I dated this guy for almost 2 years. He is one of the nicest guys I've ever been. Bery polite and everything. Yes, very handsome too.But he just dropped the bomb! He just told me that he is gay. But I don't believe it because I didn't see anything about him that he is gay. He looks very masculine. I 'm thinking he is just using it as an excuse. He didn't even ask me if I should accept him or not. Do you think he found a new girlfriend? Or he is telling the truth?
2006-07-13 06:47:51 · 27 answers · asked by kirsten_natalie1985 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Oh My...
2006-07-13 16:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by yokaimayhem 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A straight man, in my opinion, would be very foolish and very (rightly) afraid to come out as gay to a girl just to get rid of her or something. Because that girl will talk to OTHER girls, and he'll never date again. I'd say it's probably legit. That he doesn't "look or act gay" is bull, and if you don't already know that, you need to. Most of the guys I date look VERY masculine; that's got nothing to do with it. Why should he ask you to accept him? You either do or you don't, and him asking isn't going to do anything about that. You seem to have a lot of expectations of a gay person that he might end up educating you on. It sucks, and it hurts, but you ultimately will need to decide, once you're over the breakup, if you want to remain friendly with this person or not.
2006-07-15 04:43:21 · answer #2 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy isn't going to say that he's gay just because he's found a new girlfriend. When you stop and think about it, that's a way to LOOSE any girlfriends he could potentially have in the future. If he's straight and pulling the "gay routine" to dump a girlfriend, he's stupid, because word will invariably get out that he's "one of those" or something. So if he says he's gay, then he's gay and getting girlfriends or having a new girlfriend now is NOT on his list of priorities.
As for whether or not he "looks" gay, well...that's such a misconception. Most gay guys DON'T look or act gay. Of course some do, but that is for reasons that have nothing to do with being gay in the first place. You have no choice but to take his word. Of course, one could look at your statement and apply rather sexist viewpoints and say "Of course he's gay, he's handsome AND polite! Straight guys aren't polite!" That's about as wrong as saying that gay guys ACT gay, but at least it shows the flawed forms of thinking that rule modern society.
2006-07-13 07:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by chipchinka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gay guys can be masculine.. Straight guys can be feminine.. It's really not masculinity or feminity that defines your sexual orientation.
I don't think he's using it as an excuse to break up with you.. Guys don't really use the "I'm gay excuse" to break up with their girls. Plus, if you doubt him, and he actually is gay, it's only going to get worse..
Sorry to say this, but you should accept it and move on. And, not to be harsh, but even if it's a new girlfriend.. it just means he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Either way it sucks. I know it's hard to accept, but just take little steps, you'll get there. Best of luck.
2006-07-13 06:56:04 · answer #4 · answered by ockristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
gay is an internal thing not an external thing. There are stereotypical behaviors that the world have labeled as gay but not only people that posses those qualities are gay and not everyone who acts that way is gay.
regardless, you know one thing your ex. is not interested in continuing anything other than a Platonic relationship. for what ever reason you have been dumped.
BTW nicest guy, very polite and handsome are stereotypical gay traits.
2006-07-13 08:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by mike g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get real...and stop looking for excuses where there are none. Just because he doesn't fit your image of what a Gay man is supposed to look like doesn't mean he is not Gay. He has told you the truth...isn't that easier to swallow than, "I've found someone who really turns me on and I am going for it?" I think that, other than trying to stay out of the Army during draft times, men are not going to say they are Gay if they are not. Wish him the best of luck in finding what he needs in life. AND, I will remind you, he told YOU, not the world. He trusted you enough to think you wouldn't go spreading this around...if he wanted everyone to know, he would have told them. You will not make yourself look better by telling others you were dumped because he is Gay. IN fact, you may make yourself look very stupid. Not a good idea.
2006-07-13 07:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No man tells you he's gay because he wants to use it as an excuse to dump you. It probably took a lot of courage for him to do this..The fact that he doesn't look or act "gay" has nothing to do with it...people mistake me for being straight all the time....maybe he doesn't need your acceptance..because what he is saying is just the truth.
2006-07-13 07:31:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is telling the truth, but on the other hand maybe he did find a girlfriend and doesn't know how to tell you why he wants to break up with you. Hey go fishing there are plenty of fish in the sea. Best Of Luck.
2006-07-13 07:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by lxCstr_19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you don't think he LOOKS/ACTS like your idea of gay doesn't mean he's not. Perhaps he was struggling with what to do,how to be. If you're both young,it's entirely possible,the fact he's polite,means he's MORE likely to be gay,lol. Most straight men are pigs,sorry guys,ya KNOW it's the truth.. Sorry you were deceived. I was married 7 years to a man who turned out to be a complete monster in every way,and NOBODY knew. People can be good actors,that's all
2006-07-13 06:53:20 · answer #9 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men don't just typically blurt out that they are gay, unless they really mean it. It's one thing if he said it in a sarcastic manner, to get you off of his back. It's not in your place to accept him or not, he's got to be able to accept himself first, before anyone else can. And if you find out he's lying, then you know to let him go in your heart, because that's not fair to you. For someone to go to the extent of lying about their sexuality to someone they are with, that's pretty messed up. Also you have to think to yourself, or maybe blatantly ask him IF he really is gay, then was he sleeping around with men? If that's the case at all, then go get tested sweetie to be on the safe side. Good luck, with everything.
2006-07-13 07:06:45 · answer #10 · answered by graciefaith1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's telling the truth when someone comes out they usually aren't joking and you need to look past the sterotypical gay. Not all gay men are girly, many of us gays are actually masculine and straight acting.
2006-07-13 12:07:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋