Im gay but whenever I have a chance to get with someone I dont. I don't like to get involved with people......

Question

but at the same time I really want a bf. Am I just really picky or is there something wrong with me? I only like guys that I can't have (straight) and I won't settle for anything else. Am I supposed to settle for something sub-par to my standards? How does everyone else do it?

Answer 1

Don't lower your standards. A lot of times people will lower their standards and take what they can get. They "settle" for what is around and many people can see that you are looking. When you are looking it is like your body sends off signals that says I will take anyone. That is when you get the bad apples. Be patient. Don't forget there are a lot of people in this world and you will meet that special someone. Don't look so hard and you'll be fine.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with being picky and you don't have to settle for someone just to have a boyfriend. Not all people like the "normal" stuff where you could meet someone like clubs or bars, so try to go other places where you could find different types of people. On the other hand don't judge a book my it's cover, get to know people before writing them off as not your type. Really talk to them about important issues. Look past a bad hair day. Then you'll have a better shot at finding MrRight.

Answer 3

First, you shouldn't go after straight men. You are not going to find any boyfriends there. However it does sound like you may like what "straight" men act like and do. So go out and find a nice masculine guy that like sports, cars and beer. Who act like a man, who is just gay.

As far as being picky. BE PICKY. If you are looking to find a bf to spend a long time with (years) then never settle for anything less than the best.

A book that helped me define not only who I was looking for, but also who I am is this one: "My Guy" A Gay Man's Guide to a Lasting Relationship (Paperback) by Martin Kantor . It can be found in a lot of bookstore or online and I highly recommend it to anyone wanting more than a one night stand. Good luck stud.

Answer 4

Well, this is a paradox if ever there were one...IF you got a "straight" boy friend, by definition, he wouldn't be straight any longer, so I assume you are going to go through life, next to next. I seriously suggest a lot of counseling, for you have some very real problems of image..spilling over from your feelings about homosexuality, and therefore about yourself. If you have no respect of gays in a relationship, then you can have no respect for yourself. That is a very sad statement. If you ever want happiness, you really do need to see a therapist who can deal with your problem, and it is a very real problem. You have very real commitment issues, self image issues, and strive to insulate yourself from your own realities. You wrap all this up in the name of "standards" and "won't settle." I think you need to have a real heart to heart with yourself and get on a path of self help or guidance. IF you do not do this soon, you are going to end up hating yourself, other gays, and life in general. I do wish you the best of luck, but again, what you want is an impossible thing. Only crazy people chase the impossible.

Answer 5

I agree with Goldwing and Cymalon, except I don't really think you need therapy as much as some experience. You are very young, and you simply do not yet know anything about what you have not seen or done. Please do not think I am rude if I tell you that you really do not have any standards yet.

When I was your age, I sheltered myself or compensated for my lacks by using some of the same kind of thinking you are using. Stop wasting your time with that. Let me suggest that you just take it easy and skip the judgemental bla-bla as you breeze through this summer and then re-discover yourself at college, when you get into a new environment and are surrounded by completely new people. In a year or two you will look back on this posture and chuckle, if you have not forgotten it by then.

In saying this, I am not suggesting that you go on some kind of hunt or crusade to get sexual experience. No, do what you think feels right for you. Try to be more open-minded, and give yourself a break. You are probably a really conscientious person who tries to think before he acts. Just bear in mind that you do need ALSO to act and then think. Try to reflect on your experience, and try not to set limits on your reflections beforehand.

Answer 6

You seem to have attachment-aversion. Come here, go away. I suspect, although I cannot tell without talking to you for a great period of time, that you are deliberately thwarting yourself in finding a partner because you still have not come to terms with being gay. You don't fully accept yourself. So you play the "I want who I can't have" game in order to avoid intimacy, sex, and experiencing yourself as fully homosexual. Now, a therapist would spend about 2 years listening to you blather on for an hour a week, knowing what your problem is, and never telling you. I just told you, and if it pissed you off, I was right.

Answer 7

You may be picky, but that is ok! There is nothing wrong with you! I am actually impressed, because a lot of gay guys I know, only want meaningless relationships! Just be patient, and the right guy will come along!

Answer 8

No, your not picky. You just know what you want in a guy and that's great. For now I suggest just make friends and soon enough you'll find your prince charming, who you will love with all your heart.

Answer 9

your not being harsh, or weird or even piky, you dnt want to have a lot of meaningless relationships and you dnt see the piont in them much like me.your waiting for someone whos right for you and i think thats awesome, not 5 years from now and your alone, i might be a lil more confised, but no, for now your good, jsut keep lookin!! hes out there somewhere.
good luck!!
>K<

Answer 10

Lower your standards or you'll end up lonely...this is a problem a lot of straight people have as well.