacher so she would have had to give up her dream.
My sis is 20 years old, how old are you?? This is something you need to consider as well as if you and your boyfriends relationship is strong enough for this HUGE responsibility.
Although your family are right in being very concerned and shocked by this news they really should not have a go or force you to do anything but they only have your welfare in mind.
You need to sit down with them and talk this through calmly, after all if you do keep the child you are going to need all the help you can get from both families and I'm sure they don't want to loose you and the baby over this.
They need to know that as it's your life you will make mistakes of your own through no ones fault but your own, if you don't have the child because of them you will resent them just as much as if they forced you to keep the child or give it up for adoption, so it should be your choice and yours alone as it is your body and your life.
Talk to some women you know or on the ivillage web site about how very hard it will be to bring up a child, with your man or on your own if your relationship dose end.
Take care babe
CJ xx

Answer 9

Congratulations to you both and please dont worry about what other people think, this baby will be brought up by two parents who love it dearly which is the most important thing in the world. Life does not end when a baby comes along, it just makes it a lot more worth living and you can do all the things that you want to do a bit later, money will appear from somewhere, it always does.

Answer 10

i was in the same situation skint no money even without a baby but when i found out i was confused i had 2 sit down with my partner and sort out oUr finances we had 2 stop spending as much.

i also went to the local job centre 2 see what benefits i was entitled to in the end i got a £500 maturity grant and after the baby was born i got child benefit which is £69 a month and also child tax credits which is £50 a week.
ur partner could claim working family tax credits which depending on how much he gets paid depends how much he gets.

i now have a lovely little 2 year old i love her 2 bits and now that she is at playschool i can go bk out to work and spoil her even more.

i wish u the best of luck with Ur desion it will be hard but if u choose to keep it it will be worth it.