What do you do when you realize you have been played for a fool by your husband? He walked out a little over a month ago and we have been talking and I thought everything was going great. Come to find out, he left me for another woman and I had NO CLUE. He's not living with her YET.......I feel SO stupid!
2006-07-13 06:36:52 · 13 answers · asked by carolscreation 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are far from alone in this,,,,,,,,,this is happening all over the world all the time and its not only women on the recieving end ,,,,,,,the chances are that its only you that thinks your stupid, we all get sucked in when the carrots being dangled while we're feeling hurt and vunerable, he was probably trying to keep you there as a 'safety net' in case his new relationship went pear shaped. As long as you don't indulge yourself to much in how hurt you are then the old cliche of 'time is a great healer' will eventually ring true........... Life can change for the good just as quickly!!!!!! and it looks like his time for a second chance has already passed. in case it makes a difference on how you view my opinion, i am a bloke.
2006-07-17 10:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by jae B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't feel stupid. I presume you were talking to him because you had thoughts of trying to salvage your marriage. The one being stupid here is him. His actions tell you he can not survive alone. He has to have a safety net. This is why he is with this other woman and talking to you as well. He feels safe now. He has it planned in his mind that if things don't work with her, then he has you, and vice verse. Your actions show you can survive own your own. I am also presuming you live by yourself, except for maybe any children born of the marriage.
Your actions, whatever actions you choose to take should clearly demonstrate to him you mean business. You should tell him up front you want to save your marriage, if he is willing to help you work on it. You need to lay down the ground rules and follow up to
make sure he is complying. The number 1 rule should be the other woman MUST go. DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU CRY. If you want to cry do it with a close friend or family member, not with him. Tell him there will be no further communication between him and you until SHE IS GONE, unless it is to settle bills or to discuss children. Do not allow him on the property(I am again presuming he has moved out and has established a residence somewhere else), meet him in public. If you have not done so, change your locks, or have someone do it for you.
If he says to you, I love you and tries to recall special memories, no matter how much you want to reciprocate, DO NOT DO SO.
All of this is going to be tough. LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. One of two things will happen if you follow through with this plan. He will either come back home and act like he has some sense, or he will not. Either way, the end result will be, that you will be able to heal from this agonizing hurt and move on with your life.
If you know you are going to loose your marriage, loose it gracefully. Never let him see you hurt. One more thing, don't play dirty. Stay on the moral high road. Your dignity is also at stake here.
Good luck to you. May you come out on the high side of things. I believe you are going to have your hands full for quite sometime now.
2006-07-13 07:15:17 · answer #2 · answered by bowtierodz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am very sorry that you are going though this my x- girl friend did the same to me long time a go i know the hurt you are feeling
and it going to take you some time for you to get over the trauma
of loseing your husband.and what i did i got rid of every thing that reminded me of her and that is what you need to do you shouldn't keep any thing in your house that remind you of him and that mean even mean throwing your sheet off of your bed away
and you are probley thinking to your self what did i do to him for him to leave me well i can answer that for you in most cases like your he wasn't a attracted to you any more he wanted a change in his life and that why he left you for this other lady he feel out of love with you.but in most cases they 40% percent of the time they end up comeing back but if he did come back to you. you could never trust him again so if he does come back dont except him back and dont try to get him back he not worth your time or effort and try not to spend much time bye your self for a while try being around people that love you because the more time you spend alone the more you are going to think about him and you dont need to do that right know. you need to take care of your self first and heal your soul and mind first. i hope i help you a Little
2006-07-13 07:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I second the dontdatehimgirl.com who knows he might already be on there. Also check for a profile on yahoo personals.
But don't feel stupid, you were the one being honest and upfront, not him. He manipulated you, he is the stupid one.
Whatever you do, DO NOT take him back, this is life telling you he isn't the one. He manipulated you on this, what else has he done you don't know about. You are better off without him. Enjoy being single and be happy you don't have a looser cheating husband in your life.
2006-07-13 07:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable for you to feel like a fool, but now you have the chance to get out there and find a man that will treat you right and love you for who you are. Look at it as a blessing.
2006-07-13 07:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by Hot Mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need him. Remember, what goes around comes around. Leave it in God's hands. Don't let resentment build up in you. If you do, then your life would be miserable. Just move on in your life and move on to better things. Life's too short to be worried about sorry people like that. Everything happens for a reason. You might meet someone that is ten times better than him.
2006-07-13 06:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by Mary C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have stopped having sex with him after he left. I'm not judging...the same thing happened to me in my first marriage. Stop talking to him (unless you have children together and then only speak about the children) and definitely stop sleeping with him. You'll be lonely for a little while but time really does help you heal. And somebody is going to love you for you and you are enough for a real man.
2006-07-13 06:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make good and sure he knows that YOU KNOW! He really didn't get away with anything afterall, now did he? Don't you just love that? They THINK they are getting one over on you, but they are the fools, because in the end, they have nothing.
2006-07-13 06:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.King 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Celebrate the fact that this loser is out of your life and know that you are not alone in this matter. Many girls have been crushed by the love of their lives. Understand that life is not over and that he is out of your life so you can find someone who truly deserves you.
2006-07-13 06:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by Madam SupaStar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your need 2 forget about that fool because u dont need someone that would do u like that you need take control of your life go out again show him that he means nothing 2 u anymore and that u dont him that your life is better because he is gone.
2006-07-13 06:41:46 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋