What is going on with my husband? Am I going nuts? OR WTF?

Question

My husband I really dont believe loves me at all. Since we have been married, he isnt affectionate, he has ran me down to the ground, he hasnt doesnt want to spend time with me except here at home and claims its due to money, we fight all the time, he doesnt think about anyone but himself. We are having our second baby and I was at the hospital. He never even called to see if I was ok, and claims that he thought I Was just out for the night. I HAVE NEVER GONE OUT FOR THE NIGHT... not more ever over an hour. I ended up getting a ride home from the hospital from a total stranger. Today, he goes out of state to get a job that I basically set up for him. He called me in a frantic because he didnt know where my cousins were to pick him up. I told him to call me and let him know how he was. Late into the evening I didnt hear from him... so I called him twice. To say the least I was mad that he didnt even call to tell me all was well, except much earlier that he did indeed get his ride....

then I when I called he stated, " What, I didnt hear the phone and I was watching t.v. I thought I already called you once today!" I am so hurt that he didnt even call to say goodnight! I am tired of this, I feel so un-loved and so used.

Answer 1

That is terrible. Have you talked to him about this and told him you feel unloved? (though I am not sure how receptive he would be...but you still need to try). I would say tell him you guys need marriage counselling, and if he isn't willing to do that then maybe it is time to see if you can have a happier life without him. (I know kids complicate things, but it is better than feeling terrible all the time)

Answer 2

Girl, Tell him straight up " Why are you acting this way?"
If he acts ignorant just ppoint out a few things to him.
Also if he says you do certain things to make him
act like this at least listen with an open mind , unless
they are way rediculous or something.

He might warm up to ya if you start acting
the way you want him to act. That works
for me most of the time. If i act like his
sex kitten and am all loving ( even if he
is bein a grouch) he will usually come
around.

You gotta be willing to try though.
Most women got to take the first
step unfortunately.

If this doesnt help OR if you already
do this, then tell him you are very
unhappy and that you need him!
Tell him he is putting your
relationship in great jeapoardy
I hope all goes well keep us
updated!

Answer 3

Nuts, crazy, paranoid---that's what spouses tell her partner when they are doing wrong. He needs to get real, and leaving you at the hospital to have the baby-now that would be a wake up call for me. Honey, you aren't being treated like a person much less a wife. I would tell him-things has got to change, if he's not willing to change some of these habits-then maybe it's time to give up on him, and move on to somebody who will respect you and love you like you should be loved. It still bothersme about this hospital thing, he didn't worry that you were spending the night off. I think it's time for a talk! God bless, and good luck-

Answer 4

Wow.. he sounds like he's the most irresponsible control freak ive ever seen.. He didnt even come to the hospital when you had your baby????????? thats horrible.. u had to get a ride from a stranger??????? thats unreal.. and dangerous btw.. Yeah i think u need to take control of your life.. id just do things with or with out his permission.. be more independent show him your not going to put up with his BS anymore.. give him a taste of his own medicine..if that doesnt wake him up.. then yeah id say he's a poor excuse for a husband let alone a human being..

Answer 5

I am a marriage and family therapist and this has caught my attention. I have seen your name in another question about cheating, at least I hope that I dont have the wrong person. First off, the cheating will take you at least 3 years for every occurance. That is the average for a human heart, mind, to heal. This is figure only. Second, you both need therapy. You state the he puts you down. By the way I am seeing you write, I can sense deep pain and a feeling of unworthiness and a feeling of loneliness. He certainly is a man who is about himself first. He needs help before he loses you. I wouldnt be all that much concerned about losing him at this point as him losing you. Your two letters show a lack of desire to continue or at the very least a small desire almost lost. He had better get his act in order if he loves you and stop playing these sort of sick games. If he doesnt care, what are you losing anyhow? Please, for your sake and your childrens sake, get out at least temporily until you figure things out with a therapist. Never take this kind of abuse. The longer he knows your sitting up, waiting for him to love you, being at his beconking call, he will continue to abuse you! Yes, Abuse! Neglect is actually one of the worst forms of abuse. I have seen your picture profile and your hardly what a man wouldnt turn his head around to look at. Why dont you have a better self image? Get therapy lady! This is my suggestion and get out before you lose your mind.
Sorry to be blunt and hard on you, but this is bad signs of a man loving a woman, in fact its all the signs of a man who doesnt care or is cheating. You mentioned in his other letter that you feel so alone. Good lord woman, who wouldnt? Take care and best of luck! Get to a therapist to help you get out of that!

Answer 6

You have to ask yourself what do you want from your relationship. If you can live with someone that is not outwardly in love with you ,is that good enough. If you can live with this then just relax and get use to life without your husbands love. My guess is that you already know the answer to that question.Was he ever more loving towards you, did he ever show your more ,that he loved you, does he like being a dad, do you two ever go out just the two of you on a date if not then you should try that ,sometimes you just need to put the spark back in your relationship.

Answer 7

sound to me like a would call it quits and not even try to figure this one out it is quite obvious that he has a different plan for his life. If you want some peace try staying with a family member for a while at least until you have had your other baby this will give you time to make your own plans and time for him to realize that you mean business if it matters to him at all. You don't need any stress right now and even though that seems impossible you need to think of yourself and your children right now.

Answer 8

Sounds like the man is self centered and I am sorry to say this honey, but he sounds like a man who doesnt care. You need to re-think this one. I was in a relationship like this. My man didnt ever do a thing for me. His idea of doing something for me was me giving him a ********. This kind of man is never marriage material because they dont know how to love or too share, only just to take... never to give. If I was to guess, I would almost bet your sex life sucks too, and I bet that he cheats or has cheated? This man should be a has been dear. Move on!

Answer 9

ok so whats the problem? leave him and dont look back, a woman has needs just like a man does. if he isnt even there for you now what makes yo uthink he si going to even come back. i think you shouldnt give this guy another chance. he doesnt have any interest in you but he is ready to ignore you. why dont you play his game when he gets back, ignore him, stop calling him. dont come home and tell him oh ithought you went out.come home with food only for you and the kids, tell him oh i thought you werent going to be here, play his game.

Answer 10

If he's not having an affair (which gives rise to many other issues), you may want to challenge his sense of manhood. Don't be cruel about it, but specifically, directly (and without sarcasm), ask him if he's mature enough to behave like a father and a husband. I really don't mean to beat him up with it, but take every opportunity not to nag, but to challenge him. For instance, ask him, "Do you have it in you to help me turn this marriage around?" Tell him what you need. And actually use the word "need." I need to know what's going on in your mind -- I need you to treat me like you care -- I need you to know that I care -- that I'm in pain -- etc. ..... Be empathetic, ie., "I know you're stressed over finances, but I need you first, your children need you first, we need to work this out."

Pummel him with your needs, not your nags. Challenge him with questions: "Is it in you, are you strong enough, are you mature enough, is the man I once respected still in there, is the man who once loved me enough to respect me still somewhere in there" ...... Written they seem sarcastic. Be sure to eliminate any sarcastic tones from your voice, no matter how much ehe deserves to be belted by your mouth.

In the end, you'll prove your worth to yourself as a wife and mother. If he comes around, great. If he doesn't, someone, somewhere will see the strength and value that's in you. You'll bless another man's life who's more worthy of you. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. But when it comes right down to it, you're responsible to yourself first, so that you can benefit your children and those around you. Be strong. Love yourself.