Sad for John, who killed himself in 1996, and feeling guilty. Discuss:?

Question

John and I ran together when young, lots of drugs, booze, etc. I cleaned up and quit drinking in the late 80s, but John kept going. Last time I saw him was like 93 or 94, in a restaurant. I was with a group of clean friends. He was was with this girl with purple hair, looking pretty high. John and I made eye contact once, but never acknowledged each other that night. I know John like a brother, but I couldnt bring myself to approach him. A couple years later, he shot himself in the head. I often think of that night and wish I'd gone over to him and told him there was life after drugs. Maybe things would have been different.

Answer 1

I saw your email and almost could not write. My brother John, took his own life , in 1992, by gun, ---I have felt the same feelings and still miss him.. First, he is in heaven, people like that are suffering here and do not know what they are doing. My brother had deep depression which is a medical condition..Thru the years I have prayed and believe it or not I get little messages from him.. Just send him a prayer and remember at least you feel something. some people don't care// FOR PEOPLE OUT THERE that think suicides want to die, they do not, they are in a lot of pain..you might be in the same situation some day...and let God have mercy onyour soul... Yours in Christ... Jude

Answer 2

I know it hurts to see a friend do that to themselves but he had other issues than just boozing and drugs. Some things can`t be explained and you can`t hold on to your guilt because you didn`t take the time to talk to him. He could have made an effort also but did he? Look at this way would he be doing this to himself if the shoe was on the other foot? Live your life dude and live your life to the fullest and live some for John also. He would do the same for you I bet!! Make a difference in life and make him proud of you the way you do it!! Good luck and hang in there. He wouldn`t want you to linger on this!!

Answer 3

I think we all tend to blame ourselves when something like this happens and the sad truth is that John was on a path that was going to be difficult to get him off of. The best thing you can do is remember that day and treat people well and make the most of your life. It sounds sappy but I think we should always try to treat those we meet and those we've known with kindness and try to treat them in a way that we would have nothing to regret if we never saw them again. Still know that it's natural to feel as you do about John and do your best now to lead a good life with memories of the good parts of him. But also don't be hard on yourself because most people in John's position have to want to be turned around and as you well know that comes from within and so John would have had to want to change his life himself.

Answer 4

I'm guessing if he'd been doing drugs for that long you probably couldn't have convinced him, especially just by a conversation one night while he's high. And, he'd probably just have tried to act all macho and too good for you, because of his high and being with the purple girl. Either way, don't feel guilty, because this had nothing to do with you. You can either spend your life feeling guilty over something that you don't even know if you could have changed, or get over it and live your life. Good luck and God bless

Answer 5

Please don't feel guilty. It is very sad that John took this path and could not rise above it. He would not have listened to you, especially in the condition he was in that night in the restaurant. Since he was with a girl, he may have been embarassed and it could have gotten ugly. I am so pleased that you cleaned up and found a better life. Many blessings.

Answer 6

Well, honestly it was his own fault, I'm sure he had parents and people telling him stuff, and he probably never listened, he chose that life for himself, and it didn't end well. It wasn't in any way your fault, so you don't need to feel guilty about it.

On the flip side, there are lots of people like that that need help, and if you go out and help people you might be able to make a difference in their life and help them avoid a sad life with a harsh end. If you keep feeling bad about it, just use it to motivate you, not to hinder you and keep you bogged down with needless guilt. :)

Answer 7

You can't blame yourself. when somone makes up theyre mind that they wanna go. theyre gonna go wether or not you tried to step in. i dont think that you trying to help him would have made a difference. he saw you and how happy you were but it must have not went through his head that you were that way because you werent on drugs. most likey the personal problems that got him into the drugs were the same things that made him decide that there was no way out. trust me, you really can't blame yourself for this.

Answer 8

well sorry for your loss but don't blame yourself.you can't make a person change...like you said he was high he would not have listened...you could make your self crazy with the what ifs......he must have been in a lot of pain to think that was the only way out...keep in mind that he is not suffering any more...
You now need to live life to the fullest for the both of you...and thank god you found your way out... good luck...

Answer 9

Please do not feel guilty about this. Understandably you will miss him and that is human but even if you did approach him it may have not made a difference at all. Especially when you are dealing with people who are on drugs. However I do know what its like to lose someone through suicide. It is a hard thing to get over. Please do not beat yourself up about it..............

Answer 10

he knew there was a life after drugs, i guess he didn't think it was a good choice...i'm glad you cleaned up and quit....don't feel guilty about it....i think everyone who does drugs and smokes knows it isn't good for them...he made the choice.....i'm sorry for your loss...