Boyfriend's weight... What should I do?

Question

I love my bf w/all my heart. I'm not any less attracted to him physically then when he was 50 lbs less a year ago. However, my bf is overweight, wants to loose the weight, knows how to loose the weight, but won't loose the weight. I'm extremely supportive & started working out myself, to help lead by example, but nothing I do or say gets him motivated. I have tried butting out, expressing my concerns about his health, & I've tried telling him what to eat and what not to eat. I wanna help him do this, I want to be supportive, but nothing I do seems to work. What should I do?

Here's some more info on the situation... I did have an important talk with him. So important it made us both cry. Also, when we were younger & "just friends" he was in great physical shape! He was into sports, running, & the like.

His appearance doesn't bother me. I love my man, big or little. I'm proud to be w/him, & I'm not ashamed of him. I'm worried about his health. He isn't meant to be rail thin. He isn't build to be skinny. But nobody is built to be overweight. He eats too much & excercises too little. He is slowly killing himself, & I hate to see him doing this to himself.

I want to help him get healthy. I don't want him skinny, I don't want him buff, I just want him healthy.

Answer 1

From personal experience the most I can tell you to tell him is that if he can just find the will power to get started and really want to change his life in this respect then it gets a whole lot easier when you start to see and feel the results. I know what he's going through and it's the same inner debate over and over which is "it's going to be too hard and i'd have to give up so much." Again, all I could tell him from experience is that it's not true and you don't have to give up all the things you like to lose it and keep it off. One thing I will say for sure, the most successful way to lose weight and keep it off is (1) a fast results producing motivational factor and (2) having made the honest choice before starting that if you could see those quick results you would go the distance from there using your own will power more. If you can't make that promise to yourself and know you can keep it then even what I'm suggesting would be a failure. YOU have to want to do it. In July of 2005 I was at 218-lbs. By the middle of August after a 2-week high protien diet I was at 199-lbs. I included brisk walking 3 miles a day for the first 6 weeks and after the diet I just used common sense. I used to drink a gallon of sweet tea a day, now its water and coffee with sweetner. I eat what I want, drink beer and sometimes way more than I should and I'm not afraid of ice cream or sweets. It's been a year and no other diets than the original 2 weeks but I walk 5-miles a day now. I've stayed between 185-187 lbs since February of this year and even being a smoker, I'm never out of breath after 5-miles and I can get that done in less than 35 minutes. So, thats my story and Im sticking to it and if you'd like to know about the diet, just holler. If he's tough and wants to lose it, he can do it.

Answer 2

You know, it's because of women like you that men all over the country are starving themselves and sticking their fingers down their throats in the hopeless pursuit of some 'ideal'. Are you dating a body or a mind?

The above is the response a man would probably get if he posted with a similar problem about his girlfriend. And it's nonsense either way. You're dating a body AND a mind. It's one thing if you've been married for forty years and the inevitable process of aging has taken its toll. But if he's gained fifty pounds in a year, then he doesn't care enough about you to maintain himself, and he doesn't respect himself enough to stay healthy.

I would buy him a copy of the Abs Diet by David Zinczenko (I think that's how you spell it). It's like the South Beach Diet but tailored more for guys, especially with boosting testosterone production, which is a natural fat burner. It's really easy and you're never hungry or anything because you can still eat most of the foods you like. Offer him additional incentives in the form of sex if he goes on the diet (maybe there's something kinda freaky he's been pushing for but you're reluctant to do?).

That's the carrot, now for the stick. Basically you have to hand him an ultimatum: lose some weight or I'm dumping your fat ***. If you've provided him with the additional incentives to lose weight and he still refuses, then you should show that guy the bin and never look back. It won't mean you're shallow, no matter what anyone else says. It will mean you know what you deserve and you're not afraid to demand it.

Answer 3

Don't ever starve yourself. Starving yourself isn't the answer, trust me, I've starved myself before and I to had problems. You are worth more than that. Your boyfriend shouldn't have said that in front of his friends, or at all for that matter. I'm not saying to breakup with him, but you should definitely talk to him and tell him how that made you feel, if he really cares for you then he'll understand and won't tell you to lose more weight. And if you want to lose weight then do it the healthy way. Go to the gym eat healthy and don't starve yourself! You don't even have to go to the gym, just find a video online to do if you don't want to leave home. But honestly you don't need to change because of what other people say or tell you to, make sure YOU want to do it for yourself not for him or anyone else. You honestly sound slim from the details you gave so I don't think you need to lose weight. If you want to then okay do it, but please do it the healthy way and don't starve yourself. It's ultimately up to you. I would talk 2 your bf first and tell him how that made you feel, and then go on from there. And this is really long because I'm tryin to say that people care about you and being skinny and starving yourself isn't the answer. People should love you for you, not what they make of you. :)

Answer 4

Here's the thing: if he's gonna do it it has to be for himself first. If he does it solely for you he may see you as the problem. Losing weight for men is tough. If he's younger, give him a bit more time and continure to lead by example. If he's in his 40's or later, it's more dire.

You can push harder when you are married. Keep telling him you love him at whatever size, but you don't want your time cut short.

Good luck.

Answer 5

If he thinks he has to lose 50 pounds he may get disappointed and not want to try. If you do incentives he may be more likely to get in better shape. Like every 5 pounds he loses and keeps off, he gets a round of marathon sex or something.

Answer 6

maybe he has a depression problem to put on 50 lbs in one year is quite a bit when was the last time he was to the doctor maybe have his thyroid checked all you can do is stay supportive and keep encouraging him. good luck

Answer 7

you just need to back off and realize that as we get older out metabolism slows down so we gain weight easier. i don't think being 50lbs overweight is bad for a man. if you don't like him the way he is i'm sure someone else will.

Answer 8

He will only do it when he really wants to. It will do no good for you to try and talk him into it. I hate to say it, but the most motivation you could give him is probably to threaten to leave.

Answer 9

do you go grocery shopping or does he? start doing it if he does it and only buy healthy snacks, pack his lunches, ect..
MAKE him go on a run with you. give him incentive: say "if you go on a jog with me when we get home lets go take a shower together and see where that takes us"
yea its kinda playing unfair but hey, you gotta give the guy a reason to go jogging! healthwise isnt working apparently.

good luck!

Answer 10

OKAY, WANT A REALITY CHECK?! I LOST A GREAT FRIEND A FEW MONTHS BACK DUE TO HIS LOVE OF FOODS! HE DIED AT 635 LBS!! I STILL MISS HIM AND AM SURE THAT HIS WIFE AND SON MISS HIM MORE!!!

PLEASE BE CAREFULL OF JUST HOW BIG IT IS YOU GET TO BE!!