i am also upset with the behaviours of my inlaws.with 5 years of my married life i tried to make them satisfied with my household works,cooking,and family relations.but,they always tried to find my faults.only my husband support me a lot.thats why our married life still works.i have 1 son of 4years.they dont have love for him either.they only concern abt their other 2 daughters.and all of them are act like we made serious crime to get married.they also insults my parents in every uspects,as my parents have less money than them.but,it was theirs choice,for their son to make me their daughter in law.now,we are in nepal.my husband get chance to work here for 3 years.they blamed me for came here and make distance with their son.but me and my husband are happy to get free from them atlast.but they dont want us to see happy.am i wrong or is it my fate?i dont want to stay with them anymore,if i went to my country.its too tough for me to get into their house,as they have igo for property.help.
2006-07-13 19:42:13 · 11 answers · asked by Farjo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Read the book 'The Dance of Anger' by Harriett Lerner.
It will help you to see that you are not the problem. You are in a relationship triangle- you, your husband, and his mother. It will take time to unravel. Your husband must commit to being a Husband first- you are his future; and a son secondly. At some point you have to let go and allow your mother-in-law to be hateful. You have done all you can. Give her enough rope and she will hang herself with her cruelty. Your inlaws are hyper-sensitive to everything you do because they don't like you. You can't make everyone like you and that is okay- but it sounds like your mother in law doesn't like anyone!!! She must be very miserable to do what she is doing. You may have to create boundaries and limit your contact with your inlaws if they can't be nice. It is unfortunate but you must protect yourself and your marriage first. You have done your best, and I am sure you have tried everything to make her like you. She doesn't and probably won't. Do not have children and live near her, or your life will become a living hell! They will attempt to use young children to control you and her son.
I believe there is a lesson here for you- you must learn to protect yourself and create boundaries where only safe people are allowed in. You are blessed that your husband loves you, he must protect you and you must protect yourself. Your mother in law must feel very powerful that she can get away with treating you this way. Where is she getting this power? Your husband needs to be strong and tell his parents that you are his wife, he loves you, and if they want to have a relationship with him, they will treat you with the same respect they treat him with....or he will limit his relationship with them. It is sad, but that is life. Your struggle is to become strong , and value yourself enough to protect yourself. The Dance of Anger is the best book in the world for getting yourself out of a relationship like this that you just can't win. Be strong. You have done nothing wrong.
2006-07-13 20:01:17 · answer #1 · answered by Eric A 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your mother-in-law automatically becomes your mother when you tie the nuptial knot. There's no way about it but to treat her like one. The distance that you have right now kinda helps you to cool off and reflect on it deeper.
5 years may seem like peanuts to some who eventually get the respect that they deserve from their mothers-in-law after decades of suffering but to experience it firsthand is indeed a challenge for you.
Sons to mothers are like nails on flesh - painful to rift them apart. In her eyes, you can or may never be the one who'll take over her place in his heart. But with effort and perserverence, love will conquer and all will be well. It really is nice to know that you get the support from your husband but personally I feel that he needs to do more than just support before anyone turns insane.
One step to please a person is to practise humility even under the pressure of embarassment. I'd suggest that you learn a skill that she is an expert in and make her teach you and in return, make her feel very important. Plus, confide in your husband as he should be the best person to tell you what makes her happy. Itmay not work at first trial but DON'T Give Up! Keep on trying. [Your child will appreciate the things that he sees now and goodness will flood in him, kowing that his mother is perserverant, patient and doing good.]
People like being felt important, needed and respected. At the moment, you should not expect anything as expectations usually bring about disappointment. This is a test for you. You have to be the strong one here as you can see that something is wrong here. I believe that if a person can see wrong from right, that person should be blessed as he or she can think straight. Noting that this is a concern, a silent cry, brings out the fact that you want peace with your husband's family and that is a major plus point unlike those who blabber and spill dirt and not do anything to improve the situation.
All the best!
Just a thought...
2006-07-13 20:04:36 · answer #2 · answered by funsnuggle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess mom in laws are all the same anywhere in this world. Either you be more patient or confront them about their attitude towards you. If that won't work, ignore her comments but you can still keep on respecting her so that you will always be on the winning side;ie. she can't hold it against you for ignoring her comments while you are still being courteous...Relax, when she realise you are not intimidated by her attitude, she'll tone down...sometimes mothers have a fear that her only son (if this is the case) is 'stolen' by another woman; please don't take it badly, it's just being human.... take care, okay...
2006-07-13 20:00:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u no wat in laws really care 4 u
i am not joking
u no y bcoz ur mom in law really loves his son and being his wife she have 2 accept u but she is just a bit upset and u dont need 2 spoil ur mood over it
chill and njoy
2006-07-13 20:00:02 · answer #4 · answered by sunshinegirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sooooo with you. Ever watch Everybody Loves Raymond....thats my frickin life!
2006-07-13 19:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by akamoonpie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the answer is easy its really a question >why are you trying to prove tyour self to them and do you really know how to find happiness ,Come talk to me on yahoo messanger
2006-07-13 19:46:08 · answer #6 · answered by jac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out.
2006-07-13 19:51:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
can you go where your husband is and live with them, i know how you feel, very prejudice people, always complaining nothing good enough, see if you can go where your husband is good luck
2006-07-13 19:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by ammyownwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mother is god...dont leave her...you will face problems...so it takes time better luck
2006-07-13 19:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by nani 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember "monster in laws"
its natural..
2006-07-13 19:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by waz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋