Remaining friends with an ex.....?

Question

So i just broke up with my boyfriend. We both want to be friends but agree it may take some time. He was a prick to me and kind of forced me to break up with him. This has been both of our first serious (1 year and was looking to the future) relationship. I still want to spend time together to kind of help eachother through it. He just wants 'time to heal'. Has anyone ever stayed friends with an ex and did you stop taling to eachother for a while or did you just change your label and spend less time together?

Answer 1

I'm experiencing something similar. I have no problem whatsoever being friends and actually hoped that we could be friends now... been over a year also.

To me, it just seems terrible to have spent 5 years of my life with someone whom I considered my best friend then to never speak to them again.

She doesn't agree. She says that part of her life is over and she has moved on to a new life with someone else now. I honestly feel like maybe she hasn't completely moved on or she wouldn't feel that way. I honestly wish her complete happiness with her new life but don't understand why we can't pick up the phone on like birthday's or something and say 'hi'.

I dunno but Good Luck with it.

Answer 2

We tried to just be friends right away, but it got complicated. We relied on each other too much and the sex never stopped. We stayed off and on without a title until it really broke down everything and we had to split for awhile. After not speaking for a length of time, we now are good friends and can hang out and spend time together without the "wierd" feelings. Be prepared to see each other date... that was hard at first. Just remember you broke up because it wasn't working. Good Luck

Answer 3

I'm still friends with my last ex... but I think it's because we got along really well but neither of us were really looking for anything serious when we started dating (we had both just gotten out of long term relationships)... but to only remain friends we went through a period of time where we only spoke on the phone and mostly e-mailed... we didn't really see each other... now we're at a point where we e-mail each other all day long and can see each other without falling into *the past*... I think to remain friends it has to have been a mutual breakup and not one where one of the parties still wants more.. and I think you also need that period to adjust to just being friends.. just not so long that you lose touch with each other completely...

Answer 4

So you stood up for yourself and don't want that aggravation. Good. Now stop and think, you are no longer in an intimate relationship with him. Instead, you'd like to have a friendship with him. This needs a period of adjustment and separation is it.

You both need to disassemble the relationship you had together and identify who each of you is individually. There is trauma (you still love him, you're angry, you hurt - he hurt you...) that has to be managed.

It's a bit like grieving - over the loss of the relationship. If you're in each other's company at this time, you'll only aggravate one another.

So give it and him time. Yes you can be just friends - I've managed it with some of mine.

Answer 5

5 years together and due to my job I had to leave the city we were living in. Neither of us wanted to break up but the strain of a distance relationship was just to much. It was hell for me. Went through at least 6 rebounds until I settled down and looked at what I was doing to myself. Very nearly drank myself to death once.

I would not recommend trying to comfort one another. Just makes for very difficult feelings and very awkward moments and adds to the pain. It truly does not allow a person to move on.

There was a poem or song don't really remember that went something like this:

If you love some one set them free
If they return to you it was meant to be.

There is more but I just can't remember it. Many months after we had gone our separate ways he gave the whole thing to me and I understood that he wanted to be friends But that we each had to go our own ways. For many years I held a torch for him but that was just painful.

30 years later -- we see and talk to one another once in a while and are friends. Took a long time to get over on both sides. We are both in stable relationships and are well grounded.

Think about the good in one another and in the relationship you had and after a few months begin to build a friendship based on mutual respect.

ps You are probably wondering if I would rekindle the relationship if we both became single? I don't really know. Maybe yes.

Answer 6

Space is needed at first, then slowly reenter each others lives...as friends. You know each other to a great extent and can be good allies. Don't throw away a friendship...these things are harder to find than lovers. The best of luck to you. You will find that the first two relationships teach much knowledge about yourselves, the third is usually the one that sticks if you are wise and have learned from the first two...very normal. Good luck

Answer 7

Well, that depends on if the break-up was a mutual agreement. Any time you break ties with someone, there's going to be pain so if you can deal with that and want to remain in contact, I say "why not?"

Now, my ex...if he was on fire and it only took one drop of my spit to put him out, I'd drown on that one drop of spit! He still calls me, the conversation is (on my behalf) insultingly, humorously sarcastic since I always find a way to bring whatever he's talking to the event that caused us to break up: his f%$#ing around. But I'm a bigger person now: 2 promotions, paid for the ride, got a house, been with my current LTR for 5 years, got his biz started...oh, I just love rubbing that in my ex's face. Yeah, I still feel some discomfort considering all that I did for that little mutha-f%^%er but revenge is best when it's self-served.

Answer 8

My first relationship was kind of rocky, when we broke up after almost a year we didn't talk for about 6 months after that, but then after time we started to talk and we still talk to this day, he is a good friend of mine and it has been almost 7 years since we broke up.


Good luck

Answer 9

Yes, I stayed friends with my original lover and my second lover -- my third .... well, it was very strained due to difficulties having nothing to do with the relationship itself, and we did not stay friends. My partner now is my partner, probably , period. With neither my first or second lover was there ever a "cooling down" period. In fact Scott and I are still very close friends though we rarely get together. He was always bi and is happily married these days.

Regards,

Reyn

Answer 10

You should try and stay friends, because you obviously had something important together, and it's hard to forget that relationship. If there's animosity between you two, try to work through it, but if he wants time to heal, you shouldn't push the friendship. Let him do his own thing, and he'll come to you when he's ready to be friends.