Rape, sexual assualt, How do you over come?

Question

A man over powering you, fourcing him self on you, you crying out for him to stop, but he doesn't atleast not until he got what he wants. I know from experince... How does one overcome the fear and the ensercurity of letting someone get close to you? My mom was raped, my sister was sexually assualted and me date raped and sexualted. I wish i could be back to my normal self, and be able to do things that you do with our partner, and not have to think about that time when you lost control, and a men took advantage of you. How do you over come that fear?

Answer 1

It is a tough situation. My concern is what you will react when you trully fall in love with someone. Will you worry if he forces you to have sex when you don't want it? According to the definition for rape, it is rape. However, I have different point of view.
I believe the true love comes from compromising, certainly it is to certain extent. There is times I was exhausted and there was he was exhausted because family chores, jobs, or whatever. He used to push, literally, me from him when I made attempt. I felt hurt a lot of his pushing me. I asked him "what is going on?" He said nothing and I kept silent the next day. Man knows how you feel if he cares. Man does not want to be forced as woman does not want to be forcred. When I realized his reaction was not too much different from mine, it became easy for me to tell him i felt hurt when he pushed me away from him. Now, he tells me when he does not want it. I still feel bad about being rejected and still feel bad about being rejected; however, if I can say no why cannot he.
This insight helps me and him. We now are more compromising. Sometimes, I will accommondate his needs even if I have no interest and so does he.

Answer 2

Man I wish I knew. I've been through a simular situation, and if ya eva find a way let me know. I never told anyone for 5 years until last spring a close friend of mine pulled it out. I'm trying to learn to trust people but just can't. I'm not sure where you stand religiously but what has helped me is just keep on praying and givin it to God. If ya need to talk just contact me, I'm always open.

Answer 3

Well there is always help and you can over come any thing if you put your mind to it.I had a friend that was raped by her own brother.And she was so close to killing her self.But she got help and se is a totally different person.You would not even know what happened

Answer 4

The only thing that has helped me is a study of the Bible. I now understand why these things happen, why God has allowed them and what he will do to see that they never happen again. Jehovah's Witnesses are probably the most knowledgeable about what the Bible says and will be happy to teach you free of charge.

Answer 5

for all 3 of you to have that happen to yourselfs leads me to belive that you live in a high crime ara, in that case move out or learn to use a gun

Answer 6

someone will have to gain your trust and you will understand eventually when the person is not out to hurt you. take one day at a time and good luck

Answer 7

Where do u live
such a bad place

Answer 8

god and time heals all

Answer 9

Frankly? I may not have been raped (if I was, I don't remember it), but when I was a kid I was subjected to other kinds of abuse. And to this day, I view every situation in terms of what dangers it poses for my person.

Awareness is key to avoiding danger. With time, you can learn not to be *afraid* per se (furthermore, if you are ever in a bad situation, there is no time to be afraid if you want to win). Probably, once you have found out from experience what it is to be in danger, that awareness will stay with you forever, and you will simply make choices about what to do with the information it provides you with.

Of course, in an ideal world, this sort of awareness would be unnecessary. But let's face it, the world is not ideal. Even the most wonderful guy can turn into a monster. So yeah: I remain aware and never allow myself to be in a situation I can't get out of physically.

Particularly with a large assailant, that means being very quick on the draw and very smart. Normally, I will have a strategy at least subconsciously worked out beforehand - before I go out at that time of day, or to this or that place, or in the company of such-and-such a person.

But at very least I will always be aware of my own capabilities and how I can use them, if need be, to get out of the situation at hand. And I admit it: most probably it will be that way even while in bed with my husband, if I ever marry. I already have an entire array of strategies prepared if he ever tries to get rough with me...

See, there are ways of using the large opponent's strength against him, and methods of twisting your way out of situations so that you require less force - only a strong and flexible back, and especially midsection.

This is the strongest part of a woman, and it is in no way weaker than a man. I used to work that section in the gym once upon a time, and I was using more weight than *any* of the guys for the lower back and the obliques.

So, it can help to be aware, exercise to increase your strength, especially the abdominal muscles and lower back, and learn self-defense. Aikido is a particularly good form for women, from what I understand, because it uses a lot of twisting motions which are suited to a woman's physique - where the midsection is the strongest, and you are using indirect means instead of brute force.

A good self-defense course will teach you much more than just physical techniques - it will also teach you the mindset you need to successfully defend yourself. It is possible to learn that mindset on your own (I had to), but you may prefer to do it in good company.

This will not completely cure your problem, however. For the moment, my situation is that I have not had a non-platonic relationship in over 20 years. Once upon a time that used to bother me, but nowadays, even if I have a platonic relationship with 'someone special', I am happy enough with my life as it is that I could choose to remain as I am forever.

See, when you don't have 'anyone in particular', it allows you to spend time with whom you want, when you want, where you want, and you can love everyone equally. Which is a beautiful thing.

And it is always good to learn to be content in the situation one presently finds oneself in. So if that means you are too aware of potential dangers to allow anyone to get physically close to you, you do what you can with what you have, and live a life where your contacts with people have a character you can live with.

Never allow anyone, including yourself, to demand any more of you than that. You have a right to the amount of space you need to feel safe. And if that is violated, you are right to feel wronged. But it means absolutely nothing for your value as a person. It is their perception of you that has led them to do what they did, and nothing more.

Now, since you say you have been the object of unwanted physical attachments, it may not be humanly possible to break that bondage, but with God all things are possible(1). He has done all that was needed to free you from all bondage(2), all you need to do is trust in Him and what He has done for you(3).

When you do this, understand that what He wants to do for you is something much more than that. He wants to help you put your entire past, that past where you made various kinds of mistakes, behind you, and give you a new life.

So, approach it with that intent. Examine your conscience to see what there is that needs to be discussed with God. Take responsibility for whatever it is you have done, and together with Him, put it behind you(4).

And then, yes, you'll have a new heart(5), a new mind(6), new desires and new strength(7), new actions(8), a new love(9) - in short, a new life(10).

Another thing about your personal life in particular: Never expect yourself to be sexual with anyone unless two conditions have been met:

- you have both made the move from Mom and Dad being most important, to each other being most important (if you don't do this, and you stay together, you will later have all kinds of problems with third parties and other priorities intruding on a relationship which is so close that in principle nothing except death can be allowed to interfere with it);

- you have made a permanent, exclusive commitment to each other (if you don't do this, you'll eventually break up and/or allow third parties to intrude, and when that happens, you'll each find you have left a bit of yourself behind with the other person)(11).

So treat yourself with respect in this matter, as well as other people and, most importantly, God. That man you referred to in your question may not have treated you with respect, but that means absolutely nothing here:

You are worthy of this respect because you are God's creature, made in His image(12). Regardless of what you have done, where you have been, what you have experienced in this life. Anyone who disrespects you, disrespects the God Who made you, and will suffer the natural consequences of his deeds, whether in this life or the next(13).

So there is no need to take any kind of revenge. That is God's department(14). If we want Him to love us regardless of who we are, we need to be willing for Him to do the same to others, and even do it ourselves(15).

So that God also wants to do a great deal more for this man who abused you than merely punish him for his sins. He wants to take them away from him and help him leave his old life of sin behind, and find a new life.

Who knows but what your prayers on his behalf will help this to happen? And if it does, he will no doubt feel obligated to (if possible) find you and confess his sin to you, asking you for forgiveness. And this will be a real test of the extent to which you believe that God really can give a new life even to such a sinner as he.

And He really can. I once knew a man about whom, at first, all I knew was that he was a sweet, gentle and very mature, very spiritual person, knowledgeable in his faith. Imagine how shocked I was when I found out just HOW MUCH this guy knew about God's grace from personal experience, the depths from which God had brought him: he had once been a professional hit man for the Mafia and had managed to kill 7 people in cold blood for money before he got caught and sent to jail.

But while he was on Death Row, waiting to be executed, he found a new life. It was so new that eventually, the governor found out about it and pardoned him. To this day (if he is still alive - he was an older gentleman by the time I met him, and that was the better part of 20 years ago), he is well aware that he deserved to die, and it was God's mercy and nothing more that allowed him to live.

He probably loved God more than anyone else I know, for anyone who is forgiven much, loves much... And vice versa: anyone who loves much will be forgiven much too.(16)

And there is another thing about love too: Perfect love casts out all fear(17). Fundamentally, this is the knowledge of how God perfectly loves us - but not only that. As we occupy ourselves with loving others, we become less afraid over time - in God's time. And God's time is the right time for the one who has faith(18).

May He bless you, and may He give you the ability to grasp how wide, and long, and high and deep is His love - to know a love that surpasses all knowledge - and be filled to the measure of all His fullness(19).