What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

Question

I have a child in special education. In fact my child has been in the very same school for 13 years. This year makes 14. Anyway, Joe should be in high school because of age and years of the school telling me Joe needs to be with peers of his age. Even when I ask and almost beg to leave him behind when he's doing well. Finally I was convinced to let him move with his peers. Once in high school though, the school was not set up for him and they really didn't want him there. Parents just know these things.To shorten the story he was in the elem. last year and we had the say of whether or not he would move up to middle school this year or to the high school where he belongs. Because at the high school he would be alone all day with only an aide, we decided to try middle school. What would you have done? This school has gone as far as telling me 3 different times I needed to keep my child home because there was no one to be of service to him. He's 17 and doesn't talk.

Answer 1

Unfortunately there's no simple answer, other than to fight. Go to the school board, if that doesnt work, go to the state school board. If that doesnt work, seek out a lawyer, or find a local organisation that provides case workers to fight for your son. Your son has a right to an education, and what that education should be can only be determined by your son's individual needs. (Part of what he needs of course, depends on his specific handicaps, challenges, and abilities). I hate to say this, but its an uphill battle. My younger bro is severely mentally handicapped, my family went thru much of what your going thru now years ago, the family of an autistic child I used to nanny for is still fighting similar battles. The best advice i can give you is to always remember you are your child's best advocate, and that if you don't fight for him, no one else will.

Someone mentioned before that the current trend in special ed is to "mainstream" kids, ie place them into "normal" classrooms, for lack of a better way to phrase it. This is not always the best solution, and is something that should definitely be decided on a child by child basis. To be entirely honest there are kids I've worked with in special ed, who have utterly amazed me at how well theyve done in mainstream classes. However there are other children I've worked with who not only would have never succeeded in such classes, would have literally been physically endangered by the lower standards of supervision in most schools. (My brother, at your sons age, had the mentality of a three year old, and would have known no better than to walk straight out the door into oncoming traffic.) I hesitate to support any "trend" that so generalises what is best for MR/DD children.

Also, you mentioned your son doesnt speak. Obviously I dont know his specific level of ability, but several of the kids I've worked with have found success in communication with speech boards, and laptops. Or thru sign language therapy. I dont know your specific situation so I can't say whats best for you and your son, just thought I'd mention some of my own experience.

While I'm throwing my two cents in, let me mention this. As a family member/caregiver to a MR/DD adult, and someone who watched what my parents went thru with my brother, one of the important things to remember while going thru this, is to take care of yourself too. Its very easy in such situations to overwhelm and frankly, even isolate yourself. I recommend looking into support groups in your area for parents of children like your son, it can help more than you realise. Not only will it help you gain the experience and wisdom of other people going thru similar situations, but it will help you remember that you arent alone. And who knows, someday your experience could help someone else.

Like i said, my two cents.

Answer 2

He should be with his peers with the support of an experienced Aide. I'm all for inclusivity and all school boards should be accommodating special needs students.
I'm surprised you told us only that your child doesn't speak. Is he developmentally delayed or autistic? Is he independently mobile?

If you live in Canada, (I think you might) you have a case under the Human Rights Act, to have your child's educational needs met. School boards are out of order to tell you to keep your child at home. Choose a High School which has a Special Needs Unit with integration into some social activities.

P.S. Thank you for the question. By the level of the responses (good quality answers) you should be encouraged by the people who care.

Answer 3

This is a difficult situation that is very close to the heart. We are talking about your son, a son who needs special education... and might I say "deserves" that through the school system.

I commend you for doing what you feel is best for your son, difficult as the decisions may be along the way; but from what I am hearing the school is unable or unwilling to provide the aides and assistance he needs to excel and learn.

I am not sure what recourse you have. My suggestion would be the following:

1. Ask the school for contact names of organizations that can provide this assitance.

2. Ask the school why they cannot provide it. If the answer is not acceptable, ask whom you need to talk to within the District to have it addressed immediately.

I wish I could be of more help. Don't give up and don't accept answers that are unacceptable. Hear what they have to say, then if not acceptable simply state... "this is unacceptable, what does the school plan to do to address this issue??? " Put it in their court, fighting for your son's right is the best thing you can do.

I wish you all the luck, and to your son as well.

Answer 4

Your son has the right to an education. Because of his disability some things may need to be changed to accommodate his needs. If the school is telling you to keep him home I would search for other alternatives for him. I would ask the school to help select other alternatives as well. Maybe a day care Learning facility that helps children with disabilities such as your son. It scares me to think of him in a school that doesn't particularly want him, other things may happen because of that.
Your shoes seem to fit fine and have a nice shine to them.
You have to try to find what works best for him and you. Maybe High school would be something to try and then go from there. Before you shut one door, make sure the others are unlocked. Good Luck to you!!! and your son!

Answer 5

First of all, your son is entitled to a Free and Appropriate Public Education through the age of 21. The severity of his disability, and his unique needs are to be considered by the IEP team, of which you are entitled to be a part.

It sounds like you are having some success having your input considered, however, if you feel your child is not being serviced appropriately, you do have legal recourse in the form of Due Process proceedings. You should have been provided a copy of your rights at the most recent IEP meeting.

Additionally, if your son is 17 and non-verbal, has he been referred to someone to determine whether he should be using an alternative communication device, such as a Dynamo? This should also be provided by the district if it is determined by the team to be necessary for him to be meaningfully participating in his educational environment.

Answer 6

The problem is that he can't stay in school forever. You say he doesn't talk, but not how bad his handycapp is other wise. I have a friend who can't talk because of cerebral pulsy, but he has a good mind. he took accounting in college. Do you think that he could ever graduate? then to be in high scoolis the answer. If you are just buying time until he can be put into an Adult program of some kind. by all means leave him where he is comfortable. How does the "no child left behind" program come into play with your situation?

Answer 7

Wait a minute By law, the rehabilitation act of 1973, and the Americans with Disabilities act of 1990, the school MUST provide learning accomodations to your special child. MUST. The trend in special ed today is to have the child in the classroom with an aid. If this does not work,. demand that the school do an evaluation and provide him with a propper setting where he can interact. You should be calling the Department of Justice, and the department of Education and explaining the situation to them. Have them threaten your son's school with the revocation of federal funding if they will not comply with providing for your son's needs. This is the law. He must have accomodations. Demand them. Your son's education is too important.

Answer 8

Well, first, I would tell the school what they are missing. I would say, "Hey, if you don't want my boy here, he won't BE here. You're lucky to have a wonderful child attend your school, and you are ruining it. I was willing to take a chance, and let him be with his own peers. But you can't help him, not one bit. Every school needs help for kids like him. Y'know, you think you're SOOO great, but you can't even give ONE child his education!", then I would start finding a better school and enviroment, one that can associate with his Special Needs. I think you made a good choice, giving your child what he needs. I know that every kid is smart, they just need a nice school to support them. They were telling you to leave him home, most likely because, "he wasn't smart, or, good enough for them". And that's because, a school like that, won't help him, and teach him. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Read your special education rights for your child . The school has an obligation and by law should provide what your child needs for his education . He has the right to be educated !!! Seek out an advisor for him , they will fight for him . The school may give you the run around due to cost and because they probably not educated enough themselves for the specific problems your son may have but if they are not able to provide what he needs then the school HAS to pay for his education and Transportation to a school that can provide for his needs . You fight for him you have to no one cares for your child like you do !

Answer 10

If you are in the United States, they MUST provide him with an appropriate program... and lack of staff is NOT a valid arguement.

He is eligible for special education services until his 22nd birthday. They should have already provided transition service planning for adulthood by this point. He should have been advanced with his age group... what is he doing in elementary?

GET A PARENT ADVOCATE NOW!!!

Most states have volunteer parent advocate groups, where trained people who also have kids with special needs help you with getting the right services and placements.

You also need to educate yourself about the law, and what the school is supposed to provide.

Here's the site you need:

http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.index.htm


Use this to start your search for a parent advocate:

http://www.yellowpagesforkids.com/


You may have a valid lawsuit.

Answer 11

I've seen this with one of my family members. her only option was to move to a new town/city that could provide the care needed for her son. The school was not funded for such a program or even required to provide a program for him. They took him from a full normal day to half a day and then down to 2-3 hours a day. By the end of the year she was asked not to bring him back.