2006-07-13 06:59:31 · 15 answers · asked by tejbab11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why did he tell you?
Did he bring it up out of the blue, in order to be honest?
Did he bring it up so that you might decide to "free" him to go after her (initiating a divorce), with his goal being to end your marriage?
Did he bring it up because you caught him in a lie of some sort or asked him point blank?
His motivation really means a lot.
People are people. Emotions come and go. Emotions like this one are weird -- probably part of it was accidental, and part of it was based on something your marriage was not supplying that emotionally your best friend IS. So he first experienced the attraction (not his fault) but then perhaps fed and nourished it until now it consumes him (his fault).
You also don't know how much of his emotions are just "fuzzy feelings" (strong but not enduring) and how much is the desire to make a commitment to your friend. He might not even be sure himself.
Don't do anything premature. Think about what he said, how he said it, and the situation he said it in... and get your best feel for his motivations here in telling you.
If you are committed to your marriage, and he told you in order to be honest, then by all means do whatever you need to do to fix things. Get a counselor together, spend more time together, talk about your directions in life and what your goals are as a couple -- whatever it takes.
If he told you for either of the other two reasons, you've got a problem. In either case, his attitude isn't aimed towards fixing the marriage.
If he came to you just to see what you would do (and hopefully maybe let him go), well, that's not great at all. I would probably cut through the fluff and ask him point blank if he wants to get a divorce -- ask him up front. If he says no, then now you can both commit to working on things. If he can't commit, things wouldn't have changed.
If you caught him and forced the confession, then he should make a decision right now of what he is going to do -- stay or go.
I hate to sound like things have to be so sharp, and maybe you both need a few days to commit to a decision. But he still does need to decide what he is planning to do, rather than dragging it out. (When he drags it out, it probably means "no" to your marriage, but he's still using the marriage out of convenience.)
As far as your best friend... what's the deal? (That sucks: Two relationships shot. Sigh.) Does she know? Is she a partner in this? Did she put him up to it? Or is she unaware of his feelings?
You need to check in with her too, and find out what is happening on both ends. She might tell you more, she might not.
2006-07-13 08:38:50 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Divorce him. Right there and then when he admitted to you that he has feelings for your best friend, the trust you have for him went out of the window. You can pretty much predict what your life with him would be like five years (or less) from now.
2006-07-13 07:04:47 · answer #2 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if possible both of you move. i would never be able to trust my husband and her together. i would never be able to trust my husband anywhere knowing that because she lives close by( if she does) they might be together. if you two really wanted to make it work out, get out of the situation.
2006-07-13 07:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very honest and sincere to you. Otherwise any fool will tell this to his wife. He is a good guy and I see a successful marriage. Don't ruin it .
2006-07-13 07:07:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy that he choose you after all the feeling cannot be so strong if you're the one he married
2006-07-13 07:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by playful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal to be attracted to others, that doesnt mean your husband doesnt love you or that your marriage is over. make it work.
2006-07-13 07:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by amber_grace753 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have the brakes on the car fixed!
2006-07-13 07:03:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't tell. Never been there
2006-07-13 07:02:53 · answer #8 · answered by hotdesersand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cry your ************* eyes out! dont talk to either of them
2006-07-13 07:04:02 · answer #9 · answered by napoleanchik9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your friend then both of you can kick his ***
2006-07-13 07:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by buzy_bee_21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋