Plz Plz Plz help me, i'm very upset?

Question

I deeply love my husband but he doesn't care for me. It's not like he doesn't love. He loves me but not in the way i love him or the way i want him to love me. He never call me first, if we had a fight and i hang up he never call back, he doesn't take good care for me. If i tell him i'm going to my mom's place and will never come back he doesn't say a word. I'm just dying to have some love from him but he is very indifferent. He always want me to change. He want that he shuold not be disturbed when he is doing something, heonly wants to lead life in this way- get up in the morning, getting dressed up, going to office, work there, coming back in the evening, eat food, spending time with his parents and then sleep. And i just wait for him....everytime. He loves me but why it happens that he never miss me? No matter how far we are, but he never miss me. I'm very upset. I don't know what to do. Plz advice something so that i can make our relationship better, strong and lovely.

Answer 1

The way you describe,you seem have an absurd kind of relationship. You are the one who knows best the situation. You know yourself how much you love him and you are the one who claimed that he loves you too but in an indifferent way. Well,it is but a human nature to long to be loved and to return to you the love you are giving to someone you love. It is a need to be nortured for emotional,psychological and spiritusl satisfaction. However bear in mind that that there are differences in individual. You should not try to change his ways as it may get it more difficult for you. He must have something in his ego behind your understanding. The more you touch on it will result to some resistance. Well,all you have to do is not to be so sensitive. Try to understand him and satisfy him.Do not try to challenge his personality in an abrupt way. Instead,try to have a better analysis through a keen observation of his mood and try to discover his weaknessses and make strategies to boast his moral. Avoid criticizing his little mistakes and bear with him with patience as long as it is within tolerable limits.. Just one thing I need to emphasize,have you reflected on yourself? There might be something you caused to make him bahave in such manner. Look in yourself first and resolve your conflicts before resolving the conflicts with him.

Answer 2

Try seeing things from his perspective. He comes home and you are needy. You complain. You probably tell him constantly whats wrong with the relationship. and he doesn't spend enough time with you or the kids. What kind of family happiness is it. A man needs to see home as a place he comes to for rest and renewal.
You are wasting a great deal of energy on your worries. Spend that energy to make a good home where he wants to come home to and feel love. Remember, the more you give, the more you get. How about thank him for working so hard. Give him a little kiss then make him a good dinner. I am not saying me are superior, I am just saying that whoever sits at home mulling about needs to make a good enviroment. If he stayed home and you worked I would expect that of him.
I don't understand why people marry then become distant.
I think that we each have expectations that never come true.

Rekindle your hoome and your husband. You make a choice to change.....I bet you he will change too.

Answer 3

I've read the answers written so far and only agree with the ones that suggest you and your husband see a good counselor. I think for divorce counseling I would only go to a religious one that believes that marriages should be saved. The other ones won't care if you get back together or not.

Because of the English that you use and because you say that your husband spends time with his parents every night after supper: I wonder if you and your husband are from another country or are in a culture from another country. If this is the case, then it would be better for you and your husband to see a counselor from that same culture or he won't understand your cultural expectations.

No one who answered this question knows you or your husband,
so they don't really know whether the problems in the marriage are from you, your husband, or from both of you. You say that your husband only wants you to change. From your question it sounds as if you only want him to change. If you are willing to make some changes maybe he will too.

God bless you both. Whatever your religion, please ask God to help you with your marriage. If God didn't love you He would never have decided to create you.

Answer 4

Sheeesh,
I am so sorry to hear this sad story about how your husband isnt giving you proper attention. He seems to be very blauze' about stuff. Like nothing really gets him stired up! I used to date a guy like that and it drove me crazy! I think you could have a talk with him about how you feel and if he truley loves you he will take action and if he doesnt then either a, you could get some counseling or b, you should leave him, but that's only if he just isnt doing anything. It really sucks when this starts happening, cause then you start trippin and start feeling all crazy and pethetic! Which you are totally not, just some guys are logical and not as emotinal as we are, but that is still no excuse to have someone effect you in such a bad way. Hope things get better.

Answer 5

It looks as if he is upset about something about you and is not able to tell you point blank. That's why the cold shoulder treatment. Just examine yourself. Have you denied anything to him in any way, upset him or refuse to change your habits for the good of the family? How long were you married? For how long is this going on? You have to examine all these things. He is asking you to change. Why are you not changing? What is the reason? Is it genuine? The husbands behaviour depends on the wife and the circumstances at home. Examine each aspect and only you can find the solution as we are just small time visitors into your life.

Answer 6

Everybody is different emotionally. You have chosen to marry and unemotional person and you are very emotional. You do some dramatic attention getting things like hanging up on him or threatening to leave...which aren't working. He simply will not respond to such dramatics. He also may already know that all of these are empty pointless threats on your part because you never follow thru...just make the threat hoping that will work. If you want a more emotional man, you're going to have to leave this one or just put up with him as he is. The choice is yours. Don't threaten what you aren't going to do. It gets you nowhere, obviously. If you say you're going to leave, do so. If you hang up on him...don't speak to him again until he speaks first. Don't make dinner, don't do laundry. Stop being a slave to him and maybe he will wake up.

Answer 7

Have you tried to take more interest in his life? If so and he doesn't seem to take any interest in yours you have a serious problem. When you take interest in what he does, does he push you away? Or does he tell you about what he feels? You can always sit down with him and try to figure out what he wants out of your relationship. Tell him that you need some affection, tell him that it is making you depressed and that he makes you feel worthless. If this doesn't get his attention and he doesn't change you should maybe go to marriage counseling. If you still can't work out your problems you may be stuck with an asshole. Get a divorce and find someone who deserves you.

Answer 8

I totally agree with 'Deepika Doda2000'..!
Many problems can be solved with cool discussions.
In your case u r not sure of the problem so first speak to him in a friendly manner, explore the root cause for ur problem and then try to solve that... here u can take ur family or frnz help as well... n check is there any thing that u have change in u as well.
n be patient. All the Best!!

Answer 9

if your wanting to save this marriage then then im thinking that therapy will be needed ,both you will need to go not just you but him to. Try telling him things dont seam right in the marriage & counseling might help straighten it out. It can a # of ppl u could go to together a pastor of ur church or a couples counseling clinic , there should be differant choices out there that might help.Going by what you have discribed there is something there that is bothering him ,& its coming out in the ways u discribed .If he is unwilling to go & do this then check on possiblly moving on . i hope things will work out for the two of you in the best possible way

Answer 10

He sees you as stable and reliable, someone he does not need to work at to keep. Try to get him to put more effort into the relationship first, include marriage counseling, and a sex therapist if one can help, finally, if after a few months, give him an ultimatum and find a man that does want to satisfy if he won't, or accept your life as it is.