I know that I really love him but a lot of the time I feel like he is putting me down but when he is nice and sweet hes the best but a lot of the time I am saying i'm sorry but I know I should not have to but it will only keep him quite and then the fighting will stop I dont know if things are going to get better or just worse with him and I dont want to keep going on with him if nothing changes and I can not talk to him about much of my problems cause he just turns it on me and then i feel like an "asshole" for even saying any thing and I just dont know what to do any more my be some one out there can help me ?????????????????????????????????????
2006-07-13 12:29:42 · 17 answers · asked by jenfurbug20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Youre best best bet is to call it quits before you lose all your dignity and respect. It sounds like marriage isnt what he expected it to be and is now "stuck". No husband should treat his wife this way and you have every right to expect more from him.I wish I could tell everyone out there some magical word to save their marriages but I cant, so I just give advice. Yours sounds like it is the beginning of a huge disaster coming and nothing more can be gained by staying in it . Time has come for your to move on, get a divorce and find someone new that will treat you like a woman with respect and love and dignity. One who will compliment you not take you down to his level. If I can be of more assistance, email me and good luck
2006-07-13 12:43:55 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where were you when the courting was going on...surely you saw evidence of his controlling nature. Did you think it would change miraculously? He is trying to put you under his thumb, step by step. He will soon begin to segregate you from your friends, then your family...he will pick fights with each member, then be hateful to you when you do not want to join into the fray he has created...he will accuse you of being disloyal to him for not backing him up in the fights...which will occur more and more often. Then, he will go to work on your self confidence...he will soon have you convinced that you cannot live without him and his telling you every step to take. He will get angry over nothing to reduce you to tears, then be "an angel" with the "I'm so sorry" crap, only to turn around and start it up again. Honey, you have a sorry road to hoe. You have my sympathy. There will come a time when you are unable to leave, for you life will be in fear. If it grows, he will become a physical abuser...I hope it does not come to that, but that is the pattern he is setting up. He must be extremely insecure in who and what he is. Yuk! I have been around enough of those people in my life to last an eternity. The best to you.
2006-07-13 19:41:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down and don't worry about it. You can't control your husband. You admit that you do love him, so be encouraged by that. You say that he can be nice and sweet, so think of him that way. When he's not nice, don't lose your temper, and don't blame yourself for trying to talk to him about the problems. Communicating is the correct way to work things out in marriage. How does he communicate best? Find the best time to talk to him, or write to him, or just get through to him somehow. Chances are, he could be feeling guilty and frustrated about the fighting, too. If you two can find a way to work things out together, that would be best. If a third person has to come in (marriage counselor, maybe), that might work too. Marriage is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever encounter. Love and respect and a lot of prayer can get you over the bumpy spots.
2006-07-13 19:51:56 · answer #3 · answered by AJK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just my view but...from what you've said my ex was the same. I thought things would be better once thing were made formal. they didn't.We moved interstate and as soon as i was away from friends and family he totally changed. no more mr nice guy. He'd been holding back all those years i realised. he went from nice to nasty to downright abusive. fractured ribs, chipped teeth and a dislocated jaw later, i left him and i've never looked back. I thought he would be the one when i was young but now i realise i was only HOPING he was the one.
I have a new man, and he and i are now deleriously happy together and it may have something to do with the fact that he's also my best friend.
thats something that was missing in my previous relationship. He didn't see me as a friend, just an accessory that talked.
Don't feel bad. you're better than that. relationships are supposed to be based on love, friendship and trust. if you don't have that, in all honesty, what do you have?
2006-07-13 20:23:31 · answer #4 · answered by _A_ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first, since you are saying you love him... and hopefully he loves you too, you should try counseling first. Don't throw in the towel and just become a statistic.
Marriage is HARD!!! And the beginning is really tough, as you are adjusting to living together, and there can be feelings of "loss" for your independence, as you learn to become a team, instead of 2 people. He might be experiencing this a little harder than you and not dealing with it well. And because you are there are the end of the day, you might be getting the lion's share of any stress he is dealing with all day long.
Please seek counseling to understand where the frustration is coming from.It is worth a try!! and it might really make things wonderful for you!
2006-07-13 19:42:06 · answer #5 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leaving want solve anything, You say you LOVE HIM so you need to Pray and remember that what makes a marriage is TRUST & COMMUNICATION, not to augue or fight but wait until he is in a good mood & you as well and just start out chatting calmly manner low voice tone and Remember 1Corinthians 13:4-8, Hope it works out for ya, Mean time you two may want to go too marrage couseling. Or talk with a Priest. BUT FIRST TRY TO WORK IT OUT, DON'T JUST GIVE UP THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT WORK, YOU GET OUT OF IT WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT.
2006-07-13 19:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by sweettoni37 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the hell out of dodge! You could do better! You can't let anyone put you down. They say they will change but 9 times out of 10 they will not. You should not have to say your sorry all the time. It goes both ways. I would say : LEAVE and find someone who will treat you better.
2006-07-13 19:50:40 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_patosie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make an appoinment for a marriage councelor for the both of you. Then tell him about it. If he refuses to go, go alone for the first time, but remind him alimony payments will be much more expensive in the long run.
good luck.
2006-07-13 19:35:13 · answer #8 · answered by **0_o** 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's the type of guy who deosn't care about your problems. personally, i couldn't deal with a guy like that. even though you love him you need to think on what you need. you need a guy who'll listen to you and help you with your problems. you need a guy who's great all the time and doesn't make you feel like an "asshole". it's really your decision, but think about yourself.
2006-07-13 19:37:30 · answer #9 · answered by illinios2hollywood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same thing..year after year...the put downs became abuse...mentally and physically...always walking on egg shells just to keep peace....a HORRIBLE way to live life...get a counselor and if he refuses then befor children are involved do something to help your life!!!...suddenly they years go by and u mearily exist..hiding in the shawdows of his abuse and anger...always making you feel like the guilty one...it is a form of self control..men like that are very very insecure with theirself and the only way they can feel good about theirself is to put their woman down....there are shelters to go to for help, women crises line..people who will help you...seek help girl and find your life while you still can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-13 19:45:36 · answer #10 · answered by swt_violet05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋