Is there any way to help a family member turn back from his gay tendencies?

Question

He just annouced it to us and we are all shocked and disappointed. He was very strong in his religious convictions, even served a mission. We know that there are ways to help individual overcome these tendencies, but we need advice on how to go about getting that help for him.

Answer 1

Smith & Wesson, Colt , Rugar, Remington, some good authors on the subject.

Answer 2

First, you need to KNOW that this person wants to overcome those "tendancies". I'm curious in what context they told the family. If all they said was that they were gay, then they've probably reconciled their religious beliefs with their sexual orientation, and don't see a problem, in which case you CAN"T help them except by continuing to love them. If they do want to "change", you need to make sure they understand that the feelings will never go away; the ex-gay ministries don't change sexual orientation, they change behavior. Most of them, once you're involved enough, will tell you that. If they understand that, and want help in avoiding actions based on their orientation, go for it. If they don't, though, then these programs will only make things worse. If a person doesn't want to change actions, or are filled with a false hope of changing actual orientation, they're in a very dangerous spot emotionally; they become a good candidate for suicide. Please be careful.

Answer 3

Put your disappointment behind you you must love him don't judge yes it will be hard but you have to look at him as a person love him and not what he is doing. Some people out here are closed mind so he will need some one to come to when there is a world full of people that will try to put him down and think of him as less of a person let him know that you are there for him now it is time to put your feeling away because he will need a loving friend that wont look at him different if it helps love the person that he was and still can be through none stop prayer

Answer 4

You will not be able to help him change. The best thing to do is learn more about gayness and try to accept him. Take some educational classes to help understand. Talk to him so you can understand. The "help" to "overcome" it is a scam. The best way to overcome it is for the family to work on being more loving and accepting. He can still be very strong on religious convictions. There are many many deeply religious gay people.

Answer 5

Okay, first of all, stay calm. Don't be angry or show any negative reactions. It will only cause your family member to feel neglected, and may attempt to run away. Talk to him and discuss the problem. Get both sides of the story, and explain to him how it hurts you. If possible, have him talk to a counselor. Also, a talk with the priest or studying the Bible could also help explain to him why homosexuality is bad. It would be a good idea that after he loses his gay tendencies, to go to confession so he can cleanse himself of his sins. Don't worry, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

Hope this answers help!
If you really believe in God, you would not encourage homosexuality, but you also would not show hatred for it.

Answer 6

Dont be an idiot! There is no "cure" for Gay! It's not a disease!!! You cant take him to therapy and talk him out of it. You accept it and support him or you loose a family member! Its as simple as that! Get over it and move on before you say something hideously biggoted that you will spend the rest of your appologising for or regretting when he never speaks to you again.

Why are you disappointed? Is your masculinity threatened by his sexuality? and please explain to me what him being gay has to do with his religous convictions! If he served in a ministry, great! more power to him! There was no anti-gay vaccination given out at the ministry!

Get a life! If I were him Id be more disappointed in your for being such a biggot!

Answer 7

Sorry, but there is no way to change him.

PLEASE listen to what I have to say. This is coming from a gay 14 year old...

For a year, I have tried fighting so hard to get rid of my "gayness." I have done everything you can possibly imagine. I have spent night after night trying to "become" straight. I have researched this intinsively.

Trying to become straight has been the hardest challenege in my life, and for the past year I have been the most saddest, depressed, lowest self esteem person.

Being gay is something you cannot control or change. Don't believe me? Then why is a GLBT person 40% more likely to commit suicide than a straight person? Because they don't want to be gay, and don't want people to think differently of them.

Do you seriously think someone would choose to be discriminated against, murdered, and hated around the world? NO. And it's people like you and your homophobic family who cause such a great number of LGBT people to commit suicide, and who cause people to live in depression for the rest of their lives.

Being gay is something you can't change. There have been ex gay places, where they claim to make you straight.. The success rate? 2%.. TWO PERCENT. not only is the suicide rate greater for people who attend ex gay camps, but people loose their mentality. they are brainwashed how bad gays are, and they loose it.

Don't change him, and love him for who he is. Support him 100%. Don't let the ******* bible brainwash you, because i have news for you.. I'm a christian, and i believe in god, but the bible DOES NOT condemm homosexuality, rather homosexual ACTS. also, the ones that were condemmed were in the old testiment, most in LECTIVUS, a part of the old testiment that makes wearing two different types of clothes a sin.

ALL SINS ARE EQUAL AS ONE ANOTHER. You judging is just as bad as him being gay, even though being gay is not bad.

Answer 8

In truth Anonymous - it won't change him back. It might delude him - were he so desperately keen to turn straight - but it would take a miracle from God to actually achieve it. Don't go thinking that anything we can do on earth is going to change the way he feels about himself and other men. I know you don't want to hear this - because you believe otherwise.

Why not just pray for his safekeeping in this life, and God's forgiveness of his sins, as he makes his way to the next? Be the first family member that shows your love for him, by not judging him or his deeds. I'd like to think God will appreciate that in you.

Finally, consider how much turmoil he's gone through, before he told you all. He has belief in you all and in your family's strength and support for one another. Do you really think he'd turn from God and then seek acceptance from you all? Did he really announce it to spite you all?

For what it's worth (coming from one of those who is quite happy to have those "tendencies") I'll just say:

God Bless

Answer 9

You should read the latest science on the subject. It's now been shown that homosexuality is NOT a conscious choice. The tendency has its source in the way the brain is wired. There are some fundamental differences in the brains of gay and straight people. These differences are what controls and drives the preference. This is why your family loved one is gay, and if you really do love them, you need to accept them gay wiring and all. I hope you will find it in your heart to support and love them for their sake and yours.

Answer 10

You may have been shocked and disappointed, but honestly, they way you're going on about it... it's not only none of your business, but it's disrespectful to him!!!

Do you know how hard it is for someone to "come out" ? It's extremely difficult, and I feel sorry for him. No one should have to build up the fear of being rejected when they come out and have it really happen. Do you know how much this will damage not only his his happiness, but his trust in his family, in you?

You say he was strong in his religious convictions? Who are you to say that he's not? He chose a lifestyle preference, and you have no right to change it or force or attempt to change it. It's just like preference of favourite flavours of ice cream. If you like one flavour, does it make him a bad person if he likes another? You may be thinking that it's completely different, but it is purely that simple. It's a simple choice of preference. And as his family you should be the FIRST to back him up, no matter how he chooses to live his life. And the more you force him, the more he's likely to defy you. Let him be who he wants to be. I'm happy for him. And I admire him. It must've been extremely difficult to tell his religious family. That is a brave act. I pray that he chooses to live HIS life HIS way. Afterall, isn't his happiness all that counts?

Best wishes to him, and shame on you for not respecting his decision.

Nathan

Answer 11

Here's a couple of book suggestions. The first one will help you to understand gay tendencies better. You can only ask your family member to read it. Obviously you can't make him. But, if you bought a copy for him and he takes it home at least it will be there when he feels he needs some answers.

Go to amazon.com and look up these books. You can get them used, that makes it more affordable if you want to buy several copies.

'The Battle for Normality - A Guide for (Self-) Therapy For Homosexuality' by Gerard J.M. Van Den Aardweg

"How to Manage Your Dick' by Sean Joseph O'Reilly