When having had some bad experiences with bad relationships/marriages sometimes we get scared to love again. How to overcome this mistrusting feelings? What should ladies look out for to see some signs to trust a specific man again?
2006-07-13 21:47:57 · 8 answers · asked by flexy1972 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
A couple suggestions:
1) Make small, incremental changes in your life. For example, go out and date around but don't commit. Just take time to work on your social skills, check the inventory of men available, etc. The idea is that you put limits on the steps you take--it's easier to make changes in your life when the changes are small. And don't worry that a good man might slip away from you because you're unwilling to commit right away. Let him slip away. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just go meet more men.
2) Develop a support group where you can talk about the men you're meeting and exchange opinions with other folks. Meet some other dating single women and arrange to chat with them, talk to married friends, talk to family members... Don't make important decisions about relationships in a vacuum, by yourself, especially if you're not particularly trusting your instincts right now. Find out what others think so that you have some measures and guidelines (social norms) to measure the men against. With the help of others, work up a list of priorities you want to find in a man.
3) Along the same line (of finding some standards to measure men against), study each man's social skills. Social skills require some adaptability and flexibility, and as such they are a good measure of a man's maturity. Check the link below. Click around on "behaviors" and "miscommunications" links until you get the idea. And work on your own social skills while you're at it.
http://www.firstimpressionsconsulting.com/pages/tables.html
4) Don’t waste time on “fixer-uppers” (guys who are awkward but maybe could improve if you work on them a bit). That’s where a lot of losers catch you: They bait you with the idea that they just need a good woman to set them on the right track, and then once they catch you they regress to their old habits or worse. Insist that the man be good (or at least passable) right from the start.
5) Last idea: When you think you have a keeper, make sure the relationship is *fun.* Yes, it's true that relationships require some work and nurturing over the long-term. But at the beginning in particular they should be fun. If the guy is requiring too much work or too many sacrifices of you or is difficult to be around, then put him on hold and date around some more for comparison purposes. Check him against your list of social skills or your list of priorities and find out where he is lacking.
In summary, I would advise: Don’t be in a hurry. Make incremental changes. Date around. The whole idea of dating is to cast a wide net. Get out there and get involved, but catch them and release them for a while until you have a pretty good idea of what’s available to you. Life is long, so take your time and enjoy!
2006-07-14 08:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Jim R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to see a Doctor. Alternatively you may join Rehabilitaiton Group / Orphanage / Old Age asylum as a Volunteer.
2006-07-13 22:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by Deepak S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no magic answer for this one.
The only cure is to say to yourself...
I can sit here and be with no one or understand that not all things work as we hoped and get back out there.
When you are ready you will go back out. You will be wiser and know when things don't seem to be going just quite right, or if they are much better than before.
2006-07-13 22:24:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
emotional laxatives.
no, seriously... Time, Counselling.
Usually if people have cheated before they will do it again. I don't know how you could trust that specific person again until they earn it.
If its a new man... take time to meet people around him, friends, family etc. Keep you eyes open, don't jump in too quick, demand respect for yourself.
2006-07-13 21:55:30 · answer #4 · answered by Rose Button 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let yourself heal. Only then, will you start to trust again.
2006-07-13 21:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by Private Account 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find out the why first
then protect yourself from that again
2006-07-16 16:29:09 · answer #6 · answered by Aaron J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell yourself it could be worse, you could always have an intestinal blockage
2006-07-13 21:52:10 · answer #7 · answered by Dorkchop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ex-lax will work wonders
2006-07-13 21:54:53 · answer #8 · answered by philski333 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋