My sister has had a history of bad relationships. She has three boys from her first marriage all in their teens. She gave up custody of her kids to her ex-husband because her b/f at the time didn't want her "package". Her latest boyfriend takes the cake. He is an alcoholic who can't keep a job, he gets defensive when she ask why she had to do two loads of laundry and he throse things at her. He has: sold her car, left her on the side of the road and made her hitch home, kicked her out of his house,and got her to have sex with a man for a free car. I know she is stupid for doing that.For the past couple months (she has been with him for 6 YEARS!) the fights have gotten more frequent and worse. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to help her and keep her from him but she keeps going back. She even put a restraining order on him and she still went back. My question is, what do you do when you are tired of helping someone who can't help themself, and you are tired of seing them get hurt?
2006-07-13 09:12:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know this is truly hurting you and breaking your heart inside. No one wants to see someone that is close to them go through this type of thing over and over again. However, I don't think there is much you can really do anymore at this point. As much as you want to see her have a better life and move on without this man, you have to let her realize and come to terms with her life on her own. She truly is going to have to either hit rock bottom or want a change in her life. You can preach to her all day long and help her a million times, but that doesn't mean she's going to do anything different. She knows what's going on in her life, and I know you probably can't figure out why she goes back in for more each time. She feels that this man will change sooner or later that's why she 's holding on. Abusive relationships are not just physical they are mental as well. In any abusive relationship the woman always sticks around because she feels that the man she's with is going to change. They really do love these men. It's sad in most cases because a man or a woman won't change because you want them to, they have to change because the realize they have a problem and really want to change for themselves first and foremost. Stop helping your sister, but be there for her as a sister would be. Let her know how you feel and tell her this. I know it hurts you but we can't fix everything no matter how hard we try. if you continue doing what your doing you are going to run yourself crazy and you will be stressed all the time while your sister is doing the same old thing. She will wake up and get tired of this life one day. Keep postive about this and never give up the hope for your sister. I truly do hope that everything turns out for the best in the end.
2006-07-13 09:34:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the suggestion of an intervention...
Otherwise, I'd tell her that you love her and are concerned for her safety. You are ready to help her get out of that situation NOW. If she doesn't take you up on it, you have to go the 'tough love' route. Tell her that she knows how upset this makes you, and can't listen to anymore of it. Then don't. Unfortunately, she may never leave this creep, and that is her choice. Maybe she will wake up when she ends up in the hospital. Good luck!
2006-07-13 16:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You CAN'T help someone who won't help themselves. All you can do is be there and listen when she needs you. I know thats hard but your sister needs to want help before she can receive any. Thats just how it is. I was in an abusive relationship before and alot of people tried to help me to. It'll get to the point where she will have had enough and will listen to reason. Don't give up!
2006-07-13 16:18:27 · answer #3 · answered by babyjake 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a sad situation. It is obviously you love her and care a great deal about her, but she's thick headed. I would try a tough love response. Tell her you will NOT discuss him, don't want to hear anything about him, etc. Don't help her, or bail her out and advise others in the family too. If she has noone to help her/confide in she may finally wise up.
2006-07-13 16:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ricky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can NOT help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. You need to distance yourself from your sister because she is in loser mode. You are only stressing out yourself. Your sister is not a victim. She is a bad parent and a woman who obviously does not love herself. I am soo happy to hear the kids father has custody because being with her ...who knows how they would end up. Save yourself the trouble and stress and just stop trying to help her.
2006-07-13 16:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey that is a real bad one, wel you said that you did help her a lot but she doesn't listen, The only thing you now can do is to talk to her again and ask her what she wants in life and make it clear to her that she diserves better than this oak she is with now, another thing is you need to tell her to wake up she ia busy to throw he live away. Hope that i helped you a little.......
Good luck you need it.....
2006-07-13 16:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by child of god 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should ingnore the one who doesnt help himself.as if u will ignore such person for a while then they will understand that now no one is there to take care of them.then such person will realize that its him or her who has to take the final needy step by their own.
but keep an eye on then that wat such person is doing.
u should some time show that person the other happy side of life n make them understand that so much of life is left full of charm n happiness as their life is not restricted at this time only.but first give then sum time to solve n realize on their own.
2006-07-13 16:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by shray_malik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sure you are very worried about her and i guess in a situation like hers you should be worried. but how can u give help to someone who doesn't accept it.. just let her be by herself for sometime, maybe she will figure out what she has to do. you have done everything you can and yet she still goes the way she prefers to go.. let her have it her own way and learn her own lesson
2006-07-13 16:17:56 · answer #8 · answered by messy_missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to a funeral (or morgue) and tell her that it could of been her if she stays with that man who beats her all the time...let her know you are only doing it to help and maybe she will see the light. also call the local domestic violence and the cops every time he raises his voice or hand to her... just don't give up maybe she will see the light, also maybe get someone from a local support group to talk to her.
2006-07-13 16:21:35 · answer #9 · answered by montanamom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she needs an intervention. Get a group of her friends together and tell that you're worried about her health of body and mind.
2006-07-13 16:16:42 · answer #10 · answered by freeversecrafter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋