My wife is very dependent on having all of my attention all the time. We spend 24/7 with each other when not at work. I would like to have friends other than her that I can hang out with, but she doesn't want me to. This really isn't fair, as I am quite the opposite, always allowing her freedom to hang out with her friends... I even told her if she wanted to see other men I was okay with it (but she would never do this). I think it all started when we began to see one another 11 years ago. I dropped my friends for my girlfriend, and I just became whipped. Has anyone ever broken the whip successfully, and if so how on earth do you do it? She would NEVER be okay with me having female friends, not even ones I just talk with, let alone hang out with. But more importantly, I just want to be able to go out with the guys for a beer! Help?
2006-07-13 15:03:57 · 17 answers · asked by a_red_wine_guy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel sorry for you, I think a relationship is not just together all the time, If I made my husband stay with me every second around me we would end up killin eachother, I love bein with him all the time but theres a limit before you just get sick of it, it sounds like she doesnt trust you more than anythin, I think you just need to tell her you love her but if you dont start gettin out more with the guys its not gonna work between you both, tell her how you feel if she doesnt understand then maybe its not all love and control she enjoys, I hope you can figure this out and get a breath, sounds over due!!!!!
2006-07-13 15:17:43 · answer #1 · answered by BRIAN J R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. I'm kinda like that with my wife. I mean, I'M the one that's 24/7 dependent. Married for 25 years. She's adjusted but there was some give and take. If it's any help, over the years you get more secure about one's love and commitment to the other, so my wife feels a lot more "free" now than 10 years ago. Indeed, she has a huge amount of control in the relationship. I think time will tell, for you. I agree with your point of view, by the way, but it's hard to change one's apprehensions. Fear sucks.
2006-07-13 15:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is classic codependancy, my suggestion to you is to sit down with your wife and just have an open, honest talk with her about how you feel. I know this as I was in a relationship where my ex would have to be with me 24/7 and have to know where I was going, where I have been , if I actually got away from him. It makes the relationship weird. You both need outside interests, maybe find out what she would like to do? I hope you can do this and do not leave it too long because then you start to build up resentments and that leads to heart break. Good luck, let me know how it turns out. Aydra
2006-07-13 15:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by Aydra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, you put yourself in this one real easy. She's going to have a problem regardless to when you start your hanging out with the guys, so it's up to you on when to start. You probably are referring to the guys on the job, and one of the evenings you just go with them for that beer and call her to let her know where you are just having a beer. Don't lie to her, if you lie once it won't stop and will end up in the worst way. You can forget the females like you said, because it's rare that men can have them as friends without going into a deeper thought for the relationship. At least you are trying to do this without causing a breakup of your marriage, and she should appreciate this.
2006-07-13 15:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good God, so many ignorant people! First of all, you need to communicate... this is the first step. I am sure that you will say, " But oh my God, I have told her in so many ways!" obviously dude, she cant see it or hasnt heard you right. You need to say, " I love you but I am building resentments towards you and I need a chance to get out with my friends for awhile. Do you like to do anything other then drinking or trying to hang out with women? Do you like to shoot? For example, ask her who she feels comfortable with you hanging around. Your married now, and your first obligation is your wife. Get other married friends, and having single friends of the opposite sex, is just dangerous period! No matter what the " NEW SOCIAL DEAL" is... it never works. Get involved the both of you with other married couples. Have a BBQ... and then just disappear with the man for an hour or so... then gradually work it up to fishing or something clean. DONT PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN DANGER!!!! Ask yourself this question, would you choose your friends over your wife? If no, then do it the right way that is ok with both of you. Your wife has trust issues and I would suggest you working through them slowly. I did the same thing to my husband and this is what he did with me. Finally, after awhile... I trusted him.
2006-07-13 15:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by JOAN L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I second the once a month thing to start out with.
Pick a day every month that is just for you and the guys.
Plus say you pay for her to go to the salon or mall?
Or get a manicure or a spa treatment. Reward her
and get her a gift she can be enjoying while you
are out. Have a love note sent to her while she is
there! Plus you are out having fun-double points
for you. I dont know any woman who would turn
a deal like this down. Also remind her of how
much it means to you after the point.
Do this and see if it works!
Good luck
2006-07-13 15:27:13 · answer #6 · answered by roman_surf_goddess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have a wife who does not trust you.Why don't you invite a few male friends and their wives over for dinner or lunch on the weekend,get her to meet their wives and them,that way maybe she will enjoy the other wives and then you can get the other guys to plan that the girls all go out together,the boys to gather,and start with meeting up latter some were with the girls,slowly change it as she get more comfortable with the situation
2006-07-13 15:16:13 · answer #7 · answered by Along road to hoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her. I might sound like I am going off the deep end here, but I have seen this type of situation ruin marriages. You both need your space and without that, you are going to feel smothered and that could lead to you going in the opposite direction completely. Be honest, but firm.
2006-07-13 15:12:36 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.King 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh what a problem you have... a wife that wants to spend time with her husband!!! Shame on her. If you want to hang out with your friends at the bar and have a beer, just do it. Sooner or latter she will get the message that you are don't want to be with her so much. She will either accept this or find someone who does. Then everyone will be happy.
2006-07-13 15:10:27 · answer #9 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd start with the guys, once a month, work your way into loosening the reigns, you are going to have to assure her this isn't going to change anything, encouraqge her to also do the same with her girl friends if possible, both of you will grow from these experiences outside of your marriage.
2006-07-13 15:07:27 · answer #10 · answered by 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋