I do everything around the house. I mean everything, dishes,cooking,cleaning and work full time. My wife is a stay at home mom. We have been married for many years and it has recently really started to piss me off. I love her very much and that is why i always have done it without saying a word. How can I tell her to get off her butt and do something in a nice way?
2006-07-13 09:53:37 · 16 answers · asked by seasonedhusband 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife is a stay at home mom and you do all the housework??? What is wrong with you?? Tell your lazy wife to get off her *** and do some work!!
2006-07-13 10:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Bootylicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are the kids? What is she doing all day? Has she ever worked? I worked full time for years before being a stay at home mom. After doing it all (like you) and then having the ability to stay at home, I feel like I am on vacation. I am not saying that it is easy, but it is so much easier to stay at home rather than work full time and do the mommy/wife stuff.
Maybe you should expain to her that you work hard and you deserve to come home to a clean house, with dinner made and lunch in the fridge for the next day. There is no excuse for this (unless she has infant triplets to take care of). If your kids are over 5, they should be helping- or they will inherit the lazy lifestyle that she has.
If she does not want help you out, there are 2 things you can do, suggest she gets a job, or you can stop cleaning. See how she reacts to this.
Friends of ours got a divorce due to this same thing. She kept refusing to get a job, refused to do the household duties. He was getting home at 7pm from work and doing dinner for everyone. Eventually, he told her that if they divorced, she would be doing this stuff anyway, so she may as well do it to save the marriage. She refused. He left her. Now she makes $10/hr and has to do it all 3 1/2 days a week.... Your wife needs to reconsider.
2006-07-13 18:19:27 · answer #2 · answered by B26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I know of women like that! It just shocks me every time I see it. I just don't understand. If your husband works all day while you are at home, I think you should take on the responsibility of being a homemaker. Which includes the cooking, cleaning, etc.
If you both work, you should find a way to even out the chores.
I guess some women just don't care. Maybe she is taking what she has for granted...? There are not many men out there like you. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband works. He always has clean laundry, a clean house, a made up bed, ect. I don't think he has ever washed a dish, or used the washing machine. Although, he works all day to pay the bills. He deserves to come home to what he has. Although so do you.
You need to let go, and let the dishes pile up, her laundry pile up. Make it to where she has to do something. How is she ever going to wake up and learn how unfair she is being...? She knows that you are gonna get the job done, she knows she can get away with being lazy all day. The only way to show her it's not working, is to make it to where she has to do it. It might drive you insane to see the house go to **** for a while. But keep in mind the reasoning behind it. Good luck...:)
2006-07-13 17:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Emily :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to realize that it isn't going to change overnight. You seem like the kind of person who is understanding, and therefore, understand that because you waited so long to say something it will most likely be a touchy subject that will take a long time to resolve.
First I would suggest to just stop doing some of the chores. I know it will probably aggrivate you, but maybe if you stop doing them she will start. If that doesn't work you need to talk to her. This sounds childish, but my husband and I have recently decided to make some changes around our household so we are making a chores list. Maybe discuss with her that you have a lot of responsabilities at work that are starting to stress you out, and you don't know if you will be able to keep doing the dishes every night.
I hope that helped some.
I think you are right though, that if she is a stay at home mom (depending on the age of children and how many) she should be the main person to deal with the chores.
2006-07-13 17:02:59 · answer #4 · answered by wishing_i_could_sing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what you're going thru. Is it possible that she is experiencing "cabin fever" while staying home with the child/children? I am a SAHM, and I catch myself letting the house go too. Sometimes just getting out of the house for 1 day is enough to jolt me out of the mommy blahs and get my act together. It's not always glamourous to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes we just need a change of scenery.
Ask her if she feels somewhat depressed, with a "Why bother" state of mind, then calmly remind her of how valuable she is when she does her job. It's actually quite common among mothers who just stay home.
2006-07-13 17:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by knit_wit74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can sit down and have along talk.. Explain that you work, (right?), and you have to come home and take care of everything in the house, and make a list... And then explain that a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, and that both of you have to do your share. She doesn't have to jump in head first, but at least begin to help out, and then maybe she'll understand the toll it's taking on you. It wouldn't hurt to tell her you're pretty upset about it either---boy that was long!
2006-07-13 16:57:49 · answer #6 · answered by ray of sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe that you have put up with that for so long! I would have a long talk with her to set things straight. The longer you let this go, the worse it is going to get. You should never let anyone take you for granted like that, a marriage is a partnership...50/50! I guarantee that if you allow things to continue the way they are, your list of responsibilities will continue to grow. Put your foot down before it is too late!
2006-07-13 17:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by Chewie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she is deppressed or just lazy or takes you for granted, its kinda your fault since you have been doing it for so long now she must think that you really enjoy it, its time to take a stand for yourself and tell her enough is enough let all the house work go for a few days and when she ask why you are not doing anything tell her you have a big head ache and if she ask if there is anything she can do for you tell her YES you can take all the work over for me im tired, if that doesnt help show her what you wrote on here, good luck
2006-07-13 17:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by missy h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you sit her down and have a serious conversation about being a responsible adult and sharing the load of household duties and such ...I'm sure she'll get a clue as to how u feel...but if not cut off her $$$ supply until she gets the message.
2006-07-13 17:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...only one way to do it. Tell her! Immediately before the problem escalades and you explode. A marriage isn't a one sided arrow, you need to let her know she's got to put her part in too. Whether love has got to do it or not. Chances are you've spoiled her all this time and she probably feels like you like to do it. Unless you speak up.
2006-07-13 17:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋