What Can I do ???

Question

Ive just found out Im about 3 months pregnant and Ive been with the dad for 7 months, we was using contraception but its obviously failed. I told the Lad just 3 hours after finding out. He wanted me to have an abortion because he isnt ready for another child. He does'nt want anything to do with the pregnancy but is prepared to support his child when its born, Will he come round to the idea and give the ralationship another go or do you think thats it. He says he still loves me. Is time all ive got ?? Do i wait for the initial shock to settle in then see what happens ?? PLEASE HELP !!!!

Answer 1

it sounds al ittle like you're depending on your baby to bring your man back...

but yeah, the shock should wear off...

good luck, i think you'll need it.

Answer 2

Firstly please don't listen to people who have moral/religious axes to grind and go on about abortion being "killing" a baby. Thats crap and its very unfair for them to force their views down your throat. It is nothing to do with them what you decide to do and they have no right to try to influence you or make you feel guilty.

That said I am 19 weeks pregnant and loving it. I can't wait until my baby is here. Being pregnant and having a child can be very rewarding.

A lot of how easy you find it will depend on what support network you have. My partner is really the main support I have and I couldn't do it without him but other women have support from family and friends to help them get through what is not always an easy time (I have had terrible sickness and my pregnancy has not been easy).

I would try not to bank on the father realy coming round. If he is going to be cowardly and selfish then thats just who he is and you and the baby are better off without him. If he's prepared to help with money etc when the baby is born great but try not to bank on having him there throughout your pregnancy if he is not able to make the committment. If he loved you he would want to be there for you.

Just leave him alone and try to get on as best you can with your pregnancy and your life. There is lots of support out there if you need it. If he does come round all well and good but don't waste your life waiting for him! You can do better and you have your baby to think about now.

Answer 3

Your situation sounds so much like mine. I am now 6 months pregnant, and the dad was the same way. He did NOT want a kid at all, and would yell, scream, and cuss at me cus I refused to get an abortion.
After a while he had to accept the fact that I would not do this. Then he went through a "I don't want to change my life/ I'm too young to do this" crap. Then he changed his mind after seeing ultrasounds of the little baby boy, and decided he wanted to know the baby after all.
However, I had to break it down to him. I had to tell him that I would not let him be a dad only when HE felt like it. He can't just be there when its convenient. He has to be tehre 100% or not at all.
Another thing is we broke up and got back together a few times. Now we are broke up, and honestly I don't want to get back with him, and I will not use the baby to make him be with me. Obviously he's not mature enough to handle it. So why should I bother even wasting my time?
If your boyfriend doesn't want the baby, and doesn't want you, its up to you to be the strong one and the mature one. YOU need to do what's right and best for you and your baby. How much good do you think it will be for the baby to have daddy in and out of both of your lives?? Both you and your boyfrind need to make up your minds NOW about what you're going to do. You either are going to stay together or not stay together. Choose now, and save all 3 of you the trouble.

Answer 4

I think you really could do without this stress at the moment. If you want the child then you'll find a way to get the help and support you need. It's best to concentrate on yourself and having a healthy pregnancy and baby. If your boyfriend loves you he will be there for you, if not then you will in time be more self sufficient because that little soul will be looking to you as the centre of its universe. It will be worth what ever you go through once you hold your child in your arms. God bless.

Answer 5

Here is part of what you asked
after finding out. He wanted me to have an abortion because he isnt ready for another child. He does'nt want anything to do with

He isn't ready for another child
SOUNDS LIKE he has already left someone with his child
Why would he want to stand by you too.
If he can leave one he can leave another and another and another and so on.
You have some serious thinking to do young lady,
So start by talking to the BEST FRIEND you have in the WHOLE WORLD
YOUR MAM
See what she says
No one will advise you better than HER
If you are like me and your mother is deceased then a close friend or someone else in the family you can trust
Best wishes for the future

Answer 6

There are no certainties in life im afraid, unplanned pregnancy is a bit of a shock for both of you, he may or may not change his mind, who can tell?

You need to look after yourself and your baby, and as hard as it may be, put him to the back of your mind, so that you can get your head around the whole pregnancy thing.

Wait for things to calm down, respect the fact that he wants his time out, but whatever you do, dont pressure him. Men have a tendancy to run a mile at pressure of this sort, leave him to sort himself out. If he calls, talk to him and be nice, but dont seem needy or clingy as this will probably push him away.

At the end of the day, he will always be the father of your child, its much easier to have a civil friendship than an antagonistic one, all you can really do is just take one day at a time and see how things go.

Talk to your mum/friend or whoever you are close to, as you do need someone to lean on through this, all the best,

lozzielaws xx

Answer 7

I think you need to decide what's most important to you - your boyfriend or your baby. If you don't think you'll be able to cope on your own, then perhaps it would be best if you don't keep the baby. Either have an abortion or give the baby back. I think if your bf feels that strongly about not having another child, he's unlikely to come back, and to be honest, if you want children and he doesn't, then you're better off without him. Keeping the baby and going it alone doesn't mean you're going to be on your own for the rest of your life. There are plenty of good men out there. Good luck. I'm here if you want to talk about it.

Answer 8

He will most likely come around, and when he actually sees the baby he will probably be totally smitten with her!

Please don't abort your child. She is depending on you, her mommy, for love and protection. At three months, your baby has a beating heart, recordable brain waves, and tiny fingers and toes. She can make a fist, suck her thumb, grasp an object placed in her palm, kick her feet, turn somersaults, get the hiccups, smile, frown, and even urinate! She can also feel pain. Please make sure you have all the facts:

Photos and Facts About Prenatal Development:
http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html
http://www.studentsforlife.uct.ac.za/foetal%20dev%20photos.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3847319.stm

Pain Perception in the Unborn:
http://www.advocatesfortheinnocent.com/fetalpain.html

Photos of Abortions:
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

A Four-Minute, Must-See Video on Abortion:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html

Information on All Aspects of Abortion:
http://Abort73.com

Abortion Risks:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp

Abortion Deaths:
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html

Free, Confidential Pregnancy Help (including referrals for financial, medical, legal, and housing assistance; free ultrasounds; free maternity and baby supplies; pregnancy, parenting, and adoption information; counseling and emotional support):
http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

You can do the right thing. This guy might be gone tomorrow or next year or in five years, but your baby is your baby forever. Do whatever it takes to protect your baby and yourself.

Answer 9

Hi, no one on this board can give you an answer. Phone a specialist organisation for info and support such as Marie Stoppes.

0845 300 80 90 or email: [e-mail]

They can talk you through the options and they won't push you to do anything you don't want to do. You need to consider all the options as this is a choice with huge implications whether you keep it or not.

Answer 10

wait for the shock to end. dont kill your baby because dad isnt ready. tell him dont commit the crime if you cant do the time. he will likely be ok and if the guy ends the relationship because you conceived a child TOGETHER then loose the dead weight take him to court once the baby is born and find a new man. many men dont mind kids.

Answer 11

I know you're scared and feeling a bit alone. But I think if you want this baby and you can give it the love it deserves then go for it. You'll be stronger than you think you are! Trust me, he'll come around when he sees that little bundle looking up at him. And at least he hasn't run away and you're lucky he's going to stand by the child.