After marriage counseling, rumors of a affair, med's to conrol urges ( but refuses to take meds) would you divorce your husband if he has and is still keeping on with strange women on the internet, taking photos of his penis with intentions of emailing them to who ? Secret MySpace ID's, asking stupid sexual questions in public forums, late night's on the computer, early mornings (before going to work) on the computer, mulitpul email's with secret passwords, hides wallet and cell phone, and general obsession with porn.
Would you continue to try to save your marriage with more counseling and more med's an doctor visits or live with the shame, stress and the low self esteam that he has placed onto you or would you just leave him full stop ?
2006-07-13 09:25:57 · 66 answers · asked by Samantha A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you putting out? Sounds like its possible you are not satisfying his needs. If you are doing all you can, then maybe its time to leave him
Guys need sex though, its hard wired into our programming through years of evolution. The guys who passed on the most genetic material were the ones with the biggest sex drive, to "spread their seed" to as many women as possible.
Some guys have it worse than others, but some are able to control it. If you really love him, try seeing if you can satisfy some of his basal needs. If you think they are too much, or too nasty for you, move on, because his sex addiction is only going to get worse.
2006-07-13 09:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by CrashCondon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have already answered your question. No one can tell you to leave or stay, that is a decision that has to be made solely between you and God. Do you really want to live with low self esteem and possibly catch some non curable STD? Do you think that is all that your life is worth? Only you know when you have had enough. I am in the process of a divorce because my husband was doing the exact same things sans the penis shots. He went as far as to sleep with other women in motels. How much do you love yourself?
2006-07-13 09:34:58 · answer #2 · answered by Quaita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you have tried, but it has been all on your end. It also sounds like you love him, and that's why you have tried and why you have put up with his sh*t for so long. The best advise I can give you, and please listen closely....is that you deserve better. Is your husband obsessed with sex? It sounds as if he is obsessed with himself, because despite you conveying that this behavior bothers you, makes you feel insecure, etc. he still does not respect you enought to even TRY. In a marriage, mistakes will be made, that is natural. And when you truly love your spouse, their happiness is important to you. Ask yourself, do you think your happiness is important to him? Perhaps he puts a roof over your head and food on the table, maybe you have kids together, but does he care about your emotional well being? Put yourself first for a change. Realize that you are important, and that you matter, and that you don't have to settle. You have some important decisions to make.
2006-07-13 10:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by bjsmama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a serious problem, I am married and look at porn 1-2 times a week at a total of 1/2 hour. Counseling and meds won't help, leave him to see what happens.
2006-07-13 09:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by broj7400 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have about gotten to the end of your ability to deal with this situation. I think you have tried all there is to try and if he refuses to try there isn't anything you can do to change things but to leave. It takes two people to make a marriage work and right now it looks like your the only one trying. If you have reached the point where you don't even have tears left then it is time to divorce and move on.
2006-07-13 09:30:14 · answer #5 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think YOU need to see a counselor to discover why exactly you have been putting up with your husband's behavior. What you have is not a marriage. It is an unhealthy relationship that will destroy you (and your faith in relationships) in the end.
What you need to do is to secretly gather proof of what your husband is doing, hand it to a lawyer, and get started on divorce proceedings. If you don't do this, you will continue to be extremely unhappy until you're an old woman. The only one who can take the next positive step is you, so get to it hon!
2006-07-13 10:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by xxtra chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His sexual obsession isn't a reason to divorce him; it's a symptom of a bigger problem: fear of intimacy...with you. And maybe fear of intimacy with others, too. All of his lying and sneaking and all the porn is just a way to numb his brain to what's really wrong. He's using it to run away from something. It's like sifting through a pile of garbage to find an answer to his pain. And he's never going to find it where he's looking.
If you have tried reaching out to him, tried to foster intimacy, and he refuses or is unable to deal honestly and sincerely with you, then it is beyond your control. The hard truth is that you may have to leave him, because right now he is unable to keep himself from hurting you. There is no alternative, unless you consider allowing yourself to feel degraded and disrespected an acceptable alternative! He needs to see, just as any other addict needs to see, that his obsession/addiction is corroding his life and ruining his relationships with loved ones. You need to step outside of what this is doing to you - worry about that after the fact - and focus on what this is doing to HIM. If you love him, you'll see that he needs a dose of reality, not someone who will continue to enable him. Respect yourself. Leave. Reassure him that you still love him, but that you need to love yourself, too. In fact, you love him enough to leave him. The rest will be up to him.
2006-07-13 09:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me that you have already tried to save your marriage. Your husband has an illness and refuses treatment. I am a devout Christian. Although divorse is not condonded, there are instances when it is definitely okay. This is one. It is just a matter of time till he brings home som nasty disease to you or the FBI comes knocking on your door.
Rebuild your life without him. Get some counseling to help you rebuild your self esteem and find someone who wants to have a relationship with you.
2006-07-13 09:36:41 · answer #8 · answered by queenbee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds very similar to my ex-husband. He would never go see anyone about it. But, it was a huge strain on our marriage. He turned me off on sex because he wanted it ALL THE TIME, and when he couldn't get it from me willingly sometime he would force me. Not quite to the point of rape, but close. He would access porn on MY computer and the same computer that our oldest daughter played on. Nasty pop ups would come up. So, when I put a parental block on it...He destroyed the computer!
Everytime I would mention that he had a problem, he would just say that ALL guys were like this.
Eventually that, and the fact that he was never around me and all the cheating did drive me away. I left him over a year ago.
But you know what?
Not all guys are like these 2. I met a WONDERFUL man who I am engaged to marry. And you know what? He HATES porn as much as I do, sex is something that is special between us, and not demanded by him. In fact, I could actually go for it a little more often than we do it. But, just for that reason, I love him all that much more.
So, yeah, I would say it's not worth putting up with. He isn't going to change, and I'm affraid that things will just keep getting worse. I'm sure there is a man just like the one I met waiting out there for you. And maybe you'll meet him just as soon after. I met my fiance' only 2 months after I left my ex!! I moved to my home state and it was like he was waiting there for me!!
So...definately...DO NOT put yourself through any more of his BS. It's not worth it. Let him ruin his own life. Do you know that he could come home with all sorts of STD's, you don't want to get that from him. So, for your own sake...get out and move on with your life.
2006-07-13 09:36:51 · answer #9 · answered by redeye.treefrog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohh..I'm so sorry for you, you deserve better than that. There are a lot of really good men out there, and you don't have one. As difficult as it may be, get out now, before he ends up giving you an std, because if he's doing all that, he's probably also sleazing around in real life too. It seems you've done all you can to save your marriage, its not important to him, if it was, he wouldn't be doing this to you and having all these secrets. Dump him and find someone worthy of you.
2006-07-13 09:30:23 · answer #10 · answered by Catherine n 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋