what do you do when after 5 years you realize the person your with is rather ugly on the inside?

Question

ok ive been with my fionce for 5 years engaged for 1 year and to be honest ive realized shes not as beautiful on the inside as i once thought how would you deal with this situation and please keep in mind that after 5 years you cant just walk away

Answer 1

That's funny that I just ran across your question. I was just telling my "beautiful" on the outside 13yr old daughter that it doesn't matter how beautiful she is on the outside, if she is ugly inside it doesn't take long for it to overcome her good looks! I answered this because I want my daughter to see that it is true what I told her. As far as your relationship, you have already wasted 5 years, why waste any more. Its a lot easier to walk away before you get married and I know it will be hard for you, feelings don't go away over night. But, maybe take a vacation by yourself just to see how unstressful and fun it can be without a person that is ugly on the inside. And, I definitely don't know all of the details of your relationship, you just really sound like a good person and deserve a good life partner!

Answer 2

No it isn't decent to just walk away especially if she loves you. However, you cannot let this affair go on indefinitely because it will ruin your life. You are not getting any younger and if you some day wish to get married and this girl is not the right one, then you must end it. How? Try to be as truthful as possible without hurting her feelings. Don't tell her that she is not beautiful on the inside. Tell her that you just don't relate to her and cannot see yourself married to her for the rest of your life. This marriage would surely end in divorce. At this time you want to look around and see what the world is all about. Meet new people. Do other things. Come up with other reasons that will not hurt her....hard to do, I know, but very necessary. I have had to do it several times and I have had it done to me several times and to be perfectly frank, it isn't easy to cope with. But one goes on and with luck you will find someone more suited to you. Talk to her while taking a walk, or riding in the car. Don't do it in a restaurant or other public place where she is liable to cry.

Answer 3

There's a chance you're getting nervous about your upcoming wedding, and, maybe, you're looking a little harder at her faults than you did before.

After 5 years you can walk away. You're not married, and you didn't mention if you had kids or not... but if you're both technically single, and you really feel like this isn't going to work, then deal with the discomfort for a while, but move on.

What makes more sense: staying together for a lifetime and being unhappy because you've "invested" time into it; or, take the pain and go on with your life?

I'm not saying stay, and I'm not saying leave... I don't know enough about the situation based on what you wrote.

I'm saying: think about what's behind this sudden revelation. Has it been building up gradually? Why are you suddenly thinking about it? Could it be that you're about to commit to someone -- one person --- for life?

How are you feeling about yourself these days? Could you be projecting your own insecurities onto her, essentially blaming her for your own unhappiness?

Just some ideas to get you thinking... ;-)

Answer 4

Well, you're right...it's not easy to just walk away especially after that much time. Of course, you could begin to slowly back away...or...

you could just sit her down and tell her that you have felt for some time that the two of you don't seem to be as close as you once were. Tell her you feel that perhaps it's time for the two of you to take a time out, and re-evaluate your relationship and your goals, before taking it to the next and most important step...marriage.

Let her know that for you, marriage is a lifetime committment and that you take it seriously. Tell her that before you take that final step, you want to be absolutely sure that the two of you are right for one another...and that you're not just doing it for yourself, but for her as well. If she truly cares about you and the relationship that the two of you share, she will understand your reasons for making this suggestion.
She will see the wisdom in it,
and will be agreeable.

If she is more concerned with just her feelings, she will respond accordingly...and that may not be pretty.

I truly believe that how she responds is going to tell you whether you should continue in your relationship or not.

I really wish you the best of luck*

Answer 5

yes you can walk away. do you have any ties to her like children. well i say you are young and why would you like to spend the rest of your life with someone who you are no long of interest to. five years is not a lot when you are talking about the rest of your life. try talking with her. can you find some way to rekindle it. i say the longer the engagement has to go on the more likely it will not happen. i have been married for 11 years and i cant see myself with anyone else. we build a solid relationship. one day you see what i mean.

Answer 6

Walk away.

You can do it.
You will be Spending you life with a not so beautiful on the inside life partner if you don’t . Are you really willing to do that much damage to you soul?

Answer 7

yes you can walk away. That is what I thought to. But trust me you will have wished you walked away after 10 years. If you don't like who your woman is on the inside then that is all you can do because you are not going to change her. And soon what is on the inside will be all you have left because that body is about to fall apart. Please believe it

Answer 8

Why waste more time?

Also the fact is that even if she is not as kindhearted as you would like, or whatever the problem is, even if she is the cruelest person on earth, she is still a person. She deserves to be loved by her husband, and if you can't give that to her, you should not become her husband.

Answer 9

Tell her that be honest with her that shes not the same person you fell in love with....she will either accept it or not.....how will she know how you feel if you dont tell her.....in the end she would rather hear it from you than someone else.....be brave and good luck

Answer 10

Can you consider couples counselling? What about the person who is going to be performing your ceremony? Many priests/ministers etc require couples counselling before they perform the ceremony.