My daughter has refused to have a relationship with me since my wife and I separated 6 years ago (divorced 2 years). I have a reasonable relationship with my youngest daughter and my oldest son. We had a wonderful conversation a month ago but afterward she let me know she didn't want to talk to me anymore bc I had advised her on something during the conversation and she didn't want my advice. I can't get her to talk to me even to talk about what the problem is. I have a sense that she looks for problems and keeps a list of grudges. She is very close to my exwife with all kinds of loveydovey girly stuff between them. Too close in my opinion.
Over the past 6 years the relationship has moved between cordial (she will say hello, acknowledge my presence) to downright rude and obnoxious.
The strange thing is that this girl is the most like me in my family: fun loving, artistic, outgoing, enthusiastic, etc. I love her so much.
2006-07-13 13:34:57 · 10 answers · asked by Daniel B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Give me her e-mail address. Don't worry, I'm not after your daughter, I'm just good at convincing people to do stuff. I think what you should seriously do is find out(probably from your ex wife) what is important to your daughter, and take an interest, but DO NOT try telling her how to live her life...I'm 17 too and it's a very bad time for people to tell me what to do as well. Seriously get her to e-mail me and I'll do my best to get you back into her good graces. Hey, at least you care enough to try, a lot of dads don't give a ****.
2006-07-13 13:42:13 · answer #1 · answered by Pyromaniac 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
She is just 17! Think back to how you understood your parents
at 17. She's just hurt about the whole divorce-situation. She missed you all the days and nights you were not there and when she's rude and obnoxious it is becuase she's hurt. Try to look at it just in an emotional and not logical way. Maybe she feels like you don't have any right to give her advice since you've not been a part of her everyday life for so long. If you really want a relationship with her, just love her and forgive her and don't expect her to understand you. She looks and acts mature, but she's still mostly that little girl. To her you are the grown-up; the father, the man. She's so young she doesn't understand that you can also get hurt and feel insecure..Don't accept her rejection. She wants you to still contact her, it's just so emotional..Maybe she also feels loving you back would break loyalty with her mother? She might feel afraid or guilty if she's excited and enjoy time with you; but if you're not giving up, she has "an excuse" to meet you, because "she has to".
So, keep loving her and ask her to do things with you! Be open and show her you love her and really miss her and would like to be in contact with her!
Never speak negatively about her mother or try to defend yourself. (even if you would feel it right to do so)
No matter what she says or does, she really just want you to love her and never give up! Trust me on this one; I know from personal experience. Good luck!!
2006-07-14 10:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by ayla_sim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation happen to me with my daughter a couple of years ago and the more you show them you care the less respect you get. She is at the age where mommy is her friend and your the bad guy. Now when mommy upsets her she`ll be calling you. That`s what happened in my situation so I call her once a week now and let her know if she needs me to call but I don`t make an effort too much because it annoys her. But i find if you let her know you`ll be there for her when she needs you she`ll come around. I talk to my daughter now at least 3 times a week and I found out that her mother was putting crap in her head. But now she sees threw her mom and we have a better relationship. I have a friend going threw the same thing you are and you just gotta give them there space but let them know your still there for them., Hang in there she will come around!!
2006-07-13 13:45:03 · answer #3 · answered by bren_jim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
E-mail her, just tell her what you're up to, text her to ask her if she had a good day, maybe write her a letter (but only once), hope that your relationship will get better in the future. Attend graduation ceremonies etc, make sure (if it is legal) that you are sent her school reports and letters (most schools will send out copies to both parents if they have split up), parents evenings.
Don't: Buy her presents to make her talk to you, nag at her.
Can you talk to your ex about the way your daughter is behaving, (don't say that you think they are too close tho :)), say that you think your divorce is having a long-term affect on your daughter and as you both love and care about her you want to sort it out, maybe suggest going to see a mediator together (you and ex-wife).
Remember she is a teen and perhaps see's you as the bad guy, I have a bad habit of remembering all the bad things people do too and it took me ages to realise my dad had plus points too!
2006-07-13 13:44:05 · answer #4 · answered by stickybroom100 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to realize that's a hard age, your body is changing and your humor too, so she can change her mind anytime.
The only thing that I can tell you is that if she's smart she'll eventually realize the great effort you are making to be part of her life. It's great that a father wants to be involved in the life of any child of him. Keep on trying and don't give up...you'll have your chance to talk with her when you least expect it.
Good Luck man!
2006-07-13 16:28:38 · answer #5 · answered by M.A.G. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What were the circumstances of the breakup? Your daughter is probably still hurt about it. A divorce is a hard thing to repair....
2006-07-13 13:40:57 · answer #6 · answered by buddhasmash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe take her somewhere...to the art museum where you *both* are on common ground. Start a conversation about what you are looking at, discuss it, maybe even argue about it. Start somewhere small and work your way up.
2006-07-13 13:44:09 · answer #7 · answered by PrincipessaLHO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let her know u luv her eventually she'll mature enough and realize she luvs u to let her grow out of it at this age a girl just wants space.
2006-07-13 13:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by catiegraham 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time. you can't force someone to love you. if she doesn't come around, it will forever be her loss. never stop loving. hopefully she will see. good luck.
2006-07-13 13:40:42 · answer #9 · answered by Alone in a crowd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not being mean but,if you buy her a car she will love you...seriously...
2006-07-13 13:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋