can someone tell me why he....????

Question

My x left 7 weeks ago, he e-mails me ... sometimes sounds like he wants to come back.. but hasn't. My car broke down and I had to get my daughters boyfriend to take me to work. He was told I was with someone else early in the a.m. so he e-mailed me back thinking I have moved on and that I have let someone spend the night at my house. Basicly wigging out that I was with someone else.. saying He will always love me and he hopes I am happy with whoever,... but then he adds... Maybe someday our paths will cross and things will be different, never forget the good we shared. WHAT THE HECK???? Is he wanting to come back? Is he just being selfish? wanting to do his thing...but not wanting me to be with anyone? I think he thinks I will wait for him forever..and as soon as he thought I had moved on he panics? I told him if he was going to come back to do it now,..if not let me go. I really love him. I know that i shouldn't after the way he has been. What should I expect? What2do?dont want 2letgo

Answer 1

I think your intuition is very much on target.

The first thing you have to remember is that people can say anything they want to keep you under their thumb - it is what they DO that matters. So put all of his words on the shelf for a minute. Lock the box. Now let's analyze his actions, because they speak volumes.

He left you. HE left YOU. So there's nothing you can do about this situation - it is out of your hands. And odds are he feels guilty about leaving you, which is why he keeps in contact. He loves you and cares about you, but let's remember that he left. Actions.

It's common when people split up that they have buyer's remorse. They look back and wonder if they made the right decision. And by keeping you open as an option, he's hedging his bets. He knows that if you find someone else, you will no longer be an option. Which is precisely why he freaks out at the thought. And yet, again, he left YOU.

Honestly, it's better that you do find someone else. And the sooner the better. If he wanted to be with you the way you deserve someone who wants to be with you, then he would still be with you. The fact is, there are a lot of men in this world and plenty who would love to be with you. This guy is not one. And the worst part is that he can't bear the thought of you finding anyone to replace him. It would be a blow to his ego were that ever to happen.

All of this said - I completely understand the feeling that you're not ready to let go. How could you be? You have deep feelings for this guy. If you want him back, you cannot be available. If he knows you are available, he knows he has you as an option. You see how he reacted when he thought you had moved on. He freaked out! Let him think a little about what he really wants. Let his mind wander. Lay off the contact. Don't give him any details about your personal life. And don't tell him how much you miss him. He'll come around.

We always do.

Answer 2

The truth is ...your ex doesn't really know what he wants...except for the fact that he seems to want to 'have his cake and eat it too'.

I know that you love him, and how hard it must be for you to let go. However, if he was planning on coming back, I believe he would have already done so. The truth is that warm fuzzy memories of the past are cold comfort in the harsh reality of day. There's a reason or reasons why the two of you are no longer together as a couple. So, instead of focusing on what 'once was', direct your energy towards what 'is now'. This is what you are going to need to do to help get yourself through this emotionally painful situation.

And the person that needs to do the letting go is YOU...not him. Otherwise, you will never be able to move forward to what 'could be' if you don't.

Good Luck*

Answer 3

YOU, and only you, must find this out.

Call him on the phone. Talk to him. Quote back to him everything you wrote before the "WHAT THE HECK?" above. These are very significant things. Ask HIM what they mean. If he owns up to them - boom!, you're ready for a decision. But ...

Now, you are at the crossroads. Was he ever open emotionally with you before? Is he the kind of guy that can talk about his feelings, or is he scared of them? If he can't own up to them, but doesn't deny them, that's a problem. Tell him: "look, here's what I think (that you still like me and want to be with me), but I can not, I will not take that step until you tell me those things yourself. I can't do the work for you. Perhaps you should see a therapist to help you formulate and express your feelings."

Don't say anymore. Do NOT give him a time. Give him like a month in your own mind (one cycle of the moon). If he can get it together and say it - great. If not, then move on.

Good luck ...

.

Answer 4

Most important I must say that as long as your mind is clear thats nothing for you to be afraid of. It is obvious that your ex has delibrately trying to hook up some stories to make you guilty just like him. It doesnt really matter whether you were or not with someone out there afterall I believe you are seperated and you have your desire and freedom. The important factor is whether are you still willing to accept him after all the issues that had happened? Have you forgiven him and are you prepare to start over a new fresh with him or you want to lead a new single life... It is now your choice as i believe your grown up daughters will understand and accept your decision. Past is no longer an issue as long as if you are willing to overcome and look forward to tomorrows!

Answer 5

I agree with ayntk he hit things right on the head. Though on different view. Make sure you know what you are doing when you jump into another relationship, if that's what you do, as he might see it as you have moved on and no longer an option and in turn then move on himself. He is going to go through allot of emotions, loneliness, sadness, anger, desperation and possibly suicide all as a ploy for you to remain with him emotionally but not physically. How do I know this my soon to be ex did this when we split the first time. The old saying always stands, what ever he did before he left you, he will do again [leopards never change their spots]. My suggestion to you is limit the communication you have with him, let him find himself again as you should find yourself again.

good luck!!

Answer 6

Sounds to me he doesnt know what he wants.. he doesnt want to be with u , but then doesnt want anyone else to be with you either.. or perhaps he hasnt found anyone yet and the thought of you finding someone else before he did pissed him off.. Maybe the thought of another man being with u triggered an emotion that he didnt even realize he had. Who really knows.. he's being a mental case at the moment.. time to just say "Hey this is what u wanted , this is what you got" and just dont explain anything to him.. him not knowing whats going on is going to kill him more then hearing u have good excuses for what he's mentally assuming.. if u want him back, id act as if he can assume anything he wants but u dont have to answer to him anymore.. that will really tick him off.. most people men and women cant stand watching their ex's moving on and being happy.. dont give him answers he's not Participating as your husband anymore, if he wants answers on your where abouts or who ur with or what your doing tell him to get back on the band wagon, if not.. tuff, ur personal life is none of his business anymore..

Answer 7

if he really wanted to be with you, he would. that's the thing about men: they're not that complicated... they go after what they want. what sucks is sometimes after they get it, they have no qualms about throwing it away, even if it's a great thing. women are completely different: no matter how bad or hard things get, once they are in love they are much more willling to work things out and still love someone, regardless of what's happened in the past. be careful with who you're with, and make sure that person takes care of you and truly loves you... you will know because they will make you feel so SECURE, they satisfy and fulfill all your wants and needs physically and emotionally, and you won't have any doubts even when you are working out problems because the communication is there. that's when you have found a great person. you don't want to let go, but he's willing to let you go. dont' let someone treat you like that, you are worth so much more....

Answer 8

Yes,someone can tell you why he....????!!HE can.You are getting mixed signals from him,or so you think.HE LEFT YOU!!!What aren't you getting.I know what it is...you still love him and want him,but if he wanted you,he'd be there.I'm so sorry to have to tell you this hard but your not opening your eyes.He wants you to be miserable like him.Yes,he's sad.He just left you.He misses you.It's normal to feel that way.However,you can miss him and love him with all of your heart,but it dosne' change the fact that he is gone,has hurt you,and it didn't work.IT DIDN'T WORK!!!Honey,go on.Be happy.DO not let him see you down and sad.You deserve better.You deserve to be happy.You will never have that with him if he is the kind of "man"(and I use that word loosley)to make you feel this way and keep making you think that things can get back to the way it was.Go slow and be careful,but get back out there.Just hang with the girls,get out,have some fun(w/o a man).Know that you are special and can get a real man,who will be the man that he needs to be to be with you.Let him be.Let him be another woman's problem.Let him GO!!

Answer 9

Hind sight is 20/20 unless it involves matters of the heart. We seem to only remember the good times we have had with those we have let go, and easily forget the reasons we let go in the first place. Do you really love him, or just miss the times you had together? The only one who knows what to do is you. No one else is going to know the relationship the way you do, the good and the bad. But, if you really don't know what to do......if you aren't 100% sure .....that should help you make your decision ;-). Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like he is just being a selfish, jealous, insecure guy. He doesn't want to be with you but yet he doesn't want you to be with anybody else. He obviously thinks you will hang around crying over him. Don't give him the satisfaction go out have a life.