the beauty of the world
is fully unfurled
when you open the gates of perceptioon
dont make the correction
today is not the exception
blessed with a world within worlds
(inspired)
2006-07-13 09:03:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
kinda
2006-07-13 09:11:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I like it! I would just capatilize the beginning letter of each line (things like that bother me lol) and add in some commas (they make it more dramatic).
Also: "the beauty of the world" and "blessed with a world within worlds" Try another word instead of repeating "world."
The beauty of the world
Is fully unfurled.
When you open the gates of perception,
Don't make the correction,
Today is not the exception...
Blessed with a world,
Within worlds.
See how a little puncuation can change it a little bit? Just change the "world" part and it's perfect!
Try submitting it to http://www.wildchildpublishing.com ! Maybe you can get it published online. Also, they will give you constructive critism and help you!
2006-07-13 16:08:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first three lines are good, the next two seem forced and a little nonsensical, and the ending nicely ties with the first three lines. I'd give it a 3/5 but it would be higher with the fourth and fifth lines changed.
2006-07-13 16:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a very nice poem. I know I could never write like that. It takes me at least an hour to think of rhyming.
2006-07-13 16:09:44 · answer #4 · answered by Autumn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem. To me it seems that this poem refers to all the different ways that people see the world and not to tell people that they are wrong about how they see it.
2006-07-13 16:08:20 · answer #5 · answered by kenway1023 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know go to www. Poetry.com and participate.
how about, isn't the exception,....... and, blessed with a word, of another world, within Worlds!.
2006-07-13 16:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by paradiseemperatorbluepinguin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on a scale to one to ten i would say it is a 5
2006-07-13 16:09:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A littel.
2006-07-13 16:08:07 · answer #8 · answered by T.S.M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a very nice poem but I 'm not sure what it means...do u know??
2006-07-13 16:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by akdani4jesus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeahhh is a nice poem :)
2006-07-13 16:06:51 · answer #10 · answered by SANTOZ305 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋