MORE CHILDREN!?! I have 8!?

Question

My husband was talking to me about having more children. I have 6 and twins soon, and he wants more. I told him that it is too much but he won't listen...Ideas?

Yeah, no kidding, that is a lot of kids. When he said he wanted a football team with substitutes, he meant a football team with substitutes. Oral doesn't cut it for him, and don't get me wrong, I love 'em all to pieces. And, he isn't home enough to love and support them.

Answer 1

How set are you one not having any more children? If you absolutely do NOT want any more kids, then it's time to actually cowboy up and TELL him so. I understand how it will be difficult to disappoint your spouse like this. I also understand how easy it is to become co-dependant on one another, and begin to believe what the other one has to say ALL the time. Like, for example, that it's somehow your DUTY to bear his children. Well, if he really feels that strongly about it, tell him he's going to have to get himself a second wife, because THIS wife is DONE with the having-of-the-babies CONVERSATION!

Your duty is to first and foremost respect yourself and your own needs for health. That's physical AND emotional health. I do believe in submitting to one's husband (I'm Christian), but only if he is respecting what you are giving to him. He must be worthy of such a gift. And when he is not, when he is acting like an a**, then it's okay to remind him that you NEED to be respected. And in fact, respect for you is something that HE needs to feel, too. Allowing yourself to be trampled on degrades and belittles the gift of submission; it turns what should be a brilliantly cut gemstone into a dime-store cut glass...rock.

I have two kids, and I got my wings clipped because I am just NOT the mommy type. I know any more than two and I'll be spread too thin to do them justice. It's too important to not do right. Important enough that if you have ANY doubts, you should not do it. Because it's not like you can take them back to the store with the receipt if you change your mind later.

Answer 2

To set the record straight about having a c-section with twins, that isn't always the case. I didn't have a c-section when my twins were born, though it was offered to me because one of them was breech (when the first one was born, the breech one turned around.) The doctors I had wouldn't perform a tubal ligation until 6-8 weeks after the birth. Talk to your doctor and make the decision that is best for YOU since you are the one caring for these children. Twins are more than twice the work of a single baby! It's your decision, you've already blessed your husband with many children. If you don't want to have more, but he wants you to, he is just being selfish.

Answer 3

I have 9 children and having so many has caused my intestines to become twisted. There are risk to having so many children. I love my children and would not trade them for the world nor take back having them. My husband also wants more but it's a no go. I attempted to have my tubes tied against his wishes: but the decision was ultimately mine. When I went to have the tubal done after my last baby, which is 7months old now: the doctor could only do one tube because he found that my uterus and intestines have fused together and he can't figure out where one stops and the other begins and they are blocking my left tube so that he could not reach it even when he attempted to do open surgery. Now he did not say that this was caused by so many pregnancies: he does not know what caused it...but he also can't discount the pregnancies as the cause either. But for a fact the "twisting" of my intestines was caused by the many pregnancies. So knowing that, make the decision that is right for YOU. He doesn't have to go through all of the unpleasant symptoms of pregnancy and pain of labor and delivery...you do. Remind him of that fact!

Answer 4

This makes me really upset.
First of all, why won't he listen to you? Does he have no feelings for you as a person.
Is he so self involved that he can't see past his own nose?
Does he have plans to keep you pregnant so you can't escape him?
What would lead a man to do this is beyond my thought comprehension. So, as long as the two of you agree then you are respected?

It is really a barbaric type attitude.

I have no suggestions because my sister is in the same boat and her husband wont listen to her either. They are LDS so it seems normal to him and he really wants more children. She is ill and taking care of the babies all day while he goes of to work (in a nice quite office).

She gave up trying to tell him. She won't leave him, but in my humble opinion, I think it is a form of abuse when they won't listen. Almost like telling you that you have no place in this world making those types of decisions. I would have left him a long time ago, at the first sign that he doesn't respect what I feel or think.

Crazy!

Answer 5

Don't u wanna have a life of ur own??? I mean not to be mean, but what counts is quality not quantity..The best is to give your kids what they deserve so unless you and ur husband is rich then go for it...But you have to think about collage...school, clothes and even quality time.i have 2 kids a 5yr old Boy and a 2 yr old girl and I have enough of that....tell your husband to carry for 9 long months a baby and then have that baby and we will see if he wants another one.//But hey guess what??? that's not gonna happened...ever!!! so talk to him and tell him that if he wants his "TEAM" just to hired the remaining...'cause you had enough!!!! really girl, have a life......OF YOUR OWN!! and give this 6 kids or 8 kids your best!!!

Answer 6

Have your tubes tied and don't tell him. Talk to your doctor about this, he has to keep it confidential. Of course it's your choice to do this or not, but I'd consider it since he seems to be unreasonable and giving you no choice. Sometimes self preservation has to come before complete honesty. Unless you can stand up for yourself and really mean it. If you don't want a radical solution you could secretly take birth control pills or use contraceptive films.

Answer 7

I would say if you and your husband can support them then go ahead. You need to seriously sit him down and have a talk. I hope he helps you with all these children. Can you afford any moe children? These are the questions you need to ask him. My personal opinion you have enough

Answer 8

Its time for a serious talk with hubby. You should make him understand about your position and also the financial impact in future. If he's a reasonable guy, he will respect your opinion. Never go for any medical treatment without him or his consent as that will create a tension in the environment and bitterness in relations.

Answer 9

my grandmother had 18 pregnancies, of which 13 children survived. i have known women whose husbands have demanded more children and it has affected their health.


it sounds like your man believes the old adage, 'keep 'm barefoot and pregnant' that way they will never leave you.
he may not be able to understand, or want to. i'd say the ball is in your court and talk to your dr about a tubal. its your body and you don't have to have more just to appease him.

hope things work out,
lily

Answer 10

yes, get your tubes tied when you have your twins. If you are in the US, you will be having a c-section to deliver them anyway. I'm surprised your ob/gyn hasn't discussed this with you already.

Please be responsible, and only create kids you can AFFORD to take care of. Don't depend on the rest of us to do it for you.