No, I can NOT visit him, not possible. ( Saudi does not allow woman to travel unless it's in a tourist group..and I do NOT have the money for THAT...and can't leave my son)
And yes, he spends 4-5 hours a day talking to me...but I heard that many men from overseas will lie for YEARS... and they secretly have wives, who allow them to do this...to get their foot in the door to America............ PS... He gets REALLY PISSED if I bring up the subject that perhaps he could be doing this...
And NO,,, I do not wish to meet anyone else...
So...........anyone have an answer?
2006-07-13 21:30:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen, are you planning or even considering marrying a man from knowing him only over the internet? And a man from a country with different values and traditions? Let me ask you, suppose you married this guy, where are you planning to live with your husband? In the US? Has he ever been to the US? Can he cope and live in the US? What will he do in the US to support you and the family? When you have kids and some of them girls, will he keep them in the US or will he send them back to Saudi Arabia, to raise them according to his traditional and religious values? Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying western values are better or that Saudi values are not good, I am just warning you of this future possibilty. Also if you are planning to live with him in Saudi Arabia, can you live there? I am sure you are aware that in his country everything will be different for you. You can't even drive a car, or go anywhere without him. Yes so he spend 4-5 hours a day talking to you, so what, will that solve it all? Or will that make your future marrage with him work? You say he gets REALLY PISSED if you bring up the subject of "the Visa concern" but he getting pissed doesn't prove anything. Ask your self what are the possibilities and the chances for this possible marriage to work. I am not telling you to break up with him, I am simply helping you see the obstacles and the hidden future risks you might be getting your self in. Good luck.
2006-07-13 21:48:54 · answer #1 · answered by rabb b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're very correct in at least considering the possibility because that kind of thing happens alot. But how do you tell? It intrigues me that he gets really pissed when that subject comes up. I can't help wondering if such an extreme reaction on his part is an indicator of frustration that you're not yielding quick enough for his time plan. You may not like this idea, but I will tell it to you anyway. Find a way to nicely, respectfully and with a very genuine feel to it, say that you believe in long engagements or a more lengthy period before marriage or doing any paperwork in the furtherance of him coming to you. Watch for his reaction. How does this strike him? Does he still sound like a future loving and understanding husband that takes your feelings and concerns at heart and places your comfort level on par with his own? Or does he get really pissed again and threaten to call it quits? If he gets all uppity and puts the pressure on you, I think it no longer matters what his basic motivation is (though it would probably answer my question there too) but it would give me a clearer picture of how life would realistically be as marriage partners, and the chance of success over the years. I already think that you posing the question on Yahoo is a pretty good sign of justified caution.
2006-07-13 21:44:25 · answer #2 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take this from someone that has been through the process.
A SPOUSE visa, AFTER you're married for 1 year takes 18 months to be approved and will cost between $1,100 and $1,500.
A FIANCE visa is much harder to get approved for and can average 4 years to get approval.
The laws changed in 1997 to the above requirements.
The Department of Homeland Security (formerly the INS) is a vast bureauracy. The first paperwork they send you doesn't begin to tell you all the details and the money you're going to have to spend later. In fact, I've lost money and time and had to reapply.
An immigration lawyer familiar with the paperwork is essential to get it right the first time.
So, I hope this helps you. Maybe it can shine some light on how serious any ideas will be for the both of you.
You CAN look up his marriage and criminal history online.
2006-07-13 21:45:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.. you really need to CALM DOWN lol... as the 1st person said, there's no real way except for trust. but it doesn't seem like u trust him, and yes you're right - some people will do absolutely anything to get a visa. so you best think things through very very carefully. and one thing i have learnt, though, is that doubt is the key to unhappiness. so if u'r not sure, give it a good thought as to whether you'll ever be able to trust him once he's here and married.
good luck
2006-07-13 21:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by conspicuous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation the conversation is grand the common ground is perfect. I cant take the chance I have too much to lose. I will just ease my way out of the friendship and start over state side.
2006-07-13 21:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by Big R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust. Obviously you don't trust him. If he gets upset that you bring up the subject maybe that hits close to home. Let me ask you this. Who's paying for the phone calls? Or are you just online chatting? Talk to him on the phone so he's paying the tab and see if he loses interest.
2006-07-13 21:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-02 01:09:16 · answer #7 · answered by seelye 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooo..this is a tough one. Follow your heart. If you believe him and you have built up a relationship, go for it. However, dont' follow this on a whim. Take time to think it through. Once you've done that and you've made up your mind, just realize that there's no going back. Good luck!!
2006-07-13 21:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by mlove1307 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you also know that if you have kids with that person and the go back to Saudi, your chance of getting them back are next to nothing if he wants to keep them?
Also, why so far away when there are arms reach of people closer?
2006-07-13 21:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by DaNewGuy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be hard to prove one way or another.
Are you willing to take the chance?
What if he is lying? You are going to get hurt very bad.
What if he isnt lying? Probably it is hard for both of you.
2006-07-13 22:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by sakeslug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋